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The Reality of Adult Acne & My Accutane Journey

The Reality of Adult Acne & My Accutane Journey | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

If you’re human, it’s likely that you’ve experienced acne at some point in your life. It’s almost impossible to escape high school and beyond without the clutches of acne grabbing ahold of your skin and self-esteem. Acne is by far the most common skin condition, affecting “up to 50 million Americans annually”, yet is something that can make you feel incredibly isolated (American Academy of Dermatology). It’s also a condition that many of us falsely equivocate solely with adolescence, even though acne can affect people into their 50s. I for one bought into this notion, and held onto the hope that once I hit my early 20s, my skin woes would be on the decline. I wasn’t expecting a miracle, but from everything I had heard there was no reason to believe that things wouldn’t improve. What I didn’t expect, however, was for my acne to get much worse.

Due to the myth that acne is simply a side effect of being a teenager, I felt the isolation that so many of us do when my breakouts became worse with age. I had already spent much of my youth agonizing over my skin and making frequent trips to the dermatologist. My main concern then was rosacea, a condition that causes the skin to flush and look red and inflamed. And of course, acne isn’t going to help with that. I started wearing foundation at twelve years old because my skin had become so red that kids at school would ask why I was so sunburned. Through all of this, I couldn’t wait for the day that adulthood would bring some relief.

It sounds so trivial, but studies have proven time and again that acne has psychological effects. According to the American Academy of Dermatology, “researchers have found in study after study that people with acne can also develop depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, decreased quality of life, and a feeling of being all alone”. These psychological effects have consequences in the real world, beyond the obvious decreased quality of life that they bring acne sufferers. Each year, lost productivity due to the inherent debilitating effects of acne amounts to hundreds of millions of dollars. Clearly, the narrative that acne is an adolescent problem is just plain wrong.

By the time I hit 25, my acne had turned cystic and was the worst it had ever been. At that point, I had tried just about everything. Prescription creams, antibiotics, retinoids, diet changes, stripping down my skincare routine to the basics, you name it. Some of it worked for short periods of time, or at least kept the worst of it at bay. But as soon as I thought the problem was under control, it would return with a vengeance.

I had hit my breaking point, and that’s when my dermatologist suggested it was time for isotretinoin, otherwise known as its former brand name, Accutane. I had never considered it as an option. Despite dealing with breakouts since my early teens, my impression with Accutane was that it was for only the most severe forms of acne. However, my doctor explained that since my acne was cystic and I had failed all other alternatives, it was actually a realistic option for me. I’d like to say that I was cautious and took my time in deciding to go on a powerful drug with heavy side effects, but I jumped at the opportunity. At that point, I was willing to try anything.

ACCUTANE – NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

Accutane is a derivative of vitamin A that can cure acne by shrinking the oil glands in the skin. These sebaceous glands can get clogged and attract acne causing bacteria. For many people, it is a cure. Some may have to do a couple 4-6 month rounds of the drug, but generally, it is extremely effective in putting almost a complete stop to acne. There are a number of risks that come with taking Accutane, which are important to discuss with your doctor before starting the medication.

The Basics

  • For women, or females that can bear children, isotretinoin can cause severe birth defects. Due to this, it is mandatory that women use two forms of birth control and take monthly pregnancy tests. Before you even start your prescription, you have to have 2 negative pregnancy tests one month apart. So, don’t expect to get on the medication the day it’s prescribed. There’s no way around this 30 day waiting period.
  • In order to get your prescriptions each month, you’ll have to jump through a few hoops:
    • Schedule an appointment with your doctor.
    • Get bloodwork panel done (this is for your pregnancy test and to monitor your cholesterol, which can be affected by Accutane).
    • Take the iPledge online quiz after your appointment. iPledge is the pregnancy prevention program for Accutane. Both doctors, patients, and pharmacies are required to use it. Each month, after your doctor inputs your negative pregnancy test, you will have to take a short quiz that basically proves that you know the risks.
    • Pick up your prescription within a 7 day window. If you miss this window, you will have to take another pregnancy test.

The Side Effects

Accutane comes with a multitude of side effects that can range from pesky to downright debilitating. Of course, if your symptoms veer towards the latter, it’s important to check in with your doctor.

Common Side Effects (Mayo Clinic):

  • Bone or joint pain
  • Burning, redness, itching, or other signs of eye inflammation
  • Difficulty with moving
  • Nosebleeds
  • Scaling, redness, burning, pain, or other signs of inflammation of the lips
  • Skin infection or rash
  • Crusting of the skin
  • Difficulty in wearing contact lenses (may continue after medicine is stopped)
  • Dryness of the eyes (may continue after treatment is stopped)
  • Dryness of the mouth or nose
  • Dryness or itching of the skin
  • Headache (mild)
  • Increased sensitivity of the skin to sunlight
  • Peeling of the skin on palms of the hands or soles of the feet
  • Stomach upset
  • Thinning of the hair (may continue after treatment is stopped)

The Essentials

  • Moisturizer. The most common side effect of Accutane is extreme dryness. This was definitely true for me. Using a gentle, thick moisturizer on my face and body daily was essential, and did help to keep flakiness at bay. This is the moisturizer I swore by while on the medication – and let me tell you, it works. I got comments from people that it didn’t even look like I was on Accutane because my skin didn’t look flaky. I put it down to this wonderful cream.
  • Aquaphor. Sometimes thick creams just didn’t cut it, especially in the winter. I had patches of eczema pop up on my hands and arms at times when the weather was particularly cold and dry. Aquaphor was a saving grace for not only that, but my frequent nose bleeds. Yes, you read that correctly. I had to moisturize the insides of my nostrils daily, as well as use a humidifier.
  • Heavy duty balm / mask for your lips. Mine were constantly peeling and cracking, so I was constantly reapplying lip balms. Your average Chapstick isn’t going to cut it here. I used this one on the regular, and sometimes even layered them.

