“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
Kahlil Gibran
Let’s talk about art and suffering. The archetype of the tortured artist has probably existed for as long as art itself. The idea that a person’s pain accelerates their artistic potential, or makes their art more significant, is one that seems to persist in creative communities. In some contexts, this could be taken to mean that broken hearts are the ones with more to say, with deeper truths to communicate or a sharper perspective on the depths of life. In more toxic places, though, this could mean pain being seen as a qualifier, a gatekeeper that has to be crossed in order to become a true artist. The suffering artist mentality leads to a comparison between hardships and close scrutiny of the quality and quantity of people’s pain. Does the amount of hardships you face determine how real an artist you are, or the importance of what you have to say?
I grew up in a household where there was a lot of trauma and therefore, I experienced my fair share of pain and struggle. We ALL experience pain, but I believe the amount we are given is the right amount to help us towards our ultimate happiness. I have been given many gifts of struggle and pain. I’ve experienced family trauma, deaths in my family, heart breaks and heart aches. I’ve experienced abuse, both mental and physical and I, like many others was the target of sexual misconduct in many forms. I was a caregiver to both my parents at times during their cancer journeys, I had a fiancé who tried to commit suicide, I had a friend who tragically actually did commit suicide. And I was diagnosed with chronic illness in my forties after years of struggling in pain and confusion from the lack of diagnosis. I’ve lost many loving and innocent animal companions along the way. And at one point, I found out I couldn’t have children because of a medical condition I have. So, as you can see, it’s been quite a journey. But it is a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Along my own journey, I have also met others who have also survived things I can’t even imagine, endured hardships that when listening to their stories, bring tears to my eyes. I have been honored to hear their stories and be inspired by their courage and strength amidst their hardships. This is the human condition. Life is this beautiful experience that gives us character and helps us make choices towards our own happiness and the journey is a life long one and often filled with struggle. But that is not a bad thing ultimately.
We all go through experiences that tear us up, that break us, that hold us back or put us on the ground. All of us face pain, both seen and unseen, that is specific to us. Nobody is ever qualified to judge or measure another person’s suffering. The struggles we go through can widen our perspective, bring us empathy for others and deepen our knowledge about ourselves, but it would be a mistake to assume that pain is any sort of final, immovable state for us.
Let’s look at that quote again. “The most massive characters are seared with scars.”
Gibran doesn’t say the most massive characters are seared with wounds. The body produces scars from healing, from patching up that which has been damaged with brand new tissue. Over time it puts itself back together again, a bit different than before, but together nonetheless. A new normal.
It’s not that pain doesn’t have meaning to us. Of course it does. But there is also meaning in the time we spend and the actions we take in the pain that ultimately lead to healing. There is beauty and strength in the act of taking that suffering and moving past it or moving in spite of it, building something out of it and over it. There is a gift in everything. The scar is the gift of healing, the reminder of trials we’ve overcome and lessons we’ve learned. Healing is a type of growth after all.
Nobody who lives any sort of life can expect to escape completely uninjured. There will be aches that each of us faces; pain in our lives is as inevitable as the sunrise. Each of us will be scarred in some way or another- we can let those scars define us and be all we are, or we can let them exist as reminders that serve a greater purpose. As we move through life older, wiser, and more worn we can also hope to grow more thoughtful, compassionate, and self aware. A scar can be an opportunity to connect with others who have been through the same fights as you, a reminder to support someone whose wounds are a little fresher, or a call to reach out and meet those whose greatest hurts are still ahead of them.
Pain is a part of life, but so is healing. The universe holds room for both because both are important. There is value in pain for what it teaches us, but there is value also in rebuilding. If we value the archetype of the tortured artist can we not also lift up artists striving for healing, strength and recovery who fill their work with the effort and bravery of the process?
What would it mean to be able to hold our hurts a little looser, see their value as a part in our life but use it to build something beyond it? What would it mean to see our scars not as reminders of past failures, betrayals or low points but as proof of what we’ve overcome?
We’re already a month and a half into 2020, and I can’t believe how fast things are moving. I’m currently working on getting a new project up and running with a new partner, and it’s a lot of work. It feels like I never get enough rest. To create something from nothing requires a lot of energy, but that’s part of the price I have to pay to write my own next chapter.
I know that I am not alone in struggling to balance a jam-packed schedule. Keeping up with our responsibilities can be seriously overwhelming. And now that so many of us have our work emails on our phones, there is no longer a clear boundary between where work ends and our personal lives begin. It pressures us to do more because we’re constantly available and able to be reached. That’s why this week, I thought I’d write about “busy-ness.”
We are all so busy. It’s one of the ways we measure our worth as a society. Being busy implies that we are valued, needed, and in demand. People use it as an excuse for pretty much anything — we’re too busy to date, too busy to sleep, too busy to see our friends. I know I use it. I’m too busy. I’m way too busy to keep up with my own life at times. And with another early morning ahead of me tomorrow, I can’t help but ask: is busy better?
On one hand, busyness can increase our motivation and make us more efficient. It forces us to create a schedule, stay organized, and manage our time to accommodate all the things we need to get done. By challenging us to do more and to work faster, being busy helps us build the discipline we need to take control of our habits and choices.
Busyness can also improve our mood. Study after study shows that people who keep busy are more likely to be happy than those who don’t. With each task we cross off our to-do list, we naturally feel a sense of accomplishment that can boost our self-esteem. Taking charge of our lives makes us feel like we’re in control — and anything that increases our perception of control can reduce our stress levels.
However, there’s a fine line between having a lot to do and being frantic and overwhelmed. Being too busy detracts from our performance as workers and as people. When we’re so busy that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves, we become anxious, moody, and disconnected. We start reacting to stressful situations instead of responding to them, and as a result, we’re more likely to make mistakes. Overworking and overstraining ourselves makes us less present and less focused, which brings me to my next point:
Being busy and being productive are not always the same thing. Being so busy that we feel uncomfortable signals that we’re either doing too much, or we aren’t doing the things we’re doing as well as we could be. To be productive is to be selective with our time and energy (instead of feeling insecure about doing nothing). Productive work is focused and driven by intention — it’s about quality over quantity. Identifying what needs to be done versus what should be done allows us to take the time to do what needs to be done well. Why work harder when we can work smarter?
Ultimately, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being busy — in fact, there are a lot of benefits to it. At the same time, being too busy and risking burn out is unsustainable and unnecessary. I think the key is to prioritize ourselves the same way we prioritize our to-do lists. Whether that means taking a few days off when we need to, ignoring that work email sent at 10pm, or simply being more methodical with our time, it’s important to find a balance that feels comfortable to us. When we recognize that our time has value, we focus our energy more effectively and stop trying so hard to please other people. We all need to fulfill our responsibilities and obligations, but we also need to take care of ourselves.
I will leave you with this.
If you are busy each day working towards something you love which could be a dream of your own, or because working and providing a good life for your family makes your heart sing, this is good”busy-ness”. It is satisfying. If you are busy and feeling like you are heading into an abyss of dissatisfaction, or constantly feel run down and depressed about your life, then it may be time to take inventory. Remember, anything is changeable, adjustable, and evolvable. You are not stuck anywhere. The first step is to look at your life, and remember that you were put here for purpose. If you feel lost, it’s often because you haven’t found your purpose, or you are not following it. Maybe take a moment today and write down some of the things you love to do whether it’s sing, write, see movies, go to museums, be with children, care for those in need, make clothing, or cook healthy meals for your loved ones, and incorporate more of those things into your life. Because when you are busy doing what you love, life will feel better.
