The holidays look different for each of us this year. Whether you’re unable to make it home for a normal celebration or you’ve been cooped up with your family for months, this holiday season is likely to be one with more tension and stress than normal. As much as our families and loved ones can be a source of comfort, support and love in this difficult year, it’s also crucial to remember what you owe to yourself, tending to your own needs and making space for your boundaries. Your Enneagram type can help you know what needs and stressors you should look out for this holiday season; while one type might need to check in more often with their loved ones, another type might need to affirm that alone time is healthy. The holidays are a time for community and family, but it’s never more important to honor yourself and your own needs. Here’s how to take care of yourself based on your Enneagram type.
If you’re unsure of your Enneagram type, you can take the free test here. To learn more about each type, read our breakdown here .
Type 1: The Reformer
As a Type 1 on the Enneagram, you’re devoted to doing things right, no matter the cost to yourself. People often rely on you as a source of consistency and order; those traits will be especially appreciated this year. Be aware that the lack of control you’re feeling about the world at large might manifest itself in even small things this holiday season and be gracious with yourself and others when little things don’t go according to plan. Things will not be perfect and normal this year, and it’s not your responsibility to make them so! Try to view setbacks in their proper proportion and remind yourself that the important things, like your loved ones and anything else you’re thankful for, are far more important than the entrée being out exactly on time or the Zoom call functioning with no lags. Things don’t have to be perfect to be valuable, and that’s a big lesson this year has held for us all.
Type 2: The Helper
More than any other Enneagram Type, 2s can feel called on or expected to pitch in, cover the gaps, and make sure everything is handled during the holidays. 2s often feel responsible for others’ emotions, which can be especially hazardous at such a high-intensity time. Manage your expectations for yourself; everyone is stressed and emotional this year, and some of it is for cosmic reasons you didn’t cause and can’t be expected to fix. Manage your expectations for others as well; some traditions might not look the same this year, and your loved ones might not be as available as other years. When you need something, make sure to give it to yourself, whether it’s five minutes to take a breath or asking for help. Remember that it doesn’t make you a bad person if you aren’t able to be there for everyone at the capacity you’re used to; you deserve rest as much as anyone else.
Type 3: The Achiever
Type 3s are incredibly adept at putting their best, most impressive foot forward in any situation. You can become so used to shifting and appearing successful that you can do it even around the people who love you the most. Time with your loved ones is an opportunity that you might not be taking advantage of; it’s an opportunity to feel loved and supported regardless of your accomplishments or appearance. What if you spent this holiday season soaking up the love and respect that exist naturally for you in this space without you having to earn it? Reflect on what it means to you, and see what it feels like to rely on this love and support a little more.
Type 4: The Romantic
You’re used to living life with your emotions on the surface, remaining deeply connected to your inner self at all times. This year, this trait might leave you vulnerable to a lot of free-flying stress and emotional overflow from other people. The deeper issues you have with the people around you stay more on your mind than they do for other Enneagram types, which can make it hard to compartmentalize minor tensions now from your longer-term, deeper conflicts with others. Try to remember this and give yourself ample time and space to react to obstacles; try to give those around you the benefit of the doubt when you can and give yourself permission to disengage when you can’t.
Type 5: The Investigator
This holiday might feel overwhelming for you because Enneagram Type 5s tend to have bigger, less flexible boundaries than other types; take the space you need but don’t shy away from the connections you can handle that will make your life better. Challenge yourself to tell the people in your life why you’re thankful for them, even if you’re scared it will leave you depleted. Emotional connections are important and taking the initiative might make you feel more in control and help show you that you don’t need to be so self-protective at all times. If you do find yourself needing space or time alone, make it clear to those around you that it’s not personal, just something you need to be your best self.
Type 6: The Loyalist
Type 6s always have their heads on a swivel, seeing potential bumps in the road miles before they happen. You know your loved ones and your holiday routines well; use this knowledge to think about potential stressors and make your peace with them ahead of time, making a plan if necessary. If you know you’re likely to have specific tensions with certain people, visualize a scenario with a positive outcome, like calmly changing the subject or breaking away from the situation before it escalates. Communication is key. Don’t get caught up in your head about what others expect or think of you; just ask!
Type 7: The Enthusiast
Your tendency as an Enneagram Type 7 is to speed through the parts of life that don’t enthrall you but this year has taught us more than most to appreciate time with loved ones for the gift that it is. See what you can value about the mundane this year. When there are quiet moments, spend a second reflecting on how special it is to hold them close instead of rushing on to the next topic or activity. See if these memories hold value even when they’re not exciting or novel, and reflect on what they mean to you.
Type 8: The Challenger
Have grace for others and practice empathy for yourself; people are stressed and tired and might make mistakes, and for once you might not need to hold them to your normal rigorous standards. Enneagram Type 8s are known for being blunt and honest but this year might be a time to practice holding your tongue if you notice that those around you seem more fragile or tired than normal. Use your innate protective instinct to watch out for your loved ones; your strength is always a gift but might be even more appreciated than usual this year.
Type 9: The Peacemaker
The holidays can be especially stressful for the mediators of the Enneagram; Type 9s are constantly finding themselves at the cool center of disagreements and conflicts year round, and the holidays can escalate this dynamic. People might try to make you responsible for their feelings, for settling arguments, or for listening to their grievances, but know that you never are. 9s can have a hard time exerting boundaries if there’s any risk of conflict and they’re also good at masking their negative emotions, making them extremely vulnerable at a time when everyone could use a good listener. It has never been more crucial to protect yourself; enforce your boundaries, even if this is sometimes awkward or not fully understood by your loved ones. You’re worth it.
No matter what your holiday looks like this year, there are bound to be factors that might trip up your weak spots, as well as ones that call to your strengths. Whether you’re calling in to a remote celebration, gathering with your household, celebrating alone this year or coping with setbacks or tragedy, this year will doubtless demand more of us than in the past. But the spirit of the holidays, the sense of gratitude and the appreciation for families, both blood and found, are things we need now more than ever. The year might demand more of us but there is a reward for rising to the challenge, working together and playing to our strengths; the Enneagram can be a great guiding tool for finding our way. I hope that wherever you find yourself this holiday, you’re able to make the best it can be and appreciate the strength within.
For centuries, reading tarot cards has been a way for people to connect with their intentions and deepen their intuition. A lot of people are drawn to tarot for the insights it can offer, but how does someone get started? Katelan Foisy, a Chicago-based writer, artist and occultist, has been reading tarot both professionally and personally for years. She knows better than anyone that reading tarot can be intimidating when you first start out, and she has some advice for the best experience.
Getting to Know Your Tarot Cards
Because the process of reading tarot is so personal to the individual, it’s important to have a deck that you feel connected to. “Look for the deck that speaks to you. Don’t look at the decks that are really popular.” Katelan says even if you’re shopping online, try to look closer at each deck to see what feels right to you. “Look at the way they’re drawn, the way they’re set up,” to find a deck that resonates. She says that more than once she bought or received a deck that was beautiful, but didn’t quite work for her. Katelan says that you can’t force it if you want to have accurate tarot readings. “It’s worth it to find the deck that works for you.”
When you first get a tarot deck, it’s important to make sure you’re attuned to it. Energy is a big part of tarot, and you want to make sure that you cleanse the cards of anyone else’s energy while getting used to them yourself. Katelan says that when you get a new deck, you should take some time to look through the cards and absorb the imagery. “Make sure you shuffle them really well; you can take some incense to get rid of any energy [from other people]. I wrap all my cards in scarves, and then I sleep with them under my pillow for three days. You’ll get some really strange dreams during that time, but it attunes your energy to the cards.”
Courtesy of Katelan Foisy, photo by Seth Kushner
When it comes to deciding where to read your tarot cards, Katelan says it should be wherever you feel most comfortable. When she reads cards professionally she’ll do it at a table, and the Bronx botanica she used to practice at had a table set up in an altar room, but her personal setup is less formal. “I am always sitting on the floor. I have these antique trays, and I like to pull cards on the trays if I’m doing a three card spread. If I’m doing a full spread I’ll do it on the couch or on the floor.”