Dealing with these uncomfortable side effects was an easy trade off for me, and I’d do it again. It’s important to consider how Accutane will work with your daily life and routine before taking it. Since I had already exhausted all other resources, choosing to take the medication despite its risks was a no brainer. After I started seeing major results at around month four, I knew I had made the right decision. By the end of my 6 month treatment, I had experienced two months completely breakout free. I couldn’t remember the last time that had happened – it had certainly been well over a decade.

For me, Accutane was a miracle drug. I’m feeling more confident about my skin than ever, and am already wearing much less makeup. The mental burden of worrying and feeling “other” because of adult acne is real and shouldn’t be downplayed or ignored. Talk to your dermatologist if nothing has been working for you. You deserve to feel beautiful and confident in your own skin.

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5 Fun Wellness Trends to Try Now

5 Fun Wellness Trends to Try Now | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

If there’s one thing we know about wellness, it’s that trends are completely subjective and personal. What might work wonders for you may do nothing for someone else, and vice versa. That’s what makes the world of health and wellness so alluring – you never know what treatment or practice is going to be the thing that takes your routine to the next level. If you’re on the hunt for a new way to shake up your regimen or just want to try something new and fun, one of these trends might be for you!

GUA SHA FOR FACE & BODY

Gua sha is a traditional Chinese medicine practice. You’ve probably seen people raving about it on TikTok as part of their skincare routine. A gua sha tool is usually made out of jade or rose quartz, and is curved to fit into the contours of the face. It is wonderful as a facial rejuvenation and contouring tool. Gua sha for the face can also be a great method for promoting lymphatic drainage, meaning it encourages stubborn fluid to keep it moving. Say goodbye to puffy skin and inflammation! If puffiness isn’t your problem but TMJ pain and migraines are, gua sha is also a perfect massage tool to relieve tension.

Before people discovered the facial benefits of gua sha, it was used on the entire body. There’s been a resurgence of popularity in this method, as it “may help to break down scar tissue and connective tissue, improving movement in the joints” (Medical News Today). While gua sha treatments on the body can cause bruising, they can also be effective pain management alternatives. If you suffer from joint, back, or neck pain, you might want to give this method a shot!

COLD PLUNGING

It may seem like submerging into a freezing body of water is the absolute antithesis of what you should be doing to take care of your mental health. Cold plunging has long been touted as one of those “serious” wellness trends, you know, the kind that encourages you to live more like a CEO by waking up at 4am and starting the day with an ice cold shower – because you mean business. However, there’s been recent evidence to suggest that cold plunges do a little more than just proving to yourself how hard core you are.

According to psychiatrist and Stanford professor Anna Lembke, a few studies have suggested that taking cold showers (or doing a cold plunge), triggers a dopamine release in the brain, along with other feel-good chemicals like serotonin and norepinephrine. Dopamine is a “feel-good” neurotransmitter that “helps us feel pleasure as part of the brain’s reward system” (Harvard Health). Cold plunging is a way to get that dopamine high naturally, without the crash that is inevitably felt with substances like sugar, caffeine, or drugs.

It has also been suggested that cold water exposure can help to reduce anxiety through reducing the stress hormone cortisol (Healthline). Cortisol is also linked to inflammation, so cold plunging may address a trifecta of common health issues – mood, stress, and inflammation. Next time you’re looking for a boost, you might want to try turning that shower knob towards cold. More research needs to be done, but right now it looks promising that a little bit of discomfort can lead to lasting benefits to your overall mental and physical wellbeing.

SOUND MACHINES

You might think sound machines are for babies, and you would be correct. But, they can also have amazing calming effects on adults. Noise affects babies and adults alike, and “since your brain continues to process sounds as you sleep, different noises can affect how well you rest” (Healthline).

White Noise

White noise incorporates all frequencies of sound equally. “Researchers have studied the effect of white noise on humans for many years, finding evidence it can reduce crying in infants, improve work performance, and potentially help counteract symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)” (Sleep Foundation). Some examples of white noise are:

  • Whirring fan
  • Air conditioner
  • Vacuum

Pink Noise

Pink noise is balanced and even, but the higher frequencies are less prominent than that of white noise. This gives the sound a deeper tone. Some examples of pink noise are:

  • Waterfalls
  • Rain
  • Wind
  • Rivers
  • Waves

Brown Noise

Brown noise (also called Red noise), has an even deeper tone than pink noise. High frequencies of sound are almost nonexistant in brown noise (How Stuff Works). Some examples of brown noise are:

  • Heavy rainfall
  • Thunder
  • River rapids

If you live on a busy street or have been experiencing sleep issues in general, try a sound machine! Soothing background noise can make a world of difference in your sleep environment.

The Hatch sound machine on Amazon.

PHOTOFACIALS

Photofacials, or Intense Pulsed Light facials (IPL), have become more commonplace both at your dermatologist’s office and medical spas. IPL is less invasive than laser treatments, and has much less down time. You may only experience redness or discomfort for a day or two. If you have sun damage, rosacea, acne scarring, or an uneven or splotchy complexion, IPL might be the thing you’ve been looking for! Here are the facts:

  • IPL sends out multiple wavelengths of light, which treat a multitude of skin concerns (webmd)
  • If done correctly by a board certified dermatologist, it can help with:
    • Redness / rosacea
    • Broken blood vessels
    • Birthmarks
    • Dark spots
    • Scars
    • Age spots

TOUCHLESS SPAS

In the age of Covid it can seem more risky than rejuvenating to treat yourself to a spa day. Luckily, spas have adapted, and now most offer touchless options! This is the perfect trend to hop on if you’ve been missing the spa experience. Sure, these options may not give the relief that massages do, but anything that will promote less stress, allow you time for yourself, and are safe are worth your time and money! Here are a couple treatments that are safe and relaxing:

  • Sound baths
  • Cryotherapy
  • Salt float baths
  • Facials using tools like jade rollers and gua sha
  • Reiki, or other energy healing treatments

Which wellness trend are you curious to try? Let us know in the comments below or on social media: @carrieannconversations. We would love to hear from you!