When I was young, I had a condition that made it difficult for me to speak in a normal register. I would often speak in either a high pitched tone or a low, frog-like voice, and it took time for me to learn how to adjust the way that I spoke so that others could understand. Having to work to be understood granted me a lot of the empathy and compassion I carry with me today; struggling to find my own voice afforded me a deep connection to others with the same struggle. I think this is why I have such a strong bond with animals— our relationships with animals show that there are forms of understanding that are deeper than speech.
I grew up on a wildlife preserve and I still remember the nights I spent on my roof underneath the stars in the company of my family’s two cats. I found them to be such a comfortable presence; we had a gentle understanding that didn’t need words. My connection with them taught me that communication can exist in terms far broader than we sometimes think. This is a lesson I carried with me as I began dancing, and studied movement as communication in college: that our interactions are about so much more than tone and syntax, that sensing and awareness are both fundamental to true understanding. That I could form connections with others that had nothing to do with spoken words.
My journey as a young dancer was one of self-discovery. Much like I had learned to calibrate my vocal tone over time, I started to explore channels of expression in movement and sense. I learned to gain a deeper sense for everything around me and make choices about how I wanted to interact with the world. At the same time I had to learn balance and strength, to hold onto my new voice even when I faced opposition. Being a woman in the entertainment business taught me that I had to believe in myself and nurture my own voice, honor my values and convictions even when it was challenging. That my voice has been tested again and again only makes it so much stronger and more precious to me, and encourages me to continue to exercise it.
Once we start building a voice for ourselves, there’s a dance to learning how to use it. We start to reflect on what we want to say and how we want to say it. We learn that unique frequency that belongs only to us and start to see the beauty and importance in that, and just as importantly, we learn to shape and refine it. It’s taken time to learn that not everything needs to be said, that I can choose to hold some thoughts in not from fear or low esteem but because some thoughts are just for me.
Over the past years I’ve been blessed with a platform, an outlet that amplifies my voice and connects me to people who will listen to it. With this increased visibility comes an increase in responsibility. I now have more of a voice than that little girl in Honolulu ever dreamed possible, but that also means that how I use that voice has become so much more crucial, and that the words I choose require immense care.
I’ve been fortunate to find so many connections with people all over the country, all over the world, who recognize a part of themselves in the stories I tell and want to share a bit of themselves with me. This is the heart of the Carrie Ann Conversations. I share my experiences, even the more challenging ones, with the world, hoping that it helps someone out there feel less alone and access a truth beyond what they’re able to see right now. It’s a way to use my voice and be honest about what I’ve been through, both the good and the bad, in the hopes that it will make it easier for others to do the same.
I think it’s also important to acknowledge that finding our voices is a constant process. We experience new things every day, all of us are constantly growing and shifting, and as we transform, our truth transforms along with us. That’s why there’s such value in continuing the conversation, across months and years and decades, helping us gain a broader perspective on the truths that guide us.
Be both gentle and bold with your voice, and use them accordingly. And listen to your heart, for she will never fail you.
I grew up around it. My father had a temper. He was not taller than 5′ 7″ but when he raged, those numbers meant nothing and he was a giant. His nickname was “Hot Rod” simply because he ran hot and he liked fast cars. When he was angry, he was a tumultuous storm of dark and uncontrollable energy. I remember thinking that when he was enraged, he was similar to a dog that was frothing at the mouth….ready to attack and eat you alive. And it was scary.
I remember being afraid when I could hear my parents arguing. My bed was up against the common wall that my parent’s bedroom and I shared. I could hear his stomping around the room as he yelled and swore… Eventually, he’d stomp right out of the room and out the front door slamming it on his way out. I also remember the peaceful and yet somehow strange stillness that followed those dramatic exits.
When my father got angry, he got this look in his eyes. It was a look that said, there is no way anyone can win this against me. I am blind to what’s in front of me. I only can see what I want and I will have it. In those moments, it was best to just step out of the way.
One evening when I was about 12 years old, my father caught a mouse. We lived on the edge of a wildlife sanctuary, and there were a lot of critters around our house, geckos, centipedes, mongoose, and rats and mice come with the territory. I think a mouse was eating some of his fishing gear in the garage and he was upset…very upset. dsAnd he was also drunk that night. I should also say here that my father was an animal lover. We always had dogs and cats and he loved them all very much. I think I inherited his love for animals. But this night, he was in a rage and he had caught this mouse in a little red fishing net. And he was so mad at this little creature that he was going to set it on fire and burn it alive. He was pouring butane lighter fluid on it and was about to set it on fire. I was horrified, petrified for the pain that this little innocent animal was going to experience…and I could NOT allow him to hurt this little being. He was screaming at it and I was screaming at him to stop and he was screaming at me not to touch the mouse… and somehow out of nowhere, I tapped into this energy – this anger, this powerful cou-rage despite how extremely scared I was. I was somehow able to run-up to the mouse and let him go before my Dad could light the match. I was sure my dad was going to kill me… I was terrified, but I had to save this innocent creature, and my need to save the creature was greater than my need to survive that night as a young pre-teen girl. I don’t know what came over me, but I stood up to my father and his rage, and I stopped him with my cou-rage and let that mouse go. I tapped into something that night made my father’s rage stop in its tracks. I found my own rage. And she was powerful. My twelve-year-old rage was able to stop his rage in his tracks. And she saved the life of that little creature. I noticed this.
My father never hit me. He was not physically violent with me. But he was certainly energetically violent and the threat of those outbursts created a very tense home life for all of us. Despite our family’s exterior appearance of being a happy family. But when I learned that I could stop that violent energy with my own rage, I learned a tool that was able to keep me safe. I also learned that I, and I alone, could stand up to my father when no one else could and I could stop him. But it only happened if I tapped into my rage. It’s like I could speak his language. And in some strange way, it eventually became like a bond that felt like love.
When I was older, I got sick and had to have a pretty serious surgery. I was about 33 or so. Both my mom and my dad flew in from Hawaii and came out to see me. Even my brother came. I had just come home from the surgery and was very out of it and in a lot of pain, and there was an outburst of sorts and my dad got enraged. And even at that moment where they were supposed to be there to help me, I had to find my strength and courage and specifically my rage to put him in his place. I remember channeling that force, that energy, steadying myself for the outburst that was to come. It came, and it was a force.. it was quieter but just as powerful in energy. I remember I was seeing red. I was in excruciating pain which made the rage stronger…which in turn made him stop acting out. And much to my surprise, after our interaction, he actually stopped, left, and then later returned and apologized to me. It was a shock to all of us. My father never apologized. Even my mom told me she was shocked that he apologized and that he had never apologized to her. But my rage was stronger than his, and it stopped the storm and made us all safe in those moments. I learned something again.
What I learned was that rage could stop things, and restore peace. When my rage came out, whether, in the form of courage or just plain rage, no one would get in my way. My rage was the only thing that could stop my dad. And it later became something that I could use to stop anything that was hurting me or putting me in harm’s way. People were afraid of my rage. It’s like she was my warrior spirit and she would take care of anything that hurt me. She was just what I needed to keep me safe. But recently I noticed that she was no longer working for me, but rather she was working against my own happiness.
My father passed away in 2013. He died in his sleep of a heart attack after surviving base of tongue cancer and colon cancer and a few heart attacks. I took care of him when he moved out to LA to have his treatments. It was an arduous road. Eventually, he moved back home, because he wanted to be there if he passed. And early one March morning in 2013, at 5:00, am I got a call from his caretakers… telling me he had passed in his sleep.
It hurt.
A lot.
The relationship I had with my father was complicated but was also full of love…and I will share more in a future blog post. I learned a lot about life from my father. He was such a strong force in my life and in many ways, I am that apple that didn’t fall far from the tree. In fact, I might have rolled back closer to the tree as I got older. I definitely got his rage, whether I wanted it or not.