Katelan also recommends learning more about the history of reading tarot to feel more connected and grounded in the practice. She points to its roots in the Romani culture, and in the Jewish New York tenements in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. “You’ll always notice with the history of fortune telling and card reading and tea reading and all of that, there were often surges of interest in it when wars were occurring, when something was happening. Now, in the pandemic, people are looking for answers and for meaning in their own lives.”
How to Start Reading Tarot
There’s no one right way to read tarot cards. Everything from the questions you ask, your approach, your interpretation, and even the number of cards you pull is up to you. Katelan says it’s more helpful when you don’t ask a yes or no question. “You’re going to want to ask a question that digs in more. ‘Where are my blocks? What can I do to alleviate these blocks? What’s the best course of action to live my best life and align with my higher self?'”
As for the number of cards you pull, it depends on what you want to accomplish. You could start by simply pulling one card a day to get a message for that day’s energy and intentions. You could pull three cards for a “past, present, future” spread. For a fuller reading you could pull a Celtic Cross, a ten-card spread that captures your current moment and the factors surrounding it. Katelan says this spread “gives you the core issue, what the basis of the matter is, the people you’re surrounded by, and gives you some insight into your dreams and fears about it.”
When it comes to reading the cards themselves, Katelan says you’re going to want to have a website or book reference on hand to look for individual meanings. The cards are broken up into two categories: the major arcana and the minor arcana. The major arcana cards mostly feature archetypal subjects like the fool, the devil, the lover or the priestess, while minor arcana cards are the ones that come in suits of “pips:” the swords, coins (or pentacles), cups and wands. Katelan says “The major arcana is mostly about the psyche, so it’s whatever you’re thinking, the changes that are occurring around you.” The minor arcana are mundane, signifying the external issues that surround you. The coins or pentacles signify issues of family, money, or stability. Cups are associated with emotions and relationships (“or anything else you feel emotional about”). Wands are about taking actions. And swords? “People get really scared when they see a lot of swords in their spread, but swords are communication. It can be action oriented but it’s usually mental conflict. When someone’s overthinking you can guarantee the spread will be full of swords.”
Katelan says everyone reads their spread differently, but one common way is to start with the majors first. “Let me focus on what I’m internally going through first, then look at the minors to see the everyday actions I need to take or look out for.”
Courtesy of Katelan Foisy
She says that you could think about tarot like a little town in and of itself. “The majors are the places you would go for greater knowledge. Say you get the High Priestess; it’s indicating that you need to focus on your own intuition, focus on the greater mysteries. If you’re really feeling something, maybe take a couple of days to see if the feeling’s still there. Say you come to The Lovers. That’s a choice you have to make.” The Lovers card indicates that you’re going to be faced with leaving an aspect of your life behind to make room for something new. The minor arcanas can help inform these bigger insights. “Say you get a minor as the outcome [in this three card spread]. Say it’s the ten of coins. So you have the High Priestess that’s asking you to look at all the facts, take a few days to mull over it, follow your intuition. You have The Lovers, meaning if you make this choice you’ll leave one aspect of your life behind, and then the ten of coins is leading into stability.”
You can also look at your spread as a whole, like a landscape, and glean meaning from interactions between the cards. Katelan says that the way the cards “interact” with each other in the spread can also give you information when you’re reading tarot. “If there are figures in the cards, are they looking towards each other or are they looking away from each other? That will indicate whether you’re stepping towards yourself or your goals or stepping away from them. For instance, if you’re thinking about switching jobs, and you go in for an interview. If two cards in their spread are facing each other, they’re thinking about you or you would be received well. If they’re facing away from each other, this might not be a good fit for you.”
Katelan describes how she’s used the cards’ combined meanings to glean a direction. She said at one point in her life, she found the Three of Cups guiding her to spend more time with her female friends. “That time in my life I had gone through a slew of really turbulent relationships. When I saw the three of cups along with two female cards, I think they were two queens, it was a sign I needed to focus on my relationships with women.”
Trust Your Instincts and Your Interpretation
Tarot is deeply subjective; reading the cards requires you to bring your own perspective and interpretation to each card’s meaning. Reading tarot is only as useful as the knowledge and intuition you bring, which is why Katelan suggests you spend a lot of time with your cards. “One of the things that people are going to want to do especially if they’ve never worked with a deck before is just to spend some time with them. There’s so much symbolism in them.” She says one way you can get to know your deck is by looking at just one or two cards a day, taking in the symbolism of each one, and writing down what you think their meaning is. “Then, look them up online or in a book and see if it coincides. A lot of times you’re going to pick up on things.”
Looking up the meaning of each card is crucial to reading, but so is being able to think about how the meanings apply to your own life. It might be confusing, as a beginner, if you’re asking your deck about the blocks you’re experiencing and you get a card like The Star. “You might say, ‘how is the Star card, a genuinely good card, my block?’ And that might mean that the person is only ever looking at the future hope of things but never taking actions to make it a reality.” The same thing goes if you see a more troubling card, like The Devil, in your future. Katelan says there’s no cause to worry about lurking evil. “The Devil card would be associated with Capricorn energy, so what you’re stepping into right now is the need to get out of your head and take action the way a Capricorn would work on something. Focus on your goals. The main thing is just looking at a lot of these interpretations and seeing how they fit into your life.”
Courtesy of Katelan Foisy, photo by Seth Kushner
Don’t Panic!
Like The Devil, there are a few other cards that might frighten someone when reading tarot for the first time. You might be worried about the possibility of pulling a “scary” card, but Katelan says these cards are less likely to spell danger and more likely to show you areas of your life that need care, or places where change is coming..
“The Death card, Devil card, Three of Swords, Ten of Swords, Eight of Swords, Nine of Swords, Five of Coins… People get really worried when they see those. For instance, the Five of Coins is two people shivering outside in the snow in front of a church with its lights on.” She says this is the wounded healer card, signifying that you’re spending too much energy trying to heal others when you should be healing yourself. “Obviously people get freaked out by the Devil card, but it’s not necessarily bad.” She says The Devil can indicate a vice or an unhealthy area in your life like a relationship or a thought process. “Someone who overthinks so much that they spend hours procrastinating because they’re worried about something and they don’t do it: for that the Devil card would come up. It’s not necessarily something horrible.”
There is one card that can be a bit more troubling, Katelan says. “The Tower card is rough, I’m gonna say. It’s rough. It always is for the good of the person, but it usually indicates that something they either believed or something they were building is going to crumble down. It says that you’re going to have this moment of truth but it’s not going to feel good. But,” she says, “it’s also not going to be forever and you’re going to move forward. Sometimes it could just mean a huge breakthrough. It’s not always super rough but it can be.” Every year Katelan pulls a card on her birthday to read the energy of the year ahead, and one year she knew she would pull The Tower before she even flipped the card. “It was the most turbulent year of my life,” she says. “Afterwards I understood why everything had to happen but I didn’t expect to have a year of crying.”
She says that her response when she pulls one of the more challenging cards is to pull more cards for more context and clarity. She tells a story about a client who got The Tower and knew it meant their marriage was failing. “We pulled more cards and we saw that this person’s career was about to take off, so it was good that it was all coming up now because it would have held them back. A lot of times when The Tower comes up it means something is holding you back that you need to let go. You may not want to but you need to, in order for something better to come along. That person ended up finding a partner that was great for them.” She says pulling more cards can also give you guidance on how to cope; pulling other cards to inform The Tower is how she pulled the Three of Cups that pointed her towards her female friends. These supporting cards can help give you a direction or guidance. For instance, “if you get the Ace of Swords it might be telling you to journal so it doesn’t get bottled up inside you.”
If You’re Not Ready for Tarot…
Not everyone is ready commit to purchasing a tarot deck, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use tarot’s lessons of intention setting and clarity. “If someone doesn’t want to go full into the tarot, they can go for oracle cards,” Katelan says. “They’re easy starters and a lot of people like them because they’ll give insight on what to focus on for the day.” She recommends the Rumi Oracle deck, which has cards with poetry and meditations on them for a daily message. For something more to-the-point, Katelan illustrated a deck of oracle cards called the Sibyls Oraculum. “It gives you a core issue and can be very matter-of-fact. It’s like your grandmother who tells you, ‘Yeah, you know what your problem is? This.'” If the imagery on some tarot cards is too intense for you, she recommends the The Wayhome Tarot and its beautiful, soothing illustrations.