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Have You Lost Yourself to Emotional Manipulation?

What do you do when you’ve lost yourself? When you can no longer see the end of you and the beginning of someone else? When you’ve finally seen through the fog of exhaustion and turmoil and can’t recognize who you are? You know you have to break the cycle, but you have no clue where to start. It’s an incredibly scary and isolating thought, not knowing how to  free yourself from the grip of someone you once thought you loved. However, there’s a path in front of you leading you out of the storm, and all you have to do is take the first step.

THE WARNING SIGNS

You know something is wrong. You don’t recognize the person you once used to be. It is painful to think that you’ve fallen into someone else’s trap. You question yourself, and that’s understandable. So how do you know with certainty that it was someone else chipping away at your sense of self all along?

  • You’ve lost sight of your own personal goals
  • You feel emotionally numb
  • Your partner makes you feel crazy when you try to address problems, leading you to believe the problem is your fault (otherwise known as gaslighting)
  • You have lost touch with friends and other loved ones
  • You jump to meet your partner’s needs at the expense of your own
  • You walk on eggshells around your partner, and do anything to keep the peace
  • Your partner makes you question every decision you make
  • You are highly controlling of every other aspect of your life (even other people), because you have zero control of your personal life
  • You sacrifice opportunities that would lead to your own personal or professional growth
  • You often feel guilty about anything you say or do
  • Your partner withholds affection or disappears for periods of time
  • Your partner uses passive aggressive tactics to retaliate against perceived slights
  • Your relationship progressed very quickly, and went from one extreme (such as over the top expressions of love) to the other

HOW TO HEAL

Ask for professional help

Leaving an emotionally or physically abusive relationship is hard enough, and dealing with the aftershocks can be just as difficult. These types of relationships can lead to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, uncertainty, and an overall sense of fear (Psych Central). A therapist or psychiatrist can guide you through the process of recovery and provide support every step of the way.

Make a plan

Having a plan in place to handle triggers and possible unsafe situations can help to boost your sense of confidence and control over your recovery. A professional can aid in setting up a concrete plan for various problems that you may face.

Utilize your support system

It’s not uncommon for emotional or narcissistic abusers to alienate you from friends and family. In order to heal, it is important to reconnect with these people and lean on them for support (Verywellmind).

Show yourself love and prioritize self-care

Self-care and self-compassion are essential components of life in general, but particularly integral to putting the pieces of your sense of self back together. Take time to do things you love, have fun, and above all, rest.

Work diligently on your self-talk – it is NOT your fault

Emotional and narcissistic abusers are known for distorting reality, gaslighting, and eroding your self-confidence. You may have gotten into a pattern of guilt and harsh self-judgment, and it’s important to take that belief system apart. Reframing your self-talk is the first step to doing so.

Learn how to trust yourself and others again

Abusers can do a number on your radar for warning signs, which can lead to distrust of others (Cleveland Clinic). It will take time, but through therapy and educating yourself on the signs of manipulation, it is possible to trust again. Not only trust in future partners, but trust in yourself.

Finding yourself again after living in a manipulated reality is difficult, but worth the journey. Reach out, because there will be someone to grab your hand. Whether you know it or not, there are people in your life who love you and are waiting in the wings. Take that first step, and they’ll be there to pick you up until you’re strong enough to do it yourself.

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Teamwork Makes the Dream Work: How I Changed My Health & My Life In One Year

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work: How I Changed My Life & My Health In One Year | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

In the past year, my health has become so much more stable than it has been in the past five years or more. Many people have asked me, how did I do it? Well, the truth is, I didn’t do it alone. I worked hard and gathered an incredible team to help me make the best choices, and teach me ways to take better care of my health and chronic illnesses in a holistic way. Up until that point, I had been mostly managing pain, managing symptoms, and just trying to be well enough to get to my job and be my best for everyone else who depends on me. Over the course of the break I took last year to focus on my overall wellness, I learned the great value of having a supportive team. When most of us think of wellness, we think of our doctors. And if you’re a little more forward thinking, or were not raised on Western medicine, you may have an acupuncturist, chiropractor, or a masseuse on your team. But as we’ve discussed in our previous articles, there’s also another layer – our mental wellness and focusing on our dreams.

Coaches can be a great addition to your team, and I myself work with an ADHD coach who has taught me so much about the way my brain works. And that has lessened the stress that caused my autoimmune flare ups. I can’t say that it’s going to happen for everyone, but I will say it was a missing link in my puzzle. Also, working with the incredible Dr. Amen has helped me tremendously, as he was very consistent in my life and very proactive in every decision I made. He has met with me regularly since I called him that one night while he was watching Game of Thrones, and I was unsure if I was going to make it to the next day. Then there’s the Medical Medium, Anthony William, who has been my friend but has also been helping me with his incredible advice. He showed me which recipes and protocols from his books that I should follow, and helped me to realized that it was Epstein Barr syndrome that was wreaking havoc on my system. Then I have a person who works with me on my physical activity, my trainer, Michelle Lovitt. She also helps me manage the muscle tightness that comes along with my fibromyalgia, lupus, Sjogren’s syndrome, scoliosis, and spinal stenosis.

What’s important when you’re dealing with health or mystery illness, even if it’s just getting older, is to find the answers that make sense for you and give you lasting results. I thought that if you have an autoimmune condition, you go to a rheumatologist. You do everything they say, and that’s it. Then you go to a pain doctor and do everything they say. And then you go to the orthopedic surgeon and you get their advice. The truth is, it’s a combination of both and it takes an incredible amount of energy, focus, and note taking to come back from a mystery illness. This could even be long haul COVID or whatever you want to call it. Health has a lot to do with your own energy blueprint. I think it’s fascinating to approach my own health that way. And because of that new approach, my homeostasis in a much better place now. I’m eternally grateful for that and to all the people that are a part of my team.