So, cut to 2020 and I’m looking at my life with a magnifying glass. I’m healing the parts that need to heal. I’ve started my blog, my podcast ( which will release soon so stay tuned in) and I’m working on a book. I’m not in a serious relationship and spending a lot of time with myself. I also have incredible friends who are helping me process the pieces of my beautiful and unique life. And, I’m looking at what no longer serves me. Rage is one of those things. I’ve finally realized that this rage I needed in order to be my father’s daughter, to earn his respect and love, the rage that kept me safe and alive is no longer needed in my adult life. And now, it hurts me instead of helps me. I actually woke up one day and realized, the time for rage had come to a close. I‘m sure it sounds strange to say that it just ended. But it did.
I have learned other ways to handle situations, I have found better ways to keep myself safe in this world, that doesn’t require me to tap into a rage. I‘ve learned I can set boundaries with people and situations that feel dangerous. I don’t have to interact with other people’s anger. I can respectfully decline things that aren’t for me. I can lovingly walk away from people and situations that hurt me. I can share my emotions with compassion and love and peace at the forefront and allow my vulnerability and truth to always be at the heart of how I interact Without the constant fear of being hurt. And, if the person I’m interacting with gets heated, (those who were raised around rage, usually attract it in partners) I can end the interaction with a calm determination because I am now a fully formed adult who has the capabilities to take care of herself. I’m no longer that child who had no way to stand up to an adult. And, the most important part is – I trust that now. I trust myself now. So rage no longer needs to be my protector. I am my own protector. And when I say that, I mean ”I” with all the skills and tools I have learned through my journey of healing.
All these years, I was using rage to protect myself in this crazy business and to protect those I cared for. But putting out that kind intense energy as a protective field when I sensed danger, (real or just perceived) came at a cost. It depleted me. It also isolated me. After rage happens and I don’t mean violence, I just mean the energy and emotion of rage, there is a party called shame. And shame is unhealthy to have as well. Sure, we get what we want, people often give in to someone who is enraged. But it’s not worth all that comes with it.
The truth for me is that my own rage has helped me get to where I am in my lifr. I used the powerful emotion of rage to keep me going…you see when you use it on yourself, it becomes a fierce determination. It becomes a NO QUIT attitude, it becomes life or death that you will find your way to what you want, no matter the pain. And so you succeed because with that fight or flight intensity…. you will of course survive. I believe that’s what appears to be the good side of rage…you could call it as a form of courage. But even then, when you exist in fight or flight at all times, you deplete your life force – especially if you continuously use it on things that are not actually life threatening.
So, I have finally realized that rage no longer serves my life. She has been a dear friend and a protector when no one else was there for me. She has been a motivator to keep going when most would stop. She has given me strength beyond what I should have Had. And I am so grateful. But now as a 52-year-old adult, I have learned other ways to protect myself and my heart, and pursue my dreams. So, at 52, I would like to say thank you to my rage. Thank you for keeping me safe, for earning my father’s love, for protecting my fragile heart, for helping me towards my dreams. But it’s time for you to retire into a beautiful place and let go of your grip on me. I’m in control now of how I will react to things. I will use other ways to pave my path. I will allow the path to unfold as I create healthy boundaries that do not require rage to keep people a safe distance from me. I will flow with the events of my life and not fight them. I will learn to use my voice, my love, my compassion, and empathy instead. I have already begun the journey of life without rage, and It has been a long journey to let go of this once invaluable part of myself. And I look forward to how my life will unfold now.
I envision my rage now as a wild and powerful goddess. She’s a warrior with bloodied shields and matted dark hair, and stained body armor. And I see her now, finally getting of her wild horse, near a quiet stream. She slowly removes her armor and puts down her shield and swords… she kneels beside the river and washes away the blood of years of battle. She steps into the water, after removing all her cloaks and well used and duty armor and bathes away all the years of pain and fatigue. When she emerges from the waters, darker and muddier after her presence, she is made anew, a body without any wounds… and her skin glistens in all it’s beautiful femininity and vulnerability. She gently takes her tools of war and drys them off and puts them under a tree. She takes one last look at them, then slowly turns the other way, bare skin, completely nude and soaks in the sun and breathes in her new peaceful life as a peaceful goddess…a hint of a smile upon her lips as her eyes close and she lifts her chin ever so slightly towards the sun and walks away.
Have a beautiful day and thank you for sharing your time with me today, here at Carrie Ann Conversations.
I have an invisible illness. Actually I have a few.
Whether you believe it or not is of no concern of mine.
How you choose to interact with me is your business.
How I react or respond to you, is mine.
And remember, while I may be sick, I am not weak.
I am a courageous and compassionate warrior.
And everyday, I go to battle
Fighting a war you could never understand.
Carrie Ann Inaba “The Invisible Warrior”
Having autoimmune syndromes like Sjögren’s Syndrome or Fibromaylgia, or Lupus, or invisible illnesses like Iron Deficiency Anemia, Depression or Anxiety, does not make for an easy life. Let’s just get that out of the way. It’s hard enough to function in life without the added chronic fatigue, confusion, pain, discomfort and the daily inconveniences of the dry eyes, joint pain, difficulty swallowing, the reactions to the sun, and the sudden flooring exhaustion.
Not to mention there are also the effects of medications, whether it be swelling or weight gain or loss… or just the fear of what it might be doing to your system in the long run.
They say that life is a bowl of cherries. But when you have autoimmune conditions, it becomes a universe of never ending challenges. However, according to the eastern philosophy of yin and yang, for every negative in life, there exists a positive and for every moment of darkness, there is light. And the more we can focus on the light, we will live in the light. But it takes effort, determination, and courage to bask in that light and find the gifts.
The biggest gift of having autoimmune or any invisible health issues is that because of the strange and never ending rollercoaster of challenges that arise with each day, and the lack of understanding that often comes with these strange symptoms, from those around us, we feel isolated in our struggle. I know that doesn’t sound like a positive, but in that isolation, we become the ONLY true expert. We are the only one going through this struggle, the only one that can determine our pain level, and what works and what doesn’t. The doctors are for information. But decisions are our own. Feeling the relief and the discomfort are ours to experience alone. And we have to find ways to stand strong and become our own best advocate for our own health. We become the expert on ourselves and we become the cheerleading team of one for our own healing. We also become our most compassionate nurse. And that comes from the fact that we are the only ones experiencing our reality and to get through it, we have to become the hero of our own life. So that’s one of the best gifts that invisible illness has given me. The opportunity to recognize with clarity that I am the hero of my own life.
For years I tried to fight the fatigue, I tried to push through the pain, and I tried to ignore the discomfort. But eventually it becomes to much to ignore. And the reality is it can be debilitating. And in my journey, I had to make peace with that.
I had to surrender to my health and I had to let it “win”. Which at first made me feel like I had lost. And that was painful. I had never thought of myself as a loser. I was a winner, I worked hard and I fought for what I believed in and I usually always found a way. But that changed with the autoimmune conditions. I couldn’t “win” my battles with the pain or fatigue or any other part of it. So I surrendered. I decided to see myself as a “sick person” a person with limitations. It was a full redefinition of myself and how I interacted with the world. I allowed myself to have all my emotions about it as well. I was mad. I was sad. I was angry and frustrated. I felt sorry for myself. But mostly, I was scared. I was frightened for my future and what would happen to my independence and career.
With the acceptance of my diagnosis, I started to live my life in ways to avoid causing any flare ups or panic attacks. Life became more of an avoiding of life than an actual life. And my life became very small.