The principal of reading tarot is looking for symbols and applying them to life, which means you can harness the same energy by seeing how symbols show up for you throughout your everyday. You can start to look up images that appear in your dreams and see if they give you any baring on your circumstances. Keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary in the course of your routine. “A sign can be anything,” Katelan says. “It can be a rose blooming in the winter. You can watch for certain animals and look up their symbolism. I know when I have to be more gentle with myself I’ll see deer everywhere. If someone needs to take hold of their time and restore their energy, they might see squirrels gathering nuts. If you’re worried about prosperity, look out for money on the ground. When you pick it up, thank the universe for your prosperity and all of a sudden you’ll start to see more money. Things will start to shift. It really is focusing on your surroundings and changing a little bit of the energy of that reality around you.”
No matter your approach to reading tarot, Katelan’s parting message is just not to get frustrated when you’re first starting out. Like any discipline, reading tarot takes time and intention. In time you can start to learn the cards and learn your preferences, maybe even picking up a favorite card or two along the way.
“The wheel of fortune has always been my favorite card,” she says. “I feel like it keeps me grounded because there are going to be times when everything’s fantastic and there’s going to be times where everything is awful, so remember that the wheel is turning.”
As someone who’s lived with rheumatoid arthritis for years, I know the toll that swollen or painful joints can have on the quality of your life. Living with arthritis can mean having to ask for help or changing your routine to exclude the things that are too hard or painful. Thankfully, living with arthritis doesn’t have to mean losing your independence; sometimes it just means finding new solutions. If you’ve been trying to figure out how to live an independent, comfortable life with arthritis, help could be just a click away. Here are 9 products that can help you overcome some typical obstacles easily and painlessly.
Getting silverware that suits your needs is one of the easiest ways to help your arthritis out. These wider utensils are easier to grip and will prevent any pain or difficulty while you eat.
Opening cans and bottles can be a tall order for someone with arthritis as gripping, pulling and twisting can all cause wear and tear on your joints. Using a multipurpose tool like this one means you won’t have to wrestle with lids or stubborn tops anymore.
If your arthritis makes it hard for you to reach a blow dryer around your head, this is one easy way to help make your daily routine less taxing. Freeing up your hands and joints from more painful angles will make getting ready easy and comfortable.
You wouldn’t think of reading or writing as being particularly demanding, but with arthritis these tasks can quickly become painful. This board has been specifically designed to help those with arthritis, using a comfortable ergonomic angle that won’t leave you distracted from your work or reading by aches or pains. It’s also magnetic so you can keep your pens or anything else exactly where you need them.
Most of us use scissors on an everyday basis, but many pairs don’t offer comfort or convenience to people with arthritis. Make this everyday tool work for you instead of against you by buying a pair of scissors that you can easily maneuver.
If picking things up off of the floor has become something you dread, a grabbing tool can be a helpful way to help avoid movements that aggravate your arthritis. Having this one tool around can help you avoid a whole range of motions that can cause discomfort or lasting pain, saving you time, energy and effort in your daily life.
If you’re someone who likes to do their own maintenance or tend a garden, you know that kneeling can be especially hard on your knees and can cause you to tap out before you’re finished with the task at hand. These kneeling pads can soften any irritation, letting you stay in position for longer without needing to get up or shift around.
If you love jewelry but have started needing help with the smaller clasps due to arthritis, a small tool like this can be a life saver. This fastener can give you back more control over the jewelry you’re able to wear, no matter how difficult the clasps are.
Dressing yourself is a big part of independence for many people; if you’ve found it hard to maneuver belt loops, sleeves, shoes or even socks because of arthritis, this multi-use dresser stick can help. Just a few simple hooks and clasps can give you command over a whole range of motion, making it easier than ever to get ready for the day on your own.
Living with arthritis isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Helpful tools like these can reduce everyday pain and discomfort and even help maintain independence and agency for people with arthritis. Being able to regain the ability to do certain things easily again has its own special joy and freedom; I hope some of these tools will help you reclaim your own power to live free of pain or discomfort.
As someone who’s been vegetarian for almost two decades, I’m no stranger to the look of panic in hosts’ eyes when they hear about a dietary restriction. It’s easy to feel like holiday foods are off limits when you’re avoiding animal products; comfort foods can often be full of cream, dairy, and lard, all things that vegans have to stay far away from. But the truth is, whether it’s substituting a few ingredients in a family favorite or discovering something new and delicious, there’s a whole world full of festive and nourishing foods that are amenable to a vegan diet. For years now my long-suffering mom and I (but mostly my mom) have worked together to find fun, tasty vegan alternatives to slip into the traditional holiday fray, and the truth is there have never been more options! If you’re looking for easy ways to have a vegan (or vegan-friendly) Thanksgiving, check out a few of these products and recipes!
Vegan Recipe Substitutions
Vegan Spinach & Artichoke Potato Skins, Courtesy of Follow Your Heart
A simple substitution is all it takes to make many dishes vegan friendly. For many recipes that require butter, you can replace it with olive oil or Earth Balance’s vegan buttery spread. This can vegan-ize many of your favorite sides from mashed potatoes to brussels sprouts with no extra work included.
If your favorite Thanksgiving food requires cheese, many brands offer tasty vegan alternatives in almost any form you could need. Vegan brands Daiya and Follow Your Heart are available in most grocery stores. Both offer plant-based shredded and sliced cheese and even parmesan-style flakes that can enhance any queso, dip or baked good. When you’re shopping, be mindful of cheeses that are labelled lactose-free or casein-free but aren’t labelled vegan; these cheeses are usually made with real milk but are processed to make them safe for people with lactose allergies.
Gravy is a Thanksgiving necessity, and luckily there are plenty of ways to make it vegan-friendly! A popular vegan substitute has always been the tried and truemushroom gravy. If you’re not the biggest fan of the taste of mushrooms, though, you still have meatless gravy options! For a ready-made alternative, Road’s End Organics and Tofurky both offer rich, savory gravy with no animal by-products. If you prefer to make your own gravy, Imagine No-Chicken broth can make the perfect base. Simply mix some corn starch with cold water and slowly mix it into a boiling pot of the broth until it reaches your preferred thickness and you’ve got gravy that’s just as tasty as the original.
Vegan Stuffing
Vegan Stuffing by Kat Boytsova, Courtesy of Delish
You can make vegan stuffing from almost any stuffing mix (as long as it doesn’t already have meat or dairy in it) by mixing it with vegetable stock and vegan butter. If you want it to be even closer to the original, you can use Imagine’s No-Chicken Brothin place of vegetable stock.
Tofurky Roast With Chipotle Maple Glaze, Courtesy of Tofurky
As a vegetarian I held off for years on trying Tofurky and now I am filled with regret because every product they make is tasty, perfectly seasoned, and filling. Tofurky’s range of products can provide a protein to fit any Thanksgiving menu you have. Tofurky’s most popular Thanksgiving offerings are roasts filled with either wild rice or vegan gravy and each make a perfect vegan Thanksgiving centerpiece. If you ‘d prefer a ham-style protein, they’ve got you covered as well with an ale glazed ham roast.
If you’re looking for a more neutral protein base to season yourself, seitan, Gardein strips or Quorn fillets are all chicken-adjacent in flavor and texture and can be prepared to fit perfectly into your Thanksgiving plans. Likewise, Nature’s Primeoffers soy proteins that can be flavored for any dish and come in a variety of sizes to fit your purposes.
If you’re looking for a more extensive entree, My Quiet Kitchen has a recipe for a seitan loafyou can make using tofu, some seasonings, and a food processor.
If the holidays always get you in the mood for a pot pie, you don’t have to abstain just because you’re vegan. Raised Gluten Free and Alpha Pot Pie both make tasty, flaky plant-based pot pies that will look good in any Thanksgiving spread.
If you’ve mourned the loss of biscuits after cutting out dairy, Minimalist Baker’s recipe for vegan biscuitswill be a lifesaver. This recipe remains permanently at the top of my metaphorical recipe box. It always produces tasty, flaky biscuits that can keep for weeks in the freezer. Just remember not to let your vegan butter reach room temperature while you’re preparing them!