So if you’re struggling with chronic or mystery illnesses, I suggest gathering a team. You need the support. You need their information, you need their years of studying, so that they can help you find the answers that work specifically for you. But they also need you to be proactive. You are the leader of the team, not the doctors. My wish for everyone is to have a life that feels good, and a life that is fulfilling. If you’re in constant pain, feel incredible lethargy, can’t focus, can’t sleep, are having unexplained panic attacks, or are so overwhelmed that you can’t keep your job, it’s time to start building your wellness team.

Here’s a list of my own personal wellness team, the types of people on it, and what I go to them for:

Rheumatologist – A rheumatologist is “an internist or pediatrician who received further training in the diagnosis (detection), and treatment of diseases that affect the muscles, bones, joints, ligaments, and tendons” (rheumatology.org). My rheumatologist helps me with my autoimmune conditions and he is the one who orders the blood tests to help me diagnose what is going on.  

Functional Medicine Doctor – “Functional medicine doctors use specialized training and techniques to find the root causes of complex illnesses. They may investigate multiple factors causing a condition, or they may look into multiple conditions causing one symptom” (webmd.com). My functional medicine Doctor helps me think about my body as a whole, and what could be causing some of the symptoms, like Lyme Disease and other areas that the rheumatologist doesn’t cover.

Body Workers – Bodywork is “any therapeutic or personal development technique that involves working with the human body in a form involving manipulative therapy (like massage), breathwork, or energy medicine” (wikipedia.org). If you can afford to get some body work with a massage therapist, that is helpful to keep things moving.  They can help alleviate pain and keep things flowing.  

Pain Management Doctor – I believe in pain management.  When you are in immense pain, it is difficult to be your own health advocate.  In order to manage and heal from autoimmune issues, it takes a lot of work and concentration.  I work with a pain management doctor, which is a specialist that “treats patients experiencing chronic, sometimes disabling, pain” (health.usnews.com).

Psychiatrist – Psychiatry “is the branch of medicine focused on the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of mental, emotional and behavioral disorders” (psychiatry.org). I work with Dr. Daniel Amen, who has helped me immensely ( see our conversation here) by using brain imaging. Seeing what is going on with my brain helps me to understand how to approach my own mental health.  We look at it as brain health, and if we make the brain healthy, the rest will follow.

ADHD Coach – I work with an ADHD coach who helps me keep my stress levels down so that I don’t overwhelm my body and cause a flare up.  She helps me find solutions for some of the problems I struggle with in life.  ADHD coaches “work collaboratively with their clients who have ADHD or ADHD-like symptoms to address specific needs and personal goals” (chadd.org).

Reiki Healer – I work with a lot of energy workers.  For me, it helps.  “Energy medicine aims to help the flow of energy and remove blocks in a similar way to acupuncture or acupressure. Reiki practitioners believe that improving the flow of energy around the body can enable relaxation, relieve pain, speed healing, and reduce other symptoms of illness” (medicalnewstoday.com). As a dancer I am tuned in to my body’s energy so these types of healers have been helpful.  But it doesn’t work for everyone.  

Acupuncturist – I work with an acupuncturist as well.  I have used acupuncture my whole adult life to help with injuries and keep my system running well.  Acupuncture is “a system of integrative medicine that involves pricking the skin or tissues with needles, used to alleviate pain and to treat various physical, mental, and emotional conditions” (Oxford Dictionary). If you don’t like needles, this may not be for you. If not, you could use acupressure as an alternative.

My friends and family  – This is the support group that we all need.  Having friends that will listen or understand that sometimes you need extra help is wonderful.  The unconditional love of family and friends is so important.  Make sure you let them know how grateful you are… and how much you appreciate them.  It’s not easy for people to understand what it’s like to live with autoimmune disease or chronic illness.

Online support groups – Sometimes you just need people who understand what it’s like to have the  illness or condition you have.  They can help give honest feedback about medications and side effects, and how it feels emotionally to have certain conditions.  I am a member of the Sjogrens Sisters group and a Lupus and Fibromyalgia group.  I can discuss openly some questions I have and get responses from other people who have the same symptoms I have.  I have found these groups to be very helpful.  Just remember that they are not experts in the field, but they are people who live with it.  So do not follow any advice unless you clear it with your own doctor as well.

It’s also important to note that finding a good doctor might take some trial and error. Be persistent. A doctor should be empathetic, a good listener, and willing to be collaborative. If you don’t feel comfortable with a doctor or feel that they are dismissing any of your symptoms, try someone else. You should not have to fight to prove to a medical professional that you are experiencing pain or discomfort. You deserve perfect wellness, and don’t settle for anything less!

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The Positivity Trap – What Is Forced Positivity?

The Positivity Trap - What Is Forced Positivity? | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

When was the last time someone told you (or you told yourself), “everything happens for a reason” or “it could be worse”? Maybe you were the person saying these things to a friend, which is something that we’re all guilty of. We’ve heard platitudes like these so many times that they slip off the tongue without a second thought. But what if seemingly positive statements meant to sooth us have the potential to do more damage than good?

HOW TO RECOGNIZE FORCED POSITIVITY

According to Medical News Today, forced or false positivity is “an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic”. It’s an idea that we see all over social media, but isn’t something so overtly wrong that our antennas go up. False positivity instead takes a more insidious approach, lulling our true emotions to sleep in a rush of flowery fonts and bright colors. We may not even notice how deeply the belief that we should “just focus on the positive” is ingrained in us until our emotions have reached a boiling point. So what exactly should we be watching out for, both in what we take in and how we speak to loved ones? Here is a quick list of phrases and affirmations that may actually be stunting your growth and putting a halt to any processing you need to do.