I lived like that for years. Afraid, and avoiding the things that could cause me pain and more pain. Which also meant I was avoiding life. I had to choose carefully what I wanted to do because any exertion or excitement would come at a price. If I did something on a Monday, I knew I’d be out of commission for a few days after that. I was extremely grateful that I had my job on Dancing with the Stars because it was something I could do even when I was really struggling with my health. The schedule worked for me and I have always been so extremely grateful for that. I know that some people lose their jobs when they get these conditions. I read about a woman who ran a huge corporation Like a BOSS. And who was reduced to barely being able to make coffee for herself with out needing to lay down.
These limitations really challenge your self esteem. In a world that praises “succeess” and being busy, “getting things done” not being able to do what you want, when you want to, destroys self confidence, especially for those Type A personality types. But as I said earlier, there are some gifts that come with that as well.
Once I recognized I had to let go of the image of being “able” and “strong” in the way I had been used to, I discovered new things about myself…And I learned how to actually accept myself in each moment as I was. And sometimes that meant I was broken, in pain, confused, struggling, weak, and all these words I didn’t like to associate with. However, I made peace with all of these aspects of myself. And I learned to accept all the different shades of myself. I am all of these things and the health challenges put a spotlight on many of these characteristics i didn’t want to accept and forced me to become friends with them. And for that I am grateful.
Becoming the hero of my own life.
Accepting the parts of myself I didn’t want to and making peace with all sides of me.
These have become two of the greatest gifts of my health journey. And for these gifts, I am grateful. And it is my wish for you to find them as well in your journey if you struggle with health issues like mine.
I want to also share a list of some practical things I have learned along the way for my fellow Invisible Warriors out there. I have received many requests for a list of the things I do to take care of myself. So I have started a list. This is the beginning of this list. i hope you find them helpful. Remember, i am not a doctor. And I’m not saying these will work for you. They are just what I found that worked for me. And I am sharing them with you to inspire you to find the choices that work for you. Each journey is unique.
I read every book and every article I could find about how these autoimmune conditions affect your life. I joined support groups and was studied the people who had already been down this path and had shared their stories. And I was and am still so grateful for the courage of those people who shared their stories. That is why I share mine because when I heard of how others had struggled through their own diagnosis and found their new normal, I felt so much less alone and not crazy.
• It took me a few years of constant experimenting and adjusting to find what worked for me….and I wanted to share some of the things that have helped me get to where I am now.
You must be the last and final word in all health care choices. Your doctors, and specialists will hopefully give you good advice, and guidance, but remember, a lot of these doctors do not have the conditions they treat so they treat from an outsiders point of view. YOU are the one that must live with the consequences. You must be proactive in your treatment. You are the expert on you.
• You should avoid pain. I was taught after caring for my Mom and Dad, through their cancer treatments, that it is important to not get into a pain cycle. Especially for those with autoimmune conditions. If we get into a pain cycle our whole system may go into a flare up snd we all know THAT is not good. My approach to pain was always to kill it swiftly. My Spinal Stenosis caused tremendous pain those first few years. I’d have to get tons of steroid shots into my back and neck and shoulders to keep me going. But if I felt pain rising, I would take the prescribed pain medication and muscle relaxer the night the pain started and lay down with proper alignment and usually the pain would be gone on the morning. And then I would no longer need the pain medication.
On occasions when I didn’t take anything and tried to brave the pain for a few days, it would always take longer to get out of the pain. So, my motto for pain was to honor it and get out of it as quick as possible. And by doing that, I was able to avoid the risk of addition to the painkillers becauseI didn’t have to take them for extended periods of time. This may not work for you and addiction is real so please be careful with any pain medication or any medications that could be habit forming.
• When brain fog hits, let people close to you know. They can help and then if you are being “strange” they will not be upset with you.
Schedule rest. I always use a month view calendar so I can see everything all at once. It allows me to know my high exertion days and my peaceful days at a glance, and plan rest before and after high energy /exertion days. I usually know I can’t do too many high stress, high exertion days in row. If I do, I know I’ll need a few more days when it’s over to recooperate and find my way back into balance.
• Do not alienate your friends. You will need them. And if they are your true friend, they will want to help you. You will also find out who your real friends are during this process and that too is a gift unto itself. Also, for the people who tell you how you should manage your health, remind yourself that they probably could not walk a day in your shoes and forgive them for their lack of understanding. They mean no harm, they just lack a certain understanding. As we ask for compassion from them, we must also give them compassion.
These are my basic survival tips for living with the autoimmune conditions.
The trickiest thing about these autoimmune conditions is that they come in pairs or groups… and they are often ambiguous and don’t show up the same way every time. So you have to be fluid in the way to handle your wellness approach. You also have to keep checking in with yourself, and stay in tune with happening. It’s a true work in progress. And that is yet another gift. You start to notice YOU. You start to understand how what you do today can affect how you feel tomorrow. You are no longer going to push yourself to the point of exhaustion. You will create healthier boundaries and you will know your body better than you ever have. And that is part of the gift of the autoimmune condition. You will pay attention to you and how the world affects you. Which will help you to create the best life possible.
There is so much more I will be writing on this topic, but I will end here today. Please share your comments below so that I may learn how some of you handle your health and wellness. Or, so I can see how you like the blogs I’m posting.
We all strive for balance. It’s a new buzz word and in order to live our “best life”, it is often suggested that we find it or create it. We are made to feel bad if we are not “balanced”. However, I think the thought of creating balance just adds one more thing in our lives on our to-do list, adding to the “imbalance” or stress. Today, I had this thought about balance, and I think that we are misunderstanding the concept. Maybe instead of striving for balance, it’s about accepting that life has its own way of balancing things for us. That balance is not a goal, but a naturally occurring flow that we all are experiencing at all times…that we actually constantly in the process of “balancing”.
Personally, I take a lot of time for myself. I am very quiet and I spend a lot of time alone, with my thoughts, my dreams, my philosophies, and my self. I enjoy this time alone. I am not lonely because I am with myself. And, I actually enjoy my own company. I also am on a daily talk show and every day at “The Talk”, I sit with my fellow co-hosts and we discuss and share our stories, thoughts, and perspectives. I enjoy that so much as well, but I have found that since January of this year, which is when I joined the panel officially and have been there consistently, I have been taking more time for my own solitude when I can. I protect it like a lioness protecting her cubs. Because that is my balance. I didn’t look at it from the outside, and say, oh, I’m spending this many hours being extroverted with my actions, and so, therefore, I must take this many hours to myself to be introverted to create my balance. I just noticed that I had a natural balance that felt right. And I allowed it to happen. I noticed my needs and I took care of them and ultimately my spirit and naturally, I found myself in balance. But it was a new balance, new homeostasis. And it seemed to happen on its own, without a lot of conscious effort on my part.
When I tune into myself, I can tell what I need. I think we all can. If I really listen to what my body and spirit need, it becomes very evident. There are times when I don’t get the luxury of spending enough time alone – and guess what happens. I get stressed out. And when I do, I make more of an effort to create space for myself in my week because that feels better for me. I try not to add to the stress I am already feeling by needing to create balance right then and there. I don’t label myself as out of balance, but know that I am in the process of balancing… This is balance even though, in the moment, it doesn’t look “balanced”. Like the scales, balance is fluid. The scales are not stuck in a perpetual state of “even-ness” or” levelness” – that is not balance. That is stagnation. After one side of the scale goes up, it comes down, as one part rises, the other part lowers. And all the while, it is in a constant state of balance, even if it is slightly or hugely uneven at any moment in time.