Mac and cheese was always one of my favorite sides growing up; luckily, going vegan didn’t mean having to say goodbye. Annie’s, Amy’s, Daiya, Sweet EarthandField Roast each have their variations on vegan mac and cheese, meaning you’ll never have to miss out on this iconic side.
If you can never get enough potato in your life, I Love Vegan’s recipe for duchess potatoes, made with creamy non-dairy milk and chives, will make the perfect upgrade to your Thanksgiving table.
For an easy ready-made dessert, Daiya’s vegan cheesecakes are always a crowd favorite. Trader Joe’s cinnamon rolls are also 100% vegan!
Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without pumpkin pie, and luckily you won’t have to miss out with this beautiful vegan version from Delish. Many store-bought pie crusts aren’t vegan because of their lard content, but Trader Joe’s frozen crusts are totally vegan-friendly and can save you the labor of making a crust from scratch. You won’t even have to skimp on the topping, thanks to Reddi Wip’s almond milk-based whipped cream.
Eating plant-based doesn’t have to be a hassle, and it certainly doesn’t need to add any extra stress to your holidays. Keeping a few of these substitutions and recipes in your back pocket is an easy way to make sure everyone’s taken care of at Thanksgiving; you might even end up starting a new family tradition! Whether you fall in love with seitan as a protein or realize dairy-free dessert is the way to go, there’s a vegan Thanksgiving food out there for everyone.
You might think of personality tests as a way to find deeper meaning within, or learn more about those closest to you. While these are both true, your Myers Briggs type isn’t just useful for learning more about yourself; equally importantly, it can also help you find the perfect winter accessory to add to your collection this year. That’s right; for every virtue, vice, or deep-seated strength your Myers Briggs type can reveal about you, it can also show you the hat, scarf, or other winter accessory that is calling to the deepest part of your psyche. I love the Myers Briggs not just as a tool for deeper understanding, but also as a way to have a little fun, and I hope you feel the same!
So, without further ado, here’s the winter accessory you should seriously consider adding to your collection this year based on your personality type.
Sensitive, spontaneous and unique, you love your music as much as you love a quiet walk in the snow. These earmuffs will keep you warm while you’re carefully curating the soundtrack to your life.
As an INFP type on the Myers Briggs, you’ve got a rich inner world and are happiest with some time and space to yourself. Nothing will manifest the feeling of being in your own cozy little space better than a gigantic fluffy scarf like this one.
Spend hours getting excited about how nobody knows what you could have in your secret scarf pocket and stashing random things in it. Realize hours later that, while you have a pack of gum, a cool rock you found, and a magic trick of some kind, you forgot to actually bring your money, phone, or any form of ID. Do not allow this to ruin your moment.
Is having an electric blanket for your car overkill? Only if you’ve got something against being warm and cozy. As a Myers Briggs type, ENFJs are nurturing, organized, and not afraid to go big when it comes to comfort. Plus, you’ll be more than happy to share when your loved ones inevitably want to get in on the car coziness.
You’re as passionate as you are committed to your personal style, which means that if you’re staying inside until spring then at least it’s going to be cute.
As an ISTJ type on the Myers Briggs, you have never once been disappointed to receive socks as a gift. That’s because you see socks as the treasure that they are: lifesaving, toe warming comforts that help you get through the day. These thick, warm wool socks in different patterns will be the perfect addition to your winter sock collection.
You’d rather freeze to death than get involved in whatever thermostat politics there are in your house or workplace; luckily now there’s another option! The perfect solution for even the most noncommittal of ISTPs, this little space heater can be there when you need it and is small enough to put away whenever you don’t.
In the Myers Briggs, ESFJs are highly passionate and detail oriented; there’s no one who appreciates a matching set like you. You love finding a concept and executing it almost as much as you like it when things match, and with this set you’re going to make this winter be the most perfect winter yet.
You are serious about your resting time; when it’s time for you to clock out you can’t wait to throw on your comfiest sweats and hibernate. Upgrade your normal loungewear for the chilly months with these fleece-lined joggers.
As an ENTJ type on the Myers Briggs, you like to keep your tech close, whether it’s to document your friends having fun or respond to a work email in record time. These gloves keep you in the know while also saving you from frostbite.
Thoughtful and responsible, if there’s a simple way to make life easier, you want to know about it. You’ll love the relief of having this device to give you a little warmth whenever you need it, and you can give your (less well prepared) friends’ phones a charge at the same time!
Whether it’s planning weekend ski trips, salting the driveway or fixing the boiler, you’re the Myers Briggs type who keeps things running in the winter and you certainly can’t do that without a hot cup of coffee available to you at all times. This mug will keep your beverage warm for hours and you can take it with you wherever your missions call you.
If you’re going to defend the title of Ultimate Snowball Fight Champion that you’ve held your entire life, you’re going to need a good pair of waterproof gloves on your side.
ESFPs have a knack for style and always find themselves attracted to the classics. This elegant faux fur piece will have you channeling Audrey well into the New Year.
Because your Myers Briggs type is known as The Investigator, you might think this recommendation is a reference to your Sherlock Holmes roots. Actually, it’s because I know how much you hate being bothered by strangers, and these massive ear flaps give you all the plausibility you need to pretend you can’t hear anyone who tries to speak to you against your will while you’re out grocery shopping.
These charging thermal socks will be sure to come in handy the next time you underestimate a hike or go on an impromptu camping trip, keeping you warm the entire time you insist you’re reading the trail markers correctly.
While your Myers Briggs type can tell you so many important things about your deepest, truest self, it doesn’t always have to be serious! Some days your four letters might point you towards a struggle to overcome or a trait to appreciate, but they can also be used to highlight the fun things as well. I hope that today the Myers Briggs has brought you closer to the perfect winter accessory for you.
If you’ve ever found yourself frantically Googling symptoms after your dog or cat ate something it shouldn’t, you know that you can’t always tell what’s going to present a hazard to your furry companions. Some dangerous substances can come from unexpected places; you probably know that chocolate is toxic to dogs, but did you know that sugar-free gum can be just as poisonous? As pet owners, we want to know we’re doing out best to protect out pets and keep them safe and healthy. One of the easiest ways to keep your pet safe is by taking preventative action and making sure you aren’t exposing them to danger via your choices of houseplant, bouquet or even essential oils. Knowing the common products that are toxic to dogs and cats can better prepare you to keep them safe and happy in your home.
Food
You probably know that dogs can’t have chocolate, but there are a few more dangers lurking in your cabinet that you might not expect. The reason that chocolate is bad for dogs is primarily the caffeine content, which means coffee is equally toxic for pets. Xylitol, an ingredient found in a lot of sugar-free gums, is toxic to both dogs and cats. Grapes and raisins are both dangerous for dogs, as are onions and garlic. Nuts, like macadamia, almonds, pecans and walnuts, have a high fat content that can cause vomiting and diarrhea in dogs. Your dog might beg for raw or undercooked meat, but they’re just as susceptible to salmonella and other bacteria-related illnesses as you are; make sure if you’re giving your dog some meat that it’s been cooked thoroughly.
Plants
Everyone loves a bouquet, but there are several blooms you might want to skip if you have animals in the house. Lilies are well known as toxic to pets, but they’re not the only plant that can do harm to your best friend. The American Animal Association’s official list of plants that are toxic to dogs and cats includes azaleas, daffodils, hyacinths, and tulips. If you’re shopping for a bouquet, it’s always a good idea to look up the flowers to make sure they’re safe to bring into a home with pets. Another common but dangerous plant is aloe vera; it’s safe as a topical treatment for pets and dogs can even drink aloe juice, but chewing on the plant itself can expose your pet to toxins they can’t handle. There are a few plants that are specifically dangerous for cats like mistletoe, poinsettia, rhododendron, pothos and eucalyptus. Oleander is poisonous not just to pets but to humans as well; the blooms might look appealing but if you have pets or children in your home you might want to look for a different plant.