  • “It is what it is”
  • “Think on the bright side”
  • “Everything happens for a reason”
  • “It could be worse”
  • “Think positive”
  • “Just stay positive”
  • “It’s fine”
  • “Happiness is a choice”
  • “Don’t worry, be happy”
  • “The glass is half full, not half empty”
  • “We all have the same hours in a day”
  • “Good vibes only”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with these statements. It’s the way that they are used that can be damaging. Positivity is wonderful, and we all need a little bit of it – a positive quote can go a long way in cheering us up! However, using these statements to push down pain or feelings deemed as “negative” means that we are rejecting a fundamental human experience. Life is not without pain, anger, confusion, sadness, etc. Harvard medical school psychologist and emotions researcher, Dr. Susan David, said it best – “discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life”.

THE EFFECTS OF FORCED POSITIVITY

While it’s easier said than done, processing our emotions is a much better solution than telling ourselves or others that everything will work out in the end. It’s so easy to mask, reject, and replace our feelings with a quick fix. And if we go so far as to never process any discomforts, it’s possible that we’ve gaslit ourselves into a distorted reality. Unsurprisingly, this forced positivity actually stunts positive growth. We learn from hard situations and our reactions to them. If we never give ourselves the opportunity to take action, how can we expect to improve at all?

It’s even easier to project these false beliefs onto our friends or loved ones. “My best friend is feeling bad? I’ll tell them to look on the bright side and we’ll go out for margaritas. Problem solved”. Instead of listening to our friend, we assuage them with a pat phrase that sounds nice but doesn’t actually help in any meaningful way. Dr. Susan David describes this kind of situation as signaling to others that “my comfort is more important than your reality”. Essentially, you’ve projected a rose colored positivity filter onto someone else’s reality and negated their own experience.

Beyond minimizing and masking feelings (both in ourselves and others), forced positivity can eventually create a sense of guilt and shame every time we have one of those pesky “negative” emotions. “I’m a lucky person, I should be grateful for everything that I have. Others have it much worse. There’s no good reason for me to feel this way, I should be happy all the time”. Again, this type of thinking takes our humanness out of the equation, and leaves no room for self-compassion. We stop short of understanding why we feel a certain way and fall straight into a shame spiral.

WAYS TO BRING BALANCE

So, how can we more effectively process our own emotions and be there for the people we love when they are experiencing pain?

Hold space for your emotions. Notice them, acknowledge them, and listen to them. Same goes for friends and family. Sometimes listening and acknowledging is the first step to begin to process a situation and grow from it. Chances are your partner or your friend wants your support more than they want a solution.

Understand that you can hold multiple emotions simultaneously. Humans are complex, and we can’t expect our own feelings to be cut and dry. Give yourself grace when you don’t know how to feel, or are overwhelmed by your emotions.

Take stock of the messaging you are surrounding yourself with. If you think that those positivity social media accounts you follow are contributing to the problem, unfollow them. Don’t let an account dictate your reality.

Learn to be more aware of your thoughts and when you are actively avoiding something. If you’ve accepted a situation and are doing what you can to find positives within it, you’re probably ok. However, if you are avoiding the reality of a situation altogether, it’s time to reevaluate your thought process.

Don’t automatically judge yourself for not “making the best” out of a situation. Life can be hard, and not every situation needs to have something “good” come from it. Sometimes the most productive thing to do is to get through a situation as best you can. Learn what you can, acknowledge what you feel, and move on.

Positivity is double-edged sword. If used properly, it can uplift our spirits and get us out of a funk. But forced positivity can also mask pain and create mental health problems down the line. Next time you hear yourself saying “look at the bright side”, pause for a moment. Check in with yourself. You’re allowed to not be ok.

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Do I Need A Life Coach or Therapist? Breaking Down the Differences

Do I Need a Life Coach or Therapist? Breaking Down the Differences | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

The conversation around mental health has really opened up in the last few years, moving us closer to normalizing getting help. And not only just getting help, but seeking a better understanding of yourself. Both coaching and therapy can be avenues to learn more about yourself and tackle any problems you’re experiencing. So how do you choose which one is right for you? What is the difference? If you’re stuck wondering if you need a therapist or a life coach, this article is for you!

WHERE TO BEGIN?

The first step in determining whether or not your situation is better suited towards a life coach or a licensed therapist is to know the difference between the two. In general, “psychotherapists direct the course of therapy by planning treatment and case management” and “coaches facilitate the client’s accountability in authoring the goals and action steps”, according to an article from the National Library of Medicine. Basically, life coaches can help you make action plans for specific goals and guide you through the process. They focus more on the “how” instead of the “why”.

This can be extremely helpful if you’re looking for help in a specific area. We’ve all experienced times of uncertainty, especially in our careers. Maybe you’re a 20-something that knows the direction you want to head but need a manageable, structured way to get there. Or maybe you don’t know what you want to do at all! A life coach that specializes in careers will help you explore your strengths and set achievable goals to build your confidence. If you’re seeking help with accountability and would like to create a structured plan tailored to you, a life coach might be the way to go!

If you’d like to learn more about coaching, you also might want to check out Carrie Ann’s interview with her own personal ADHD coach, Jane Massengill. Even if you don’t have ADHD it’s a great source for understanding what coaching looks like.

Here’s a list of just a few of the types of life coaches out there:

  • Career
  • Business / Executive
  • Accountability
  • Learning Disorders (ADHD, Dyslexia, etc.)
  • Dating
  • Creativity
  • Health & Wellness

If you are finding that the difficulty with making changes in your life is “due to underlying emotional or relational problems” seeing a therapist might be more effective. Especially if you are experiencing “symptoms, somatic and/or psychological, driven by past experience” (Livingstone, National Library of Medicine). If there’s more to the situation than needing an action plan, or you’d like to explore yourself further, a licensed therapist can help to unravel anything holding you back.

Just like coaches, counselors also have specialties in the way that they approach therapy and treat patients. A therapist can pretty much do all the things a life coach can do, but can also dig deeper into more complex problems. Maybe you need some guidance in your career, but you know that anxiety is an underlying issue that could be affecting your growth. In this case, a therapist might be more beneficial than a life coach. They will be able to give you surefire tools to manage your anxiety while planning a course of action.