I think somewhere we are being sold on the idea that the goal of balance is to live a life like a scale that doesn’t move, that doesn’t flow, that we must be in perfection with both sides level and even at all times, that we must be “balanced”. This actually can cause more stress and more tension which I don’t think any of us need. What if balance as a concept is more about accepting the temporary nature of things, realizing we are in a constantly shifting state of “balanc-ing”. And that state balancing, of constantly shifting and adjusting and allowing is more about noticing ourselves and how we are feeling…less about trying to impose balance upon ourselves. It seems to me that balance is about noticing how life balances things out when we are heading one way or another. And remember that it’s already in balance when we have our down days or our up days – that both are part of the balance, both are necessary for the yin and yang. After the up days, there will certainly be down days, and after the down days, there will certainly be up days. And that is the balance that is always at work in our lives. That the up can only be noticed after the down and vice versa.
So today, let’s accept the balance that is already present in our lives instead of making it a goal. Let us notice where we are in the continuum of balance, and life, and how we are feeling at this moment. For much of the joy of life comes from noticing where we are, and truly being present for all that comes with this moment, and allowing our gratitude to flow, remembering that we are already in balance.
2020 is here! It’s January 2nd, 2020 and this year is coming at us quickly with lots of energy. Can you feel it? I certainly can. Not only is it a new year, but it’s also a new decade and I believe it’s going to be an important one. It’s a decade for change, evolution, growth, and love. It’s a time for true connection and a release of anything that is weighing us down or holding us back. It’s a time to heal the wounds of our souls and step into our fullest self. It’s a time to do the work so that we can live that life we have always felt we deserved to live. You know, that life that we see when we are sitting at our kitchen table, daydreaming while drinking our coffee or tea… that life we have glimpses of when we are taking a shower or a long hot bath, that life we dream of where we are vibrantly alive, doing the things we love – and loving the things we are doing with people we love and who love us as well.
Yes! Yes! That life…That’s what I want. That’s what we all want. But how do we get there?
Even though it feels possible in certain moments, in more moments it feels far away, almost impossible from where our feet are currently lodged in the sand. Or maybe for some of you, you feel close but can’t quite unlock that last door, or find your way through that last path… you feel great in most aspects of your life but not in all. Well, I’m not trying to say we can have a life that is without struggle 24 /7. But I am saying we can be living that life we dream of where we are at our fullest potential, if we are willing to do the work. But what is the work? This is the question of the decade.
For each one of us, the work will be different, but I want to share with you from a fellow human being who is also on her own journey, what I have learned and what I am still in the process of learning. Let me say that again, I am IN THE PROCESS OF LEARNING and DO NOT KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS. I can only share what I am learning with you in hopes that it will spark something in you that will help you find your own answers. Because we are in this together… and I stress the word together. Yet, we each must also do our own work within ourselves. And while that can make us feel alone it actually will bring us more connected to each other.
So, let’s get started:
One of the most important things we need to do on a consistent basis is to take what I call, “A Moment of Me.”
Take time for you. Everyday. Even if it is only for 5-15 minutes. You are the key to your own happiness. This means you need to be with you for a few minutes each day to check in and see how you are doing. You have to be your own best friend in this process of life. In this day and age with ever increasing demands on our time and more stimulus than we can handle, we need to stop and listen and check in with ourselves. No input from outside sources, no demands from outside sources. Just you and you. How else will we know what is going on inside of us? How will we know if we are hurting or happy? Scared or angry? At peace or in turmoil? If we keep moving, and just doing with out consciously knowing what is going on inside of us, we will probably just react to the things around us. And if we are only reacting to the world around us, then we are not creating anything and are certainly not creating that life we want.
There are many ways to take a Moment of Me. Meditation is one of the ways to do it. But, if you are not into meditation, try this…
Maybe while you have your morning coffee or tea, or even before that, or right before you go to bed, maybe you step outside onto your front porch, or in your back yard, or go back upstairs and sit by the window… and ask yourself, how are you doing? Say it out loud, “Hi Me.. just want to check-in and see how you are doing”. Continue with, “Is there anything i can do for you to make you feel better, safer, more loved? ” This is just an example, remember, this is about you and you have to find what works for you, these are just suggestions. Set a timer if you are on a tight schedule. Now, once you’ve asked yourself, this or set an intention for your Moment of Me, just be. Be with yourself, breathe and be open to your thoughts, let them pass, let your mind go blank, let your body relax… notice what is going on, notice the aches and pains from a body that works hard to get you through the day.. or notice the fatigue, or the nervousness, or just feel the love…and allow the messages to come through. You may find nothing really comes up or you may find you have been in need of a cry and you might find yourself tearing up. You may suddenly realize you are angry or upset about someone. Just observe… and send yourself some loving energy, or send the person you are upset with loving energy. You may just draw a blank… you may see and or feel nothing, but by pausing, you are healing yourself. Because you are giving yourself the gift of a moment with yourself and the gift of your own presence and attention are a gift that keeps on giving.
Other ways to take your moment would be to go for a walk, take a long bath, sit where you are and close your eyes. If you live in a house with a lot of people, maybe make a project day where you all make a pretty Do Not Disturb sign and you put it up, outside the bathroom and you can all use this sign when you need it, and you all honor when someone has the sign up. Remember, we all need time and space and we need to respect those boundaries in ourselves and each other.
To be honest, I fell off the Moment of Me bandwagon over the last few weeks with the holidays and my busy schedule. And it caused a lot of turmoil in my relationships with others. I started to react to things around me because I was unaware of what I was feeling inside. And those emotions started to run amok and create havoc. Like little children who want to be seen, who act out because they don’t know what else to do? Well, that’s what I was doing. So, I am with you in this journey. And this is also a gentle reminder for me to take my “Moment of Me” everyday.
So, for me what I am back doing is a 30-minute meditation. I have a few different ones I do but a friend of mine and an amazing healer friend of mine Eric Nies just shared with me a meditation he is doing and it feels right for me, so this is what I will be doing for my “Moment of Me’. And while i just started back up yesterday, already, I feel more grounded and aware, clearer with my boundaries. I am more aware of what is going on inside of me, and somehow, I feel more neutral. And that makes my day much better for me and those around me. ( I want to also share that for the past year I have been doing a Kriya yoga meditation that involved visualization of my chakras and that has also done really well for me as well so remember, how you take your “Moment of Me” can change as long as you stay consistent. Consistency is really the key here.
A daily practice of your “A Moment of Me” will go a long way. I promise. Take the next few days to find what works for you and create the space to implement this in your life. I promise I will do the same. Let’s all do the work to take care of ourselves and find our way to our fullest lives in 2020. I want this for you all and I want this for me. I want this for all of us so let’s do it together.
My next blog will have more on how to “do the work” to live our most fulfilling life. And thoughts on other things to help in ways that I can. I hope you will join me be a part of the Carrie Ann Conversations Community. I would appreciate your presence very much.
Please take moment to share your thoughts, questions and how you take your moment of me so we can work together to make our own and each others lives better.
Today I want to talk about getting out of your head and into that life you are creating for 2020. Last week’s blog talked about remembering to take” A Moment of Me” everyday. Making sure we take time to look inward and get in touch with ourselves whether it be through meditation, or just a short inner dialogue where we check in with ourselves. This is helpful to a happy life, to intentionally take inventory on how you are actually feeling, or what your concerns are. To know where you really stand and how you are really doing is a helpful habit indeed. If you actually set aside the time to check in with yourself daily, then you don’t have to be in your head for the rest of the day and you can have a more effective day.
Now, I want to be clear and say that while it’s good to check in, don’t get stuck in your mind. Going too far inward, and only focusing on your thoughts, emotions, and your life can be problematic. It’s unhealthy. Ask Eckhart Tolle the author of “The Power of Now”, who encourages us to realize that we only have the present moment in life and anytime we are thinking about something in the past or in the future we are not actually living a fulfilling life. His book has sold over 2 million copies worldwide and has been translated into over 30 languages. I know he’s right but I still over think so this blog post applies to me as well.