Home Goods
We might not think of fabric softener sheets as particularly toxic, but they’re coated in many chemicals that can cause acute distress if your dog or cat gets a bite of one. Coins are another hazard to be careful of; they can not only cause your dog to potentially choke or put them in intestinal distress, but the metals in coins can be toxic to dogs and do damage to their kidneys and livers.
You should obviously be careful about storing cleaning products as many of them are toxic by nature; an easy non-toxic cleaning alternative is vinegar distilled in water. If you’ve been worried about the Swiffer Wet Jet as potentially toxic to dogs or cats, though, we have good news: the ASPCA deemed that the ingredients involved are safe for use in homes with pets.
Essential Oils
One thing you might not be thinking about when pet-proofing your home is your essential oil diffuser, but the truth is that some essential oils can be dangerous for pets due to the high concentration of different substances. Essential oils can affect cats more than dogs; ingesting any oil could harm their organs, inhaling could cause pneumonia, and skin contact might cause irritation.Whether an essential oil is toxic or not depends on the ingredients, so it’s always best to check before using a new essential oil in a space your pet has access to. Essential oils that are toxic to pets include nutmeg, clove, cinnamon, tea tree oil, thyme, oregano, lavender, wintergreen, peppermint, pine and eucalyptus. Anything with citrus (like lemon or orange) can be especially toxic to dogs.
If you’re worried that your cat or dog ingested something toxic, you can check the Pet Poison Helpline for information and next steps. Pets are a part of our family, and it’s always good to check when they eat something they’re not supposed to. Prevention and anticipation are often the best ways to make sure you can breathe easy about your pet’s safety.
I’ve had a lot of people ask me over the years why I spend so much time talking, thinking and reading about the Enneagram personality test. I know it seems intimidating at first, or you might think it must be overly simplistic if it can fit every person into 9 boxes. But the truth is that the Enneagram is one of the best tools I’ve ever found for understanding myself and knowing my friends and family better. In short: if you love people, you’ll love the Enneagram.
When you start reading descriptions of the nine Enneagram types, you’ll quickly start to recognize your own friends in the words. “Sacrificial to a fault,” or “can find common ground with anyone” or “needs plenty of alone time to study and read.” We all know people in our lives that fit these descriptions. People can be so hard to understand sometimes, even (and sometimes especially) the ones you’re close to, and the Enneagram is there to help you bridge those gaps. I know that my Mediator (or Type 9) friends are more likely to repress their opinions and feelings so I make sure to create space for them to feel heard. I know not to take it personally when my Observer (Type 5) friends need time, space and quiet to recharge. And I know to take it easy on my Perfectionist (Type 1) friends for wanting certain things “just so.” I also know that, as a Type 6 or Loyalist, I’m more likely to overthink, anticipate negative outcomes, or worry about the intentions of those close to me, and now that I know those things about myself it’s become increasingly easier to not let those instincts dominate my life.
How the Enneagram Informs Relationships
At its root, the Enneagram is for understanding the different needs and perspectives that make people who they are. I use the Enneagram every day to improve communication and strengthen relationships by looking at how it informs peoples’ needs, insecurities, and potential sources of conflict. Every Enneagram type has strengths and weaknesses, and it’s so illuminating to be aware of both.
Read below to learn more about the 9 Enneagram types and how to have the best relationship with each one.
Type 1: The Perfectionist
Type 1s are born knowing there is a right way to do everything and, as luck would have it, their way is the right one every time. Type 1s tend to have a lot of rules, and prefer to see the world in shades of black and white. Their strong moral core combined with this uncompromising approach to life might cause friction with types who are more ambiguous or nebulous, and the confusion is mutual. If you’ve ever met someone who has an organizer for their organizers, that person is a Type 1.
Needs
Overall, Type 1s need order, cleanliness and for everything to be right. Because their understanding of “right” is so absolute, it can stress them out if they’re anywhere near someone doing something wrong. When you’re in a Type 1’s space, you need to respect that everything is in a certain place for a reason, and follow any rules or boundaries they set up carefully because they’re important. Whether it’s a shoes off rule or a certain system for deciding who gets to pick the movie, any system that a Type 1 has constructed is important for them to maintain their version of order.
Insecurities
Every type on the Enneagram has a central need, and because of this they also each have their own unspoken fears. For Type 1s, this fear is that they’ll never be good enough. You might think they have high expectations for others, but those are nothing compared to the expectations they have for themselves. The fatal flaw with pursuing perfection all the time is that you might trick yourself into thinking you can attain it, making each failure or shortcoming sting even more.
If you love a Type 1, be aware of their inner critic. If they sound disappointed in the outcome of a project or pursuit, it’s important to affirm the effort and let them know their value exists regardless of their achievements. Make sure your critiques are loving and solution-oriented so they don’t feed the common Type 1 perception that failure makes them unworthy of love.
Potential Sources of Conflict
Because Type 1s can be uncompromising, it’s easy to drift into disagreements over even minor things. You might notice they always put the remotes back in the same spot, or correct your method of cleaning even if yours feels adequate to you. If these things aren’t particularly important to you, I’d suggest just letting the 1 do what they feel is right, but don’t be afraid to voice how you feel. Type 1s want to be good at relationships the same way they want to be good at everything else, so calmly approaching them with a problem and asking them to solve it with you will usually yield good results.
Type 2: The Helper
Enneagram type 2s are interesting for a lot of reasons. You could describe them as the kindest, most selfless type in the Enneagram, and in a way you’d be right. Type 2s have an almost supernatural ability to read the people around them, identifying their needs and accommodating them in ways that might go completely unnoticed. 2s are the ones that will volunteer to drive your cousin’s girlfriend’s roommate to the airport at 6am, insisting the entire time that it’s no big deal. In some ways, 2s thrive on connection more than any other type; they value relationships above everything else, but this emphasis can also put them in some tight spots if it’s not handled healthily.
Needs
It might sound cliché, but a Type 2’s number one need is just to be needed. They work overtime to create space for themselves in the lives of those around them, filling and sometimes even fostering needs where they find them. Type 2s worry more than other types about their place in others’ lives; their focus on connection makes it hard for them to see their own value apart from their relationships.
Insecurities
Deep down, a Type 2 has a fear that if nobody needed them, then nobody would want them around. This is what drives them to (sometimes insane) lengths to prove to others how valuable they can be. 2s use reciprocation as a measuring stick, sometimes on an extremely minute level, to help them make sense of their place in the world, which is why it’s so important to treat them as they treat others: with kindness and attentiveness.
Potential Sources of Conflict
Because 2s are so good at anticipating needs, they can make it very hard to reciprocate. “I don’t want to be a burden,” is a common Type 2 catchphrase; they worry that taking instead of giving will exhaust those around them. Ironically, often reciprocation is the exact thing 2s are looking for, even if they can’t let themselves admit it. If you find your Type 2 sulking after a milestone that they insisted they didn’t want to make a big deal out of, it’s likely they secretly did, very much, want to make a big deal out of it and just couldn’t communicate it for fear of rejection. The easiest way to avoid these conflict sand traps is by making it clear that your love won’t vanish the second your Type 2 needs help or can’t provide a service to you. Making a 2 feel safe that they’re valued no matter what should always be a priority; make it clear that speaking their needs is both important and helpful to you as a friend or partner.
Type 3: The Achiever
The definition of a social chameleon, Type 3s like to read their surroundings and figure out the best way to shine. 3s are driven by success and achievement, but this can take so many forms. Type 3s turn up different facets of their personalities to becomethe embodiment of success wherever they find themselves. In professional settings, this makes them driven ladder climbers and excellent networkers who dominate their goals. In social settings you’ll often find the 3 at the center of the action, absolutely sparkling as they share the perfect anecdote or offer a well-timed quip. 3s are often one of the most goal-oriented types, always pursuing personal betterment and evolution with a laser focus.
Needs
Because 3s tend to define success by what others think it is, they can often lose track of their inner needs and desires in favor of the perceptions of those around them. It’s easy for a 3 to get so caught up in projecting different versions of themselves that they forget their truest form, or start to think it’s unimportant. A 3’s drive to both appear and be successful can overshadow every other one of their other needs and can make them avoid vulnerability or owning up to mistakes or missteps.