A good therapist can generally treat a very wide variety of issues, but some may have specialized training in certain areas. Below are just a few:

  • PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)
  • Relationships
  • Eating disorders
  • Grief
  • EMDR therapy for trauma (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing)

SAY WHAT? THE JARGON

Before you get into the search process, it’s important to understand the types of professional designations in therapy and coaching. Formal training is a big factor in differentiating therapists and coaches, and if you don’t know the jargon it can make the process that much more overwhelming. Looking up what every single acronym means is time consuming and can feel like a job! Luckily we’ve rounded up the terms you’re likely to see over and over again so the information you need is all in one place. Here’s a quick rundown of the most common types of therapists you can expect to find during your search:

Psychiatrist – A Psychiatrist is a medical doctor. They can diagnose psychological conditions and prescribe medication for them, as well as provide psychotherapy.

Psychologist – Some psychologists are research based and stay within the academic field. However, many specialize in counseling and go the route of treating patients. “A clinical or counseling psychologist is a mental health professional who attended graduate school and earned a doctoral degree in clinical psychology or counseling psychology. These degrees are followed by a clinical internship which is then followed by passing national and state exams and, finally, licensure by state” (Forbes).

LMFT – Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists generally treat a wide array of people, but specialize in marriage, relationships, and family dynamics. “Licensure as an LMFT requires a graduate degree, a period of supervised practice, and a two stage examination process” (mft-license.org)

LCSW – Licensed Clinical Social Workers “hold masters degrees and work with individuals and groups to solve mental health and social problems, marshalling skills in both therapy and the traditional practical solutions that social services provide” (humanservicesedu.org).

Life coaches do not require licensing by the state, and therefore do not have a centralized set of standards. However, many life coaches get their designations from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The highest designation is a Master Certified Coach (MCC). According to the ICF, they “are highly trained (200+ hours) and experienced (2,500+ hours) coaches. They have demonstrated knowledge and highly proficient application of the ICF Core Competencies, Code of Ethics, and definition of coaching”.

Finding a coach that is either an MCC or on the path to achieving an MCC designation seems to be the best bet in terms of confirming that the person helping you has undergone rigorous training and upheld a certain standard of practice.

THE SEARCH BEGINS

Now that you’ve determined whether or not you’d like to see a life coach or therapist, it’s time to start the search for one. It can be a daunting task, and is what stops a lot of people from getting help. This is especially true if you’re on the younger side and are laser focused on getting to a point where you are financially stable. Who has time for a therapist? I’ll think about it later when I have a house and a dog. That’s very important, but it doesn’t mean that your self development has to suffer. This is the time to explore, try new things, and get to know yourself. Easier said than done, but it’s all about taking one step at a time.

Below are amazing resources that make finding help as easy as the click of a button.

Psychology Today – This website has it all. Besides being a great resource for learning more about the field of psychology in general, the site has a search tool that allows you find therapists in your zip code. Beyond that, the search engine has a detailed filtering system, so you can narrow down results through specialties, gender, and insurance.

International Coaching Federation – The IFC website has its own database of coaches that all have credentials. If an MCC is too expensive, you can filter to find Associate and Professional Certified Coaches. They may have less professional hours than an MCC but that does not mean that they aren’t skilled at what they do!

Psychologist Locator by the American Psychological Association – If you  have decided that you’d like to see a psychologist, this database is a surefire way to find one with amazing credentials.

Many people also find therapists and coaches through word of mouth. If you have a friend that raves about their therapist, ask if they’d be willing to give you their information. One of the great things about therapy and coaching becoming more mainstream is that it’s so much easier to talk about with your friends. But, don’t be discouraged if you don’t feel a connection with the person they recommend. Sometimes finding the right person takes more than one session, and there’s no “right” way to find help. Hopefully this article gave you the information you need to make an informed decision that is best for your wellbeing. You deserve nothing but the best!

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The Winding Path to Wellness – A Conversation with Author and Health Coach Jim Curtis

The Winding Path to Wellness - A Conversation with Best-Selling Author and Health Coach Jim Curtis | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

Jim Curtis is an author, speaker, health coach, and Head of Business at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. He is a graduate of the Whittemore School of Business at the University of New Hampshire. He has been a wellness pioneer for the last 20 years, helping to develop WebMD, Everyday Health, and Remedy as well as publishing The Stimulati Experience : Nine Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness (Random House).

This article is an excerpt from Carrie Ann’s February 17th, 2022 Instagram Live conversation with Jim Curtis. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Wellness burnout. It’s a thing. When you’re flooded with opinions and options, looking for answers can actually leave you with more questions. The sheer amount of “cures” and information out there can be exhausting to sort through, especially when doctors can’t provide a clear diagnosis. Someone who probably knows this feeling better than most is our latest guest, author and health coach Jim Curtis. His story is fascinating and a testament to his resilience in fighting his invisible illness. Not to mention the persistence needed to advocate for yourself and your health. He’s tried it all, and turned that knowledge into a career in coaching and growing businesses in the health sector. We hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did!

Carrie Ann: My guest today is a really cool guy, and he’s been through a lot. I found him on social media when I came across his TED talk, and at that time I was going through a very, very difficult period. For all my autoimmune sisters and brothers out there, I was going through a really bad flare up. It was around the time that I had taken leave from “The Talk”. And his TED talk really inspired me. It’s called “The Cosmic Algorithm: Deciphering the Signs”. When I watched it, I was deeply moved, and I felt connected to him through his story.

He is a speaker, author, and is the Head Coach and Head of Business at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. His philosophy is really fascinating and it focuses on all facets of life – mental, emotional, spiritual, relationships, and career. I thought you all would love this conversation.

Thank you so much for being here today Jim, I’m very grateful to you for taking the time.

Jim Curtis: I’m so happy to be here, I’ve been watching your conversations. I saw the last one with Fran Drescher and I couldn’t wait to get on this conversation!