Ruminating can be a life and joy stealer. When you take too much time thinking about things and not enough time doing things, your mind can start to play tricks on you. It brings you down. Also, when you are ruminating or over thinking, you are not actually in the present moment. What could you possibly be doing well if you are in your head as you do it, thinking about something else. This is why I love and appreciate my jobs so much. Both of my jobs require me to be completely in the moment. My job as a judge on “Dancing with the Stars” requires me to stay present, I have to be completely attentive to the dance as it’s happening in order to give feedback in a way that is helpful to the contestant. If I am distracted in my mind, I could miss a step or a mistake or something important and trust me, if I don’t judge well, I will hear about it. My job at “The Talk” also requires me to stay present because I moderate the talk block where we discuss the various current events at the top of the show and . In order to make sure we get to commercial on time and stay on topic and be sure a fair opinion has been brought out, I have to listen to my fellow hosts very carefully, and also listen to the executive producer who is giving me timing cues and other direction as it’s happening. There is a lot going on and if I am stuck in my own thoughts, I will get lost and I will miss something. I have to be 100% present, clear mind, and 100% in the moment. Look it’s a generally good rule of thumb that in any conversation, whether you are on television or not, you want to be present and listen so you can interact gracefully with what is being talked about. This is also why dancing was such a good creative outlet for me and my overthinking tendencies. Dancing forced me to be 100 percent in the moment. In order to dance at all, you must let go of your mind and listen to the music and connect with your body and the choreography or just your emotions if you are doing freestyle. I’m so grateful that my career has always provided me with opportunities to be 100% in the moment. I think I’m happiest when I’m working. Or maybe more accurately I could say that I’m happier when I’m 100% in the moment and not over thinking which has been proven to not be a good thing for our mental health and longevity.
There was a study done at University of Exeter Medical School, and it found that people who volunteered their time for various causes were less depressed and had greater well being and life satisfaction than people who didn’t. The study also found that people who volunteered their time lived longer lives. These people were not ruminating or thinking about their life and problems when they were volunteering. They were out in the world doing things for others. Focusing on others and helping others helps you because it forces you to go beyond yourself. It also gives you a greater perspective and a more realistic one than the one your mind paints for you when you are in a brain swirl on your sofa. When you are too much in your mind, you can get lost in a vast and hard to escape world.
I’ll admit that I get in my head when it comes to matters of the heart. My mind likes to dissect, understand, and clarify. Perhaps because I am not as confident in love as I am in other areas of my life. I’ve had a lot of relationships that didn’t end up being the everlasting love I had hoped for. I’ve had a lot of hurt in the area of love, so many disappointments. So maybe because of that, I’m even more in my head instead of being in my heart. (Which I lam learning has never served me). In business and in creativity, or choreography, it often takes a lot of thinking and planning and trying to understand things before they are a problem, and seeing connections between things that are not yet there, or not physically present. It takes a lot of mind work. And I’m good at that. I love doing it. It comes very natural for me. But in love, it’s very different, it’s the complete opposite, and just staying in the now, accepting what is and not over thinking is how it works best. After all, it’s called “Love”, not “Thinking”. But how do we do this if we are naturally a busy minded individual?
Here are a few suggestions to try.
When triggered into a mind fest, where your mind starts to spin in circles and gets stuck on a repetitive thought, like “Does he love me?” “What does this mean?” or “Will this happen or not happen?” “Why did they say that to me?” My first suggestion is to scratch that record in your mind and get up and move. Literally, get up and move your body. Stand up, stretch, shake your limbs and take a deep breath. Like when a dog gets into a tustle with another dog, they often get all aggressive then they will shake it off and get back to life. This is a good technique for humans too. Sometimes making a loud sound can shift your brain away from the toxic thinking as well. Another easy trick is to wash your hands. When you wash your hands, you have to focus on what you are doing and that will take you out of your mind and then while you are out of there, keep going and be productive.
Another way to stay out of your mind is to work out, as I said earlier, dancing is a good one because you have to listen to the music and move to the music so there is little time to think.
Any sort of cardio exercise to music is good, the music keeps you moving at a certain tempo as well. Yoga is a great way to escape the mind. In my yoga class we sing at the beginning of each class and that is also another way to get out of your mind When you feel yourself slipping into a tornado of thoughts, turn on your Alexa or and play some fun sing along music and sing yourself out of your mind.
Reading is yet another activity that takes you out of thinking. And, you get the added bonus of learning new things and hearing new perspectives – so next time you end up over thinking you will have new material to throw in the mix and that would probably be a good bonus don’t you think? Here’s one of my favorite, “The Daily Om ” by Madisyn Taylor.
I’m sure there are many more ways to stay out of your monkey mind. I hope you will remember that one of them is to take a moment to get in there so that you don’t have to do it all day. When you consciously take “a Moment of Me” then you can enjoy the rest of your day without thinking or pondering because you’ve done it. But if you get stuck, try one of the things I suggested or, please share below what you do to get out of your mind. I’m sure you have some great ideas as well.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned because I’m also hard at work putting together the Carrie Ann Conversations Podcast… (it’s just another way for me to stay out of my own way.) I hope you will enjoy it when it goes live.
Life is a rollercoaster. For those of us in California, it has been an extremely difficult time, with the wildfires and the shootings just last week in Agoura Hills, I think we are all feeling the tensions of life upon us. For those of us across the country, the recent elections have caused a lot of emotions to be stirred up. I don’t like to talk about politics and I don’t intend to here, but I wanted to mention it because I do believe we need to give ourselves permission to notice that the world has been heavier than usual lately. For those of us who are sensitive and empathetic, and even those who are not, it is more challenging than ever for us to keep our spirits positive and uplifted for ourselves and for our family and friends. When we are bogged down with heavy thoughts and carrying energy that is not ours in our hearts, we don’t function at our best. And in these tumultuous times, we need to be functioning at our best. We all need to practice some self care on a more regular basis to keep ourselves clear and open to positivity – even if we have to create it ourselves.
So, today I wanted to share some ways to do an energetic reset. A year ago, I would have said, once a month, it’s good to take some time to pamper oneself, release the things that attached to you energetically and have weighed you down. But now, I think it’s important to do something to reset and refocus once a week. I mean…if you actually can, I would even dare to suggest you do something once a day. But I know for some of you that thought could be overwhelming. So, take it at your own pace. Whether you choose to reset once a day, or once a week, it’s sad to say that with the constant barrage of information from the many forms of media we live with now, we need more ways to reset and clear our energy so we can live a healthier life.
TAKE AN EPSOM SALT BATH
I like lavender, but regular simple epsom salt from your local drugstore will do just fine.
I suggest, adding one to two cups of epsom salt to your bath and soaking for between 20-30 minutes before bedtime. The magnesium is really good for your body – and will help to relax you before bed. It is a natural anti-inflammatory and exfoliant and it’s good for muscle aches and pains. The theory is that the skin which is our largest organ absorbs it right into the system and the magnesium goes to work. For me, I find it helps me to sleep as well. There are many articles on the benefits of epsom salt baths if you’d like to read them. I like to have a little ritual around my baths. So I suggest that you create your own. Maybe light a candle ( and blow it out when you are finished) and play some relaxing music. I like to write when I’m in the bath tub. It keeps me in the tub longer since I sometimes have a hard time sitting still for that long. But since the water will get all over the pages, I use a different journal that I don’t mind if it gets wet and then I transfer what I wrote later when I get in bed. You could also read, or you could just close your eyes and let your mind go blank. When you get out, take your time toweling off and apply your favorite lotion or body oils and appreciate your body for all it does to keep you going, send it loving energy and give it your fullest attention. It will appreciate it. Then get into your favorite pajamas ( or not ) and get into bed while your body is still warm.