Insecurities
Enneagram Type 3s are often focused on output and appearances and it can be easy for them to think that they’re only as good as their last success. This type can have workaholic tendencies and can have a hard time making space for anything that doesn’t fit into their 5 year plan. This can lead them to neglect relationships or self care, especially when it comes to resting and relaxation.
Potential Sources of Conflict
Because 3s are naturals at editing themselves to suit their surroundings, this tendency can also show up in conflict. A 3 might be averse to apologizing because it forces them to admit they made a mistake, something that goes against everything they work for. They don’t like to linger in uncomfortable conflict, especially if it’s the result of a mistake they made; they would rather “edit” the record so that this mistake never happened. Getting a 3 to sit down and own up to their part in an argument can be a tall order. One way to soften a 3’s editing reflex is to start a conversation with positive affirmations and reminders of things they’re good at before addressing your problem.
Type 4: The Romantic
If you have a friend who always says they feel they’re destined to be famous (or to die young), then congratulations: you know a Type 4. 4s define themselves by their uniqueness and individuality; more than any other type a 4 believes they are set apart in some way from everyone else on earth. This pursuit of individuality shows up all over a Type 4’s life: they tend to be very creative in their free time, pick up eclectic hobbies, listen to bands nobody’s ever heard of, and put thought and care into every wardrobe decision. 4s also tend to be extremely connected to their inner emotions; they generally have no problem getting deep or vulnerable and expect their openness to be matched by their partners and loved ones.
Needs
Type 4s need to feel special and unique, and they also want to feel affirmed in that individuality. They feel the need to define themselves and their personal style in everything they do, separating themselves from the rest of the world with every choice they make. Type 4s work overtime to make sure every moment sparkles with joy or is at least cinematically tragic; they are allergic to appearing ordinary or being forced to experience the mundane.
Insecurities
Because Type 4s are so in touch with their emotions, don’t shy away from negative feelings and define themselves by their separation from others, it’s easy for them to get wrapped in melancholy or loneliness. They feel things very deeply and can rankle at anyone who tries to discount their reactions as “over the top.” 4s spend a lot of time daydreaming and idealizing; this is a trait that can be very charming but can also keep them from being present to enjoy the things that are right in front of them.
Potential Sources of Conflict
Because 4s tend to stay in touch with their emotions, conflicts can quickly turn dramatic or melancholic without much prodding. Most 4s have an underlying sense that they’re separate from everyone else, so it’s easy for them to believe that a small disagreement today will lead to a huge, irresolvable conflict someday in the future. 4s can have a strong fear of abandonment and they carry their deepest emotions close to the surface, meaning that even a minor disagreement might unlock some powerful feelings for them. A Type 4 is predisposed to feeling misunderstood, so it’s important to make sure they feel heard and acknowledged in any conflict.
Type 5: The Observer
Every time I’m asked to describe a Type 5, I always have to fight the temptation to start with “Picture a mad scientist, comfortably running experiments alone in his immaculately kept lab surrounded by stacks and stacks of books.” I know not everyone hears “mad scientist” and thinks it’s a compliment, but that’s how I mean it. 5s know how to build an inner sanctum unlike any other, and not just physically. You’ll know a 5 by their tendency to stockpile knowledge they find useful, important, or even just interesting.
Needs
5s are built a bit differently than other types; they’re the most introverted type on the Enneagram, requiring tons of alone time and space to themselves to thrive. This, combined with a tendency to distance themselves from strangers, can give Type 5s a reputation for being cold or antisocial. However, both of these characteristics come from a central need that 5s have to conserve and hold onto their resources. 5s base a lot of security in the resources they amass; whether it’s time, energy or knowledge, 5s guard what they have with a ferocity. Because of this, they’re more likely to hesitate when they’re asked to give their time or energy away, worrying about the potential drain to their reserves.
Insecurities
Whether a 5 realizes it or not, their tendency to hoard stems from an instinct for self preservation and a fear of being caught unprepared. This is also what can keep them from trust or vulnerability. 5s are as protective of their hearts as they are of their physical spaces and are careful about who they allow in. A 5’s trust is valuable; it usually takes a long time to earn, but being allowed into a Type 5’s inner circle is always a gift.
Potential Sources of Conflict
Because 5s are so internally oriented and preservation-minded, they can be hard to understand or communicate with at first. 5s are likely to believe they have everything they need on their own and have no problem shutting the world out if it starts presenting problems or inconveniences. A 5’s first line of defense in a conflict is often to simply close themselves off and freeze others out, circling the wagons until they can arrive at their own conclusions. A 5 might not be particularly in touch with their emotions, preferring knowledge and logic, so it’s always important to approach them calmly and reasonably. Appearing defensive or emotional might make them feel attacked because emotionally charged situations can be very taxing on their reserves.
Type 6: The Loyalist
As a 6, I often think about how well the type’s two names, The Loyalist and The Skeptic, explain the type’s priorities. We 6s value our relationships highly, putting a lot of effort into our connections to people they’ve chosen to trust. Trust is a big deal to 6s because our other main identifier is being reserved, cautious and sometimes downright suspicious about the world around them.
It’s definitely true that Type 6 is known for overthinking and over-anticipating danger, whether it’s double-checking the locks or planning an entire conversation in advance. We tend to be more reactionary, and have an instinct for self-preservation that can keep us distant from people we don’t know very well. But here’s the strength of The Loyalist: we don’t just crave security and stability, we create those things for the people around us as well. We tend to check in with the people in our lives; we desire community so we tend to create communities. The hyper-awareness that can make us reactionary also means we’re always noticing the little things around us and remembering details about others. If you have a friend who lives far away but always manages to check in when you’ve had a major achievement or experienced a hardship, you probably have a 6 in your life.
Needs
Above all else Type 6 wants to feel safe and secure. You can see this need show up in every sphere of our lives, from our small but deep circles of friends to our regular calls to loved ones to a strong precedent of asking a thousand questions before going somewhere new for the first time. I have not yet met a Type 6 that doesn’t hate surprises, or, at least, being told that there’s going to be a surprise and given no other information. 6s tend to react poorly to changes when they’re sprung on us unexpectedly and might need more time to adjust to new information than other types.
Insecurities
At the deepest level, a Type 6 believes that they can prevent anything bad from ever happening if only they try hard enough. When you see a Type 6 triple-checking that the oven is off or avoiding products with parabens or checking in on a friend who’s going through a hard time, it’s because they know that if they didn’t, something terrible would happen. On a minor level, a 6’s tendency to anticipate can be useful or even convenient: they’re usually the ones to think to call a restaurant to make sure it’s open on Mondays before you get in the car, or move a glass of water from a precarious position before it’s knocked over. However, if this thinking goes unchecked, it can make a 6 feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders and they can start freezing (or consulting everyone they know) when asked to make even the smallest decision.
Potential Sources of Conflict
If you’re close to a Type 6, it won’t be long before you encounter some of their “foibles;” circling back to make sure the cat was in or a burner is off or the car wasn’t too far from the curb is bound to feel tedious sometimes. As a 6, I’ve learned that the most productive way to treat these impulses is by greeting them with gratitude, receiving the information, and letting it go. Yes, the car might be parked a bit far from the curb, thank you, but it probably won’t be the end of the world. It’s a careful line to walk, but being supportive and loving while also being gently inquisitive about the feelings behind the fears can be a helpful way to approach a 6 when they seem stressed out.
Type 7: The Enthusiast
Enneagram Type 7s are some of the most fun people to be around, because having fun is one of their top missions in life. Type 7s spend their time chasing joy, fun, happiness, adventure… pretty much any sensation on the positive side of the spectrum. While this means there’s never a dull moment while they’re around, this love for the fun parts of life can also translate to an aversion for anything negative or serious. 7s desire freedom above anything else, which can make them hesitant to take on any longterm commitments or obligations.
Needs
A Type 7 feels their happiest when they feel their most free, untethered by complications or situations that keep them bogged down. This means many 7s rankle at responsibility and might have a lifelong aversion to a 9-to-5 career path, but on a deeper level they just want to be able to choose the life they want, every day. This type tends to always have a new passion or project to chase, and feels the happiest when they’re in the “Honeymoon phase” with one of these projects, before their interest wanes and their attention is captured by something new.