Carrie Ann: Thank you! Yeah, we talked about detoxing the home. So I have a nontoxic candle in the background. And I know you know all about detoxing because of your background. But I want to start with how I was introduced to you – I found you on Instagram, and came across your TED talk. I have lupus, fibromyalgia, and Sjogren’s syndrome, and I was in a really terrible flare up. I listened to your TED talk, and you talked about how you had gone through something similar. Would you mind kind starting there and telling people about your story, and how you came into this world of healing?

Jim Curtis: I love connecting with people that are going through chronic illness because I can understand it. There was a time when I was having all these symptoms, including paralysis in my legs, and I could not figure out what it was. I had a lesion on my spinal cord and it was inflamed, but we couldn’t figure out what it was and the treatments weren’t working. It was going on at a point in time where there were no communities to connect with. I was 20 years old – there wasn’t and Instagram or even YouTube where you could find a TED talk. So you felt alone, you felt really alone. You were in what I call survival mode, because you don’t know what’s happening to you. The fear of trying to figure it out just puts you in this survival mode where you shut down some of your emotions, otherwise you’d become so overwhelmed with it. But you still get hit with bouts of fear and a little bit of panic. That went on for me for 15 years, and then finally I was able to get out of it a little bit. I still walk with a little bit of a limp today, I still have some issues, but I’m no longer living in illness.

Carrie Ann: First of all, I’m glad to hear that you’re no longer living in “dis-ease” or illness. But it sounds like it was such an uphill battle for you, and probably took you having to become a seeker of knowledge, wellness, and answers. What was that path like for you?

Jim Curtis: I think you’re probably familiar with this too, you can always keep seeking right?

Carrie Ann: Yes! I’m a seeker.

Jim Curtis: I’m a seeker too. But at the time, I wasn’t a seeker and I just had a type A father and sister, who kept asking “did you go here? Did you go there? You have to go here”. I think I went to hospitals all around the country. Then I started to go to Europe, because I had a good family unit who wouldn’t let me not find out what it was. I think that once you start talking about your illness, especially today, everybody has a guy. Like, “I got a guy for you, you’ve got to see my guy, he cured this”. Everything from energy healing to Western medicine. Everybody always has a recommendation. You can choose to see those people or not. I was luckily in a position where I could say, okay, I’m just gonna say yes to everybody’s guy. I ended up seeing over 200 people, everybody from an Ecuadorian shaman to grandmasters of kung fu, to watsu (a combination of hydrotherapy in warm water and Shiatsu massage) and qigong healers (an ancient Chinese healing method that includes meditation, controlled breathing and movement exercises). I went all over the country and the world, from the Mayo Clinic to the East Village. I just kept searching. I think I found a lot of answers that kind of led me to where I am today.

Carrie Ann: You said you saw over 200 healers and professionals, and I relate to that so much. Right now I’m in the process of Lyme disease treatment. I just had oxygen IV ozone therapy, and it didn’t go so well. I’m kind of in a state of a conundrum right now. Sometimes, there’s so many healers and it can be confusing. From your point of view – because I’m going through it myself right now – what can I do to avoid that kind of confusion? I feel like I should just trust my intuition, but sometimes I get scared to do that.

Jim Curtis: I call it wellness FOMO (fear of missing out). Like, could there be a cure that I’m not willing to try? I’m gonna try it because I don’t want to miss out on that cure! I was doing it because I could, and because I was researching. I wanted to write a book. But at one point, I just said, no, I’m not seeing any more people. You could literally go down this rabbit hole forever, and sometimes you have to just stick with one thing. Even though it’s so enticing when someone says, “I have this new therapy, have you heard about it?”. And you want to just quickly go try it and spend more money and time investigating it. Sometimes you just have to say no, and reduce the amount of information coming into your head so you can focus on a few things that are working for you. That’s what I did.

Carrie Ann: I like that. Keep it small, just reduce, because it can be overwhelming. There are so many options right now. That’s one thing about social media, you have access to everything. I heard you say something about how you’ve got to do research when you’re working with people. Have you ever had a weird experience with a healer?

Jim Curtis: Yes. I believe that wellness is incredibly seductive. In the sense that you can be seduced into bliss. If someone offers you bliss, you want it. When you’re feeling sick, and someone’s like, “I have a solution”, you say, “yes, please can I have a solution”. But not everyone in wellness has good intentions. There’s a real practical side of this, and I learned this a number of times. So of the hundreds of people that I’ve seen, some were true masters and had energy, and some were people that positioned themselves that way to make money. The story that I tell sometimes is during the time period that I was saying yes to everyone, someone said there was a shaman in town who was working magic. It was really hard to get him, so you had to do some weird things. I said alright, fine, I’ll go bring $200 in cash and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. I was like, alright, I’ve done weirder stuff than that.

I find myself in the East Village of New York City in the most rundown building ever, walking with my broken body up six flights of stairs to the top apartment. I’m pulling on the railing, and it literally comes off my hand and I stumble down a couple steps. I finally make it all the way up. The shaman has a translator there who tells me to take off all of my clothes and lay down on this map, and it was pretty dirty in there. I was like, “take off all my clothes, did I understand that right?”. And she says yes. So I did it. I’m laying face down naked while this guy is blowing Marlboro cigarettes across my body and beating me with a burning sage tray. So I just started laughing uncontrollably about the situation I had just gotten myself into. I had to find the humor in it. Because it was so bizarre that I was going through such lengths just to find that person that could heal me, that I started laughing. And of course, they thought that was the cure, that was me dispelling the negative energy. And perhaps I was, even if it wasn’t the intention. That definitely gave me some levity. I left there wrapped in newspaper under my clothes, so I didn’t let out the good energy as he instructed. But yeah, I would never do it again.

Carrie Ann: You left there wrapped in newspaper?

Jim Curtis: Yeah, he had me wrap myself in newspaper and then put my clothes back on. I wasn’t to remove the newspaper or shower for two days. So I went to work like that, crinkling every time I walked, and it didn’t work. Needless to say I wasn’t cured, but it was definitely enlightening in that you have to be careful. You have to be prudent.