GO OUTSIDE AND GROUND
Even though we always feel busy and in this day and age we wear shoes a lot, grounding is a good practice. To ground, go outside in nature and be barefoot for a half an hour. If you can’t do that, just go outside and be present for a half an hour. When ever I need a quick shift in the middle of the day, I go outside and sit by a tree or a bush or on the grass and it makes a huge difference. Do not take your phone. Just be… notice the trees, notice the scents, look at the colors and absorb that natural beauty around you. It’s important to reconnect energetically to the earth. It will also help you to remember to be conscious of our earth mother and remember to take care of the planet we live on and appreciate all that she/ he/ it gives us.
The earth has a subtle electrical charge – like a battery and we as people also work better when we are grounded because truth be told, our bodies operate with electrical energy. Our whole system runs on these types of frequencies. And we need to “plug in” every once in a while. I think people who go hiking benefit from this. I know when I was hiking once a week, I felt so much better. But when I can’t hike, I go outside and sit on the grass for a half an hour and it makes a huge shift. It’s like taking a mini vacation. So, either go and hike, sit at the beach, sit by a tree, stand and meditate with your barefeet nestled into the grass or sad and recharge. You’ll feel so much better and it’s the simplest method that requires nothing but your own presence and this incredible natural world we live in. Reset and recharge.
Create your own grounding ritual and reconnect with the world around you.
MEDITATION PRACTICE
I recently learned how to do Kriya Yoga and the meditation techniques that come with it. I noticed a huge difference in my whole state of mind. This practice takes me 30 – 40 minutes and I try to do it 3 times a week at the least. It’s a visualization and breathing practice which works well for me because I am such a visual person. We aren’t allowed to share it, because you are supposed to learn the technique from a master and I am not a trained master, but I want to share that what’s important is to find a technique that works for you. I also have an app that I use called Insight Timer, that I use often before I go to bed. But I often fall asleep before I really get to meditate. For me, meditation is about breathing well and pausing with yourself. It’s about being with yourself and noticing things without getting too involved in your thoughts. I know meditation can be hard for some people but I suggest trying many different techniques. If you are new to it, I’d say start with the Insight Timer App. They have so many different types of meditations that I think you will be able to find one that suits you. It’s important to take a little “me” break, listening to empowering words, or even just silence. Trust yourself to choose something that works especially for you. And then practice. Remember it’s called a practice because it’s not about doing it perfectly. So, enjoy the process and reset your mind.
Meditation and mindfulness help us to find inner peace.
JUICE FAST
When I feel bogged down, I also do juice fasts. There are many juice bars that have figured out the correct nutrient needs of the body and have predesigned three day cleanses or even five day cleanses. For me, I just do a one day juice fast, to reset. I’ve done the 21 day Lemon Cayenne Pepper cleanse and that was profound and I felt clearer than I’ve ever felt but it’s a huge commitment and may not be the right choice for everyone. I want to remind people to check with their own doctors before doing anything too intensive. But a one day juice fast feels good. It reminds you what it feels like to ingest only what nature intended for us, nothing processed and nothing animal based – just plant based goodness. It’s like breathing in fresh air all day. And when you do that, you feel connected to yourself again. Think of this as a diet reset. Reset what you ingest and and remind your body what it really wants. ( As I write this blog, I have spinach, apple, ginger, turmeric, cucumber and lemon sitting on my counter waiting for me to turn it into a pressed juice because today I need a little digestive reset). It works.. and I’m looking forward to it!
DO SOMETHING KIND FOR SOMEONE ELSE
This is something you can make a daily practice out of. With our busy schedules, I don’t mean for you to take on more things than you can handle, but when you are feeling bogged down with responsibility or feeling that life is bringing you down, one of the best ways to shift that is to do something nice for someone else. It can be something simple, like just smiling and saying, “Hello” to a stranger. A smile does a lot for everyone. When we meet eyes with a stranger, and smile, it reminds us to connect, that we are not so different from each other, and also, it reminds us that we are not so alone in this world. You can take this further as well, you can donate your time at an organization that does the kind of work you are passionate about. For me, my passion is animals. So, if you share that passion, you could stop by an animal shelter and just spend some time with the animals, giving them love and affection. Who knows, you may decide you want to volunteer on a regular basis and help out in other ways. You could donate old towels or blankets which most animals shelters need to create warm soft spaces for the animals. Volunteering is very rewarding and good for the soul. Tony Robbins (the self help guru) stresses the importance of contribution, and giving back to feel fulfilled as a person and I would agree.
I know that many of us get into social media and get lost was e click on page after page of stories..…I know social media can be a problem. But also, there are opportunities for goodness in social media as well. A simple way to break up a “deep dive” into social media is to find a cause and stop and read up about it, and sign the petition. Instead of scrolling on through, stop and do something. It’s simple but it’s a good deed and good deeds help spread the goodness and shift our own personal energy. You can also donate. It’s as simple as a click of a button and donations don’t have to be huge. You could forgo your cup of coffee and donate that $5 to a cause that helps those in need. Trust me, it will feel good and shift your energy for the better.
Helping others helps our own overall health.
WRITE OUT OUR INTENTIONS
I have found that when I’m really feeling heavy and maybe even a bit lost under the weight of life and the pressures of work, or even just the invisible pressures from the complicated world we are living in, I write out my intentions. Each day as we grow from the experiences of the lives we live, we learn things and therefore, our goals and desires shift. I have found that by writing my goals and my intentions, along with taking time to notice and express gratitude for the things in my life, I get centered. Writing things down, especially intentions- really helps me to center myself. It reminds me of who I am so I’m not caught up in other people’s energies or ideas about me or about the world they live in. It reminds me of what is important to me, and where I’m going, and why I do the things I do. This makes the days feel like they have more purpose. And that gives me more satisfaction. It gives my life direction when I feel lost. And allows my mind to dream and shift into my creative mind space instead of living to meet the expectation of life. Ti’s like a mini mind vacation – but with purposed. By doing this more often than not, it’s also a good way to check in with myself and shift where I’m going based upon the reality of my life experiences. The goal or intention or dream – whatever you want to call it, is then something that is also a part of my reality and shifts accordingly instead of being a stagnant unattainable thing. But looking at it this way, it becomes more of a living thing, and a part of my day to day life. This makes it more real to me and then in the end, more easily attained because it’s not so far away. Write out your intentions and check in with them – remembering your intentions are really just a reflection of you. So this is a way to check in with you. I keep my intentions where I can see them – to remind me visually of where I was when I last wrote them, and where I want to go in the future. Then, I readjust them as I live, learn and grow. A reset can be as simple as reminding ourselves of who we are and what we wan, then setting that intention out into the universe. It’s a way to reset and work towards manifesting the life we want to create which I imagine would be a very good thing for all of us.
CRYSTALS AND BURNING SAGE
When all else fails and I just can’t seem to shake the negative energy, I go to my crystals and I burn some sage. I am not an expert on crystals, but I work with a very special woman who is a crystal healer among other things -she also works with plant based medicine and energy and her work is so powerful. Sometimes, I just sit with my crystals and burn sage and clear out the energy. The crystals hold the energy of the earth so it’s similar to grounding but more specific. ( Be careful when burning sage though, make sure you have something to catch the ashes and be sure the sage is 100% put out before you leave it unattended). I love the way the sage smells and I love the process going through the house with the intentions to clear the energy, wether it’s the sage at work or my own mind, it always does the trick. I open the windows and walk through my home usually with some beautiful music by Donna Delory playing in the background. ( She is an incredible singer and song writer who writes soothing and sacred music. Donna and I were on the Madonna Girlie Show Tour together back in 1993. She sang back up and I danced and I’ve been a fan of hers very since.) Choose what works for you, music or no music, and use ancient and natural tools to clear out the energy in your home to reset.