Insecurities
Type 7s might seem like they’re chasing positives, but that’s only half the story. Instead they might often be fleeing negatives. 7s have a fear of experiencing pain or letdowns; they don’t let themselves process anything bad, instead opting to jump ahead to the next emotional high. Type 7s also tend to have a fear of missing out on anything which can keep them from being present. The way that potential adventures look in a 7’s mind almost always outshines their current reality, meaning they can find themselves in a cycle of disappointment followed by chasing the next new thing.
Potential Sources of Conflict
It can be extremely hard to get a 7 to sit through a conversation about a miscommunication, disagreement, or violated boundary because they simply would prefer not to deal. Because they’re so easily bored and always on the move, they might test their partners’ ability to improvise, demanding flexibility and spontaneity to a fault. They see reality as more changeable than other types, meaning that there’s very little they hold sacred or even take seriously.
Type 8: The Challenger
I have a vivid memory of sitting on a bench outside my college dorm while one of my friends took the Enneagram test. He laughed when he came across a certain question: “Life is a battle, and I intend to win it. That’s me!” he said. If I had known the Enneagram as well then as I do now, I could have just told him to stop taking the quiz because that sentence was the most Type 8 statement you could ever hope to hear. Type 8s see life through the lens of momentum, or conflict. “No pain, no gain” was definitely coined by an 8. There’s no need to put on kid gloves when you’re dealing with an 8, and you should prepare some thick skin of your own: 8s love to spar, see arguments as a form of play and tend not to take things personally. Their tendency to steer into conflict might attract them to playing the devil’s advocate, but it also makes them champions for others. Type 8s have a strong streak for justice, and they’re more than prepared to level their strength against any bully they encounter.
Enneagram Type 8 Needs
Above all, Type 8s need to appear strong to others. They feel their best when they’re able to present a unified front to the outside world without any flaws or falters. This means 8s can shy away from vulnerability, weakness, or admitting insecurity. They’re big on “faking it till you make it,” and can have a hard time admitting that they need help or don’t understand something.
Insecurities
As much as 8s will show up to champion for others, they also have a strong fear of being controlled or manipulated. This hatred of being controlled combined with their tendency to shoot from the hip can put an 8’s loved ones unwittingly in their crosshairs. An 8 will see no problem “firing back” if they perceive an attempt to control them even if this wasn’t the other person’s intention. When you’re bringing something to an 8’s attention, it’s important to emphasize that you’re not trying to change them, just show them how their actions make you feel.
Potential Sources of Conflict
Enneagram 8s don’t have the negative perception of conflict that most people do; because of this, it’s easy for them to hurt some feelings without even realizing it. 8s tend to be the loudest voices in the room; it doesn’t always occur to them that this means they’re speaking over someone else. 8s pride themselves on being direct and honest when they have a problem with someone, and they expect others to do the same. 8s won’t do a lot of work to figure out if someone’s being passive aggressive; they assume if you have an issue with them, you’ll approach them directly.
Type 9: The Mediator
Type 9s have the same chameleon-like tendencies that Type 3s have, with one major difference. While 3s observe others to find the best way to stand out, all 9s will always try to find common ground. Deeply empathic, easy-going and understanding, 9s will often find themselves being asked to lend neutral advice or mediate a conflict. Type 9s are peacekeepers above all else and will do whatever it takes to maintain harmony in their relationships and social circles, even if it costs them greatly.
Enneagram Type 9 Needs
There’s a quote I heard once about Type 9s: that they feel more like environments than people. While I see what it means, this quote always breaks my heart when I think about the 9s in my own life. At their core, a 9 just wants to keep the peace; they’re extremely talented at finding common ground with others and making people feel safe and heard. To accomplish this often involves grinding down, blurring out or obscuring any part of their identity that could invite conflict from others. While this helps them get along with people, it can mean that almost nobody really knows them, and sometimes this even includes themselves. Because 9s are so used to shifting their personalities to fit the people they’re interacting with, they can sometimes lose track of large parts of themselves or even believe those parts aren’t important. Type 9s crave peace above all, and if this means becoming as vague as possible then many 9s see it as a fair trade.
Insecurities
Because 9s are so good at finding common ground with everyone, sometimes it can feel like everyone has a claim on them. Because of this, 9s either end up forgetting parts of themselves or are fiercely defensive of their core identities. A 9 might rankle at someone who tries to get past the layer they share with the outside world because it can feel like they’ve already given so much and want to protect what they have left. On the other hand, a 9 might genuinely not know themselves very well because they’re so used to being whatever others need them to be and can be left believing their own identity isn’t that important.
Potential Sources of Conflict
A 9’s fear of conflict can prevent them from setting boundaries, which can be dangerous. For 9s, accommodation is second nature and it can be easy to hurt a 9 or drain their energy without ever realizing it. If a 9 has a problem with you, you might not ever know until it’s too late. They might equivocate about a hurt or need, leaving enough room to deny everything if it looks like it’ll lead to disruption. Being proactive with 9s is always key if you’re close to one. Repeatedly asking about their needs, boundaries and desires is a good way to help them start identifying these things, and creating a safe, stable space for them to share will help them learn to stop hiding their true feelings. It takes a lot of energy to be a Peacekeeper, so it’s always helpful to ask a 9 before you unload a problem or a frustration on them. They may seem fine to you, but underneath they could be getting drained.
Each number on the Enneagram has a wealth of depth: wants, needs, fears, and quirks that you could spend a lifetime learning about. The truest lesson of the Enneagram is that we all have different drives, perspectives and inner worlds, but that doesn’t mean we can’t understand where someone else is coming from. I hope this Enneagram relationship guide has helped you learn something new about someone close to you or even about yourself; empathy and self-awareness are two of the most important skills a person can have.
If you’re interested in learning more about the Enneagram, click here for our roundup of the best Enneagram books for newcomers and experts alike.
As our dining options have been limited in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, we’ve found ourselves having to choose between cooking and takeout more often than ever before. For me, cooking often requires energy, especially when I know prep is going to take a long time. So many of us want to make the healthier, often less expensive choice of cooking at home, but sometimes we just face too many obstacles between shopping, setup and cleaning afterwards. Sometimes a few items can transform your entire experience, making cooking an act of self-care that’s not only easy and nourishing but fun as well. These innovative and unique kitchen gadgets might make you look at cooking a bit differently; one of these products might transform your cooking process from a chore to a treat overnight.
If saving leftovers has become an ordeal because of an unruly stack of Tupperware, these reusable silicone lids might be the perfect solution. Taking the place of Saran wrap, Ziploc bags and other containers, these earth-friendly lids can stretch to fit around a variety of containers.
This unique gadget can help declutter your kitchen and leave you with one less dish to clean! The combination strainer and cutting board fits over your sink to save space and cut down on mess.
It’s always a drag when cleanup involves wrestling a mop or broom out of the closet. These easy grippers will keep your Swiffers separate and accessible whenever you need them, saving you from getting overwhelmed by your cluttered broom closet.
Who says something can’t be convenient and cute at the same time? This set of nesting measuring cups isn’t just a space saver but a cute new kitchen companion as well.
Have you been trying to save counter space and keep your kitchen from getting cluttered? This tidy drying rack is there when you need it and can be easily stored when you don’t, leaving one less thing on your counters.
Pasta is a great staple for many meals, but it can come with a lot of mess and dirty dishes. If you ever want to make pasta without all the setup, this unique kitchen gadget will make ready-to-strain and serve pasta in the microwave. The whole process only takes 15 minutes and will save you valuable time and energy as you make yourself a meal.
If you’ve ever struggled to pull the right spatula or spoon out of your overcrowded drawer or cluttered Lazy Susan, this set of stacking utensils is sure to make your life (and your cooking process) simpler, easier and more enjoyable.
Whether you buy in bulk and need more room or are just tired of your dry foods going stale, this storage and dispenser is a unique gadget that will keep your kitchen running smoothly! You can use it to store whatever you seem to run out of the most: cereal, oatmeal, baking supplies or even dog food will stay fresh and accessible whenever you need it.
Cooking meals for yourself can be such a crucial act of self care, an investment in nourishing your body and your mind. Now more than ever we are aware of the energy it takes to do even small things; why not make a choice to make this one action easier than ever?
There are so many facets that make up a healthy, happy life, and I believe a few choices can compound for greater wellness. If you’re looking for more ways to organize and streamline your home, you can find our suggestions for home organization here. To make the process of eating healthy even easier, you can click here to read our guide to smoothie supplements that can supercharge your diet. I hope a few of these pieces can help make daily life easier, giving you more time and energy for the things that truly matter,
As many of us spend more hours working from home and dealing with increased stress, we may be experiencing discomfort or pain due to new living or working arrangements. Chances are, your shoulders have gotten tighter as we spend more time sitting and looking at laptops and phones. If you’ve been suffering from headaches or pain in your neck or back, postural issues are probably a major factor. Today I’m going to walk you through four shoulder exercises for women to open up your back and alleviate some of those symptoms.
1. Standing Chair/Wall Pose
This is a great shoulder exercise for women if you’ve been spending more time sitting down or looking at your phone or computer. It helps release the front of your shoulders, taking stress off of your upper back and neck. Start by placing both your hands on a chair or a wall so they form a 90- degree angle to your body. Walk your feet back until your arms are straight and then bow, hinging forward at the hips. Keep your shoulder blades set back and be sure to avoid scrunching your shoulders around your neck.
2. Reverse Prayer Pose
If you experience a lot of neck and back pain as a woman, this shoulder exercise can help get rid of some of that tension. Start by bringing both your hands up behind your back. Rotating your shoulder heads back try bring your fists together to touch. This will help open the front of your shoulders which tend to round out due to prolonged sitting and/or cell phone use. To make this stretch easier, rotate should heads back and bring your hands behind your back. Grab your left elbow with right hand and right elbow with left hand. For variety, this pose can be done with fists or elbows.
3. Standing Overhead Resisted Stretch
This women’s shoulder exercise is great for increasing blood flow in the shoulders and upper back and helping the shoulders to relax, which can alleviate headaches, neck pain and upper back pain. Begin this stretch by grabbing a towel or stretching strap. Hold the strap in front of your body, slightly wider than your shoulders. Slowly bring the strap over your head applying pressure in opposite direction with both hands. Bring the strap slightly behind your head and hold, allowing for blood flow in the shoulders.
4. Child’s Pose
Child’s pose is an awesome stretch because it helps to stretch the hips, thighs, shoulders, neck and upper/lower back. This pose centers and soothes the brain, making it a therapeutic posture for relieving stress and can help relieve back and neck pain. This is a shoulder exercise for women that can bring alignment both inside and out.
You can find more of Michelle’s work on her website and on Instagram.
This story was originally published on June 12, 2020, and was updated on November 3rd 2020.
From the very beginning, Shawna Christian has cared about plants. This past month Shawna Christian celebrated the one-year anniversary of opening her shop, Tansy, a bright, airy storefront in Burbank, CA bursting with gorgeous plants, eclectic decor, personality and warmth. Shawna’s journey with plants started ten years ago when she started renovating her house and backyard. “It was this ten year journey for finding stuff for my home from all around the world and making it bright and colorful, and creating this backyard that turned into a garden of Eden.”
Shawna realized that she couldn’t wait to spend every spare moment in her yard tending to her plants. She started realizing that she could stay out in her garden for up to eight hours without having a single conscious thought. “It was like my version of meditation,” she says. “When I decided to open up a shop I wanted to bring what I was experiencing in my own home and garden to a place where people could come and start their own journey with their own homes and their own plants. I found such joy and peace with it.”
I talked to Shawna about some of the common mistakes people make when they start cultivating their green thumb, and advice she has for beginners.
“I think the biggest issue for most people is not understanding the type of plant they want,” Shawna says. “People will walk in and they’ll gravitate towards the really cool looking one or the one with a lot of colors.” A lot of times, she says, new plant owners get ambitions beyond their abilities, and overextend themselves. “Buying difficult plants is not the way to start, because you’ll kill it, you’ll get disappointed and you won’t want to do it again.” Shawna recommends starting with easier plants to get into the rhythm of attentiveness before moving on to plants that can’t survive being forgotten about or ignored.
For beginners, Shawna has a few starter plant recommendations. She says a ZZ plant, or Zamioculas plant, is a great place to start. “They’re stunning plants, and some of the easiest plants to take care of.” They’re a great plant for lower light environments, which can be ideal for people who live in houses or apartments without a lot of natural light. “Not everybody has these big windows with all the sunlight coming into their home. Most people live in apartments or places where there’s only specific pockets of light, but they want to be able to put plants everywhere.” She says that basically the only thing a ZZ can’t handle is direct sunlight, because it can burn. “You can stick it in a closet for a month and it won’t die.” ZZ plants are also able to store water in their root systems for months, meaning that they only need to be watered about seven times a year. “They’re just the easiest plants in the world and honestly they’re beautiful.”
Another low-maintenance staple is the Sansiveria, also known as the snake plant or the mother-in-law tongue. Another low-light plant, the Sansiveria also needs only occasional watering, around seven times a year. “Both of these plants can be ignored,” Shawna says. “As a first time plant owner it’s really easy to forget you have to take care of a plant. You’ll go a month and a half and realize you didn’t water it. Both of these plants are easier than sin. You don’t have to do much to keep these plants beautiful and luscious.”
When you’re new to plant care, it can be easy to overwater or give them too much exposure to light in an effort to make sure they get enough. “For the most part people tend to overwater because they don’t know what the plant needs,” Shawna says. It’s particularly easy to overwater plants if they’re in pots without draining holes, because the roots can end up sitting in excess water they don’t need.
Shawna says it’s easy to understand what your plants are telling you if you know what to look for. “On average if you get plants that have yellow stems, yellow leaves, and are a little bit squishy to the touch, that’s overwatering. If you get brown leaves or droopiness, that tends to be under-watering or too much sun.”
One thing that first-time plant parents tend to misunderstand is that there’s a difference between caring for indoor and outdoor plants, specifically when it comes to the amount of light they need. A lot of indoor plants are shade plants, meaning they’re only ever meant to get partial sunlight. Yes, Shawna says, “they do need a little more constant light if they don’t have that outdoor piece, but any light through a window is magnified.” Morning to 2pm light is especially brutal, she says. “It’s like an ant in a magnifying glass. If that’s the kind of light they want, then they probably want to be outside.” Parking your new houseplant on a windowsill that gets direct sun might seem like the perfect choice, but chances are it’ll give your plant more light than it can handle.
3. Talking To Your Plants Really Can Help.
“They’ve done scientific research that says your plants will thrive better if you talk to them. It’s the weirdest thing,” Shawna says. “There’s a whole science with plants. They obviously don’t have mouths, they can’t speak, they can’t smell, but they have a nervous system.”
She says plants are a lot more responsive to their environments than people might think. For instance, a plant will grow better if it’s in a planter surrounded by others of its same kind as opposed to plants of different species. “Even though they are somewhat of an inanimate object, there’s something really magical about them.”
4. Growing A New Plant From A Succulent Cutting Is Easier Than You Think.
Many plants can propagated somewhat easily from cuttings, but succulents in particular need almost no help to regenerate. Succulents are draught tolerant plants that need little care, and when pieces of a succulent are disconnected from their life force they quickly start looking for a place to root. Shawna says that when a piece falls off of a succulent, or if you get a cutting from one, the first step is just to leave it alone. “Don’t water it, don’t put it on a wet paper towel. Just walk away. Within two to three weeks you will start to see a root pushing up from that cutting, looking for a place to root. You can literally turn around, plant it and start a whole new plant. Succulents are really specific; there aren’t a lot of plants you can do that with.” She says Tansy has a trough outside full of succulent pieces that have started to root after falling off of various plants.
5. Do Your Research.
Shawna’s biggest piece of advice for new plant owners is just to make sure they understand a plant’s needs or maintenance level before investing in one. “When you’re a new plant owner just start easy. Don’t go and buy the rare hard-to-find plant. There’s a plant craze now. People are buying plants left and right and will get too many plants and they can’t take care of them. Each one has its own personality, its own water and light system. My advice is to go slow and do your research.”
This story was originally published on July 3, 2020, and was updated on November 3, 2020.