Be careful when you burn sage… but make it a beautiful energy cleansing ritual.
As you can see, there are so many ways to reset…I hope this post inspires you to find even more ways to reset and take a break from the pressures of life, so that we can get right back to it with better energy and more focus and joy . Here are a few more suggestions, but I hope you will share with me some of your ways to reset. Life is meant to be lived in connection with each other so I hope you will share with me as I have shared with you.
Spending time with animals is always a good way to recharge happy positive energy. (This is Peanut….she’s the boss.)
MORE IDEAS TO RESET FOR A BETTER LIFE…
✨READ A GOOD BOOK
✨PLAY MUSIC
✨SING OUTLOUD
✨PLAY WITH ANIMALS OR SPEND TIME WITH ANIMALS
✨DANCE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG
✨PAINT
✨WRITE
✨COOK YOURSELF A REALLY HEALTHY MEAL
✨MOVE FURNITURE
✨CLEAN OUT A DRAWER
✨DO ANYTHING CREATIVE THAT FILLS YOUR SOUL…
✨HUG YOUR LOVED ONES ( this is the best one – it releases serotonin and just makes you feel great.)
You get the picture. Anything can be an energy shift if you do it mindfully. Really absorb the moment – whether it’s a half an hour or five minutes, make those moments yours. Give yourself options but make it a part of your ritual and routine. My wish for you is to create time for yourself – a half-hour every day for YOU! And if you can’t do that, try for a half an hour once a week and then work your way up to every day. I think you will find that the benefits will be tremendous. What you put into you, you will get back and be able to put back into the world. And the world needs us all to be our best selves right now.
As another season of Dancing With The Stars (“DWTS”) begins, and as I prepare to set foot in the ballroom and take my seat at the judges’ panel, I take a moment to center myself and to check in with where I am mentally, and emotionally.
I truly feel that it is an honor to be a judge on this show, to be given a voice and a tremendous platform to speak from. Such an opportunity is not something I take for granted. Being a judge on DWTS has given me a voice and an opportunity to speak about so many things: to share my thoughts on dance, movement, and performance; to impart to competitors and audiences all that I know about dance and performing (drawing from over 30 years of my own career); and to offer my own, personal beliefs on topics I find essential to living our best lives, including ‘motivation’, ‘connection’, ‘passion’, ‘failures’, and ‘love’, to name just a few. While I recognize DWTS is a dance competition, with dancing and competing at its heart, DWTS is also a slice of life. The moments of competitors training, the moments of the performances, the moments of our commentary, these are also precious moments of life, not to be wasted. After all, each and every moment of life matters.
Just starting my career as a young dancer 1989
1987: Me and Mari Yoshimura Host of Your No Hit Studio DX on Fuji TV
In my late 20’s, I had finished touring the world with Madonna as a professional dancer, and I soon began working in reality television, choreographing and staging reality shows as the genre found its way into television. With all that I was doing at that time and everything I had accomplished on tour, I felt like I was ready to do something outside the world of show business. I felt an impulse and a desire to return to school and finish my college education –Getting my college degree was cut short first by my career as a recording artist in Japan, and later again once I became a Fly Girl on “In Living Color: The Television Series”.
I had gone to school at Sophia International University in Tokyo for a few years, but I was juggling professional duties as a recording artist at the same time as attending school, and found the pressure to be too great so, and I choose to leave my education to focus on my career full-time. Years later, I attended UC Irvine working toward a degree as a choreography major while also driving to Los Angeles every day to take professional dance classes.
The Original Fly Girls of In Living Color With Shawn Wayans.
On Tour with Madonna 1993, The Girlie Show
Once again, something had to give, so I choose to let go of school, and move to Los Angeles to pursue my career as a dancer. After years of working in television and advancing my career, I found that I really wanted to finish my college education and get my degree. I applied to UCLA and was accepted into their World Arts and Cultures Program. This program is a fascinating field of study focusing on dance and cultural studies, and revealing how dance, art, and cultural expression works in real life. While the syllabus explains it differently, and I believe the major has changed throughout the years, for me the program allowed me to study and explore how dance and movement worked in real life and in cultures throughout the world. How people use it to tell their stories, keep their cultural histories vibrant … how people and cultures use it to deal with grief, and to find connection… all by way of dance and movement, and how movement heals and connects us with each other and connects us to ourselves. I also studied ethnographic filmmaking within this program, and I completely immersed myself into cultural studies with movement and art as the lens through which I viewed the world I was studying. Who knew that one day I would become a judge on DWTS. 🙂
So why bring all of this up, the stops and starts with my college studies? I bring this up not to share my educational background, but rather because I experienced a monumental moment when I returned to school. On the first day of school – I was so excited to finally be a Bruin – I sat in large lecture hall surrounded by much younger college students. The professor walked up to the podium and began shouting. “ You better F#$%$ing know what are you are going to say!”. The room went silent. We were all shocked. I had never had a professor use profanity before. I was shocked. I remember almost wanting to laugh because I was so uncomfortable. You know how sometimes when something shocks you, you have an inappropriate reaction? Well, I wanted to laugh, and giggle, out of sheer confusion. But he didn’t stop. He kept on yelling at us. And as his face became more and more red with passion and growing intensity, nearly as red as a tomato, and his body language became more and more intense, we all realized we needed to listen.
This professor shouted at us for the entire lecture. We all had walked into that first day of class bright eyed, full of excitement, joyful and feeling good… probably feeling a little entitled, even. But instead of filling us up with congratulations for being there, this professor was making sure to give us not what we wanted, and not what we thought we should get from a college class, but he was giving us what we needed to wake us up. When I left that lecture, I was changed. I realized that this college journey was no joke and I had to figure some things out. And I do believe now, that that day helped shape me into the on-camera person that I am. And I will forever be grateful for the professor’s passion and his courage to wake us all up.
What my professor said to a room full of mostly freshmen college students, went something like this (paraphrasing, as this moment was almost two decades ago): You all better know how lucky you are. How fortunate you are to be where you are right now, sitting in this class, getting a college education here at this institution. And because of that, you better figure out what the %&#! you want to say in this world because you will have a voice; you will be one of the ones we will see on the news, who will have a voice. You will be running a company or a small business, or you will be a manager of a project. You will be someone who will have a platform and will be listened to. People will listen to you and so you better figure out what it is you are going to say when that moment comes because there are many people who won’t have that opportunity. There are so many people in the world of whom, they will ever ask their opinion (even if they have a good one). But you, your voice will be heard… so you better figure out what it is you are going to do with that voice and what you are going to stand for.
I will never forget the impact this professor had on me. He basically slapped me silly with his words of caution. But that idea of “silly” soon transformed into a “knowing” that has shaped the way I look at every opportunity that I am offered to speak or to share my opinion in a public way. So, as I head into my 27th season sitting in the judge’s chair behind that desk at DWTS, doing something which I thoroughly love, being given the opportunity to share my knowledge and my philosophies, I think back to the moment with my UCLA professor yelling at us to wake us up. And I smile.
However, this time I am smiling not out of awkwardness, but out of joy and a special sort of glee knowing that he has become a part of the way I have affected people for the past 27 seasons on Dancing With The Stars … and on the various other shows I have been on, where I have been fortunate to have been given the opportunity to share my voice. The opportunity of a platform where I am heard. And the opportunity to affect change on some scale, large or small, however my words may find their way into the world as encouragement and support.
Thank you Professor.
Thank you for helping me to find, to claim, and to define my own voice in this world. I hope I have made you proud.
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