Carrie Ann: That might be the best story I’ve heard. And I have experienced some very odd things. So I think I you win. I do love the levity of it all. I mean, I think that laughter is good medicine. Sometimes you do need those, as you said in your TED Talk, perfect place, perfect time moments. It’s sort of like that was a perfect place, perfect time for you to remember, okay, wait, maybe I don’t need to go see every single healer. And maybe the newspaper thing isn’t quite what I’m looking for. Maybe I need to trust myself a little bit more.

Something that I liked about your book, “The Stimulati Experience: Nine Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness”, was how it’s written in your voice, which is a masculine voice. This is a voice we don’t often hear in the world of autoimmune disease. There’s not a lot of people out there who speak openly about this. You talked about hating yourself, and that you got to the place where you were in gratitude for your chronic illness. Now, that’s quite a journey. First of all, thank you for saying you hated yourself, because I think you gave me permission to honor the feelings within myself and everybody else who read your book. That’s a big part of this process. It’s okay to feel those feelings, but I love that you give us tools to get to the other side. What was that process like for you?

Jim Curtis: First you have to recognize that oh, my god, I really dislike myself, I hate myself, I’m not being good to myself, right? Because a lot of us do. The way we look at ourselves in the mirror can really cultivate low self-esteem. It’s a question of how do you get beyond that? One is awareness, you have to recognize that that’s what I’m doing to myself. That’s how I feel about myself. Now, how can I feel better about it? A lot of it is having some grace with yourself, finding the things that you actually like about yourself, and interrupting the negative talk. Literally asking yourself, “would I say this to my best friend?”. Also, it’s about doing the things that you say that you’ll do to build self-esteem. Oftentimes, when we begin to really dislike ourselves or feel not good enough, or just completely inadequate, we don’t do the things we say we’ll do. So just taking those small steps will increase your self-esteem amazingly.

In fact, in the “Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden, he talks about this. He gets into how you raise your self-esteem, and oftentimes it’s by living in integrity and doing the things that you say you’ll do. And then having a little bit of grace with yourself in terms of what you think that you’re faltering on. Then if you want to get to the metaphysical, you can create a fire burning ceremony, you could change your energy, you can do all the fun stuff, but there are really practical things to it.

Carrie Ann: Those are the things that I like to keep in my back pocket, like honoring your word. You could also read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I think he talks about having integrity with your word. What I’m learning more and more in this world of wellness and health, is that we’re all saying the same thing, just in a slightly different way. This is what I find so fascinating about what you do, because you are Head Coach and Head of Business at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. You guys create health coaches. I think this is what the world needs, because people are understanding that health takes effort, attention, and awareness. I believe it’s a right, a god given natural born right to have wellness. But I think that we weren’t taught how much work it takes, and people are now starting to see that.

I want to go back real quickly, because I’m fascinated by this one aspect of your journey. As a man who went through what you did, was it harder for you to be more open about it, because men are expected to be strong? I know that’s a very traditional thought and outdated. Have you experienced that?

Jim Curtis: Yeah, I have. I think it’s opening up a little bit more, there’s almost a renaissance of men being able to be vulnerable and get out of this kind of protector / provider paradigm. But when I was sick, I would actually tell people that I walked with a limp because I was in a motorcycle accident. It was more macho, and I didn’t have to be vulnerable. No one would ask me questions about my illness. I didn’t have to talk about it. It was this way of like being a macho man, instead of saying, well, you know, this is what I’m really dealing with. This is how it’s affecting me emotionally. Luckily, I feel like those things are changing a little bit. You have a lot of people on Instagram that are opening up and becoming more vulnerable men. But yeah, as a man that’s expected to be the protector and provider, it was hard.

Carrie Ann: Well thank you for being a path opener for people, and opening doors for people to talk. You were way ahead of your time.

What do you guys think about Jim’s story? Leave us a comment below if something in particular resonated with you! There are so many nuggets of wisdom to take from this interview. Wellness burnout might be unavoidable in your own path to health, but people like Jim have been creating ways to avoid the pitfalls and unnecessary trips to shamans.

For more information on health coaches and classes at IIN, follow the links below!

The Institute for Integrative Nutrition Classes

The Stimulati Experience: Nine Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness

His TED Talk

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Do We Need Health Coaches Now More Than Ever? A Conversation with Jim Curtis, Head Health Coach at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition

Do We Need Health Coaches More Now Than Ever? A Conversation with Health Coach and Author Jim Curtis | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

Jim Curtis is an author, speaker, health coach, and Head of Business at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. He is a graduate of the Whittemore School of Business at the University of New Hampshire. He has been a wellness pioneer for the last 20 years, helping to develop WebMD, Everyday Health, and Remedy as well as publishing “The Stimulati Experience : Nine Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness” (Random House).

This article is an excerpt from Carrie Ann’s February 17th, 2022 Instagram Live conversation with Jim Curtis. It has been edited for length and clarity.

The path to becoming a healthier version of you can be confusing, and at times, scary. We are constantly inundated with the latest cure-all trends, fad diets, and practices that all claim to be the answer. The truth is, what works for some people may not work for you, and the popularity of the wellness space has inherently attracted people who are solely interested in your money. Without guidance, it can feel like navigating a minefield. Enter experienced professionals who have tried it all so you don’t have to, or health coaches. These are the people that schools like the Institute for Integrative Nutrition train, and the demand for them has only been growing. So, what exactly is a health coach? What is their role in your wellness journey? Jim Curtis, the Head Coach at IIN, was kind enough to give us an overview of his profession and why health coaching involves a lot more than just diet.

Carrie Ann: I think people are starting to discover how vulnerable we are as people after two years of living with this pandemic. I’m so excited to share what you do, because I think people are going to be much more in need of health coaches. Could you explain a little bit about the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, and if you think there’s going to be a boom in the need for health coaching?

Jim Curtis: Oh, there already is. Health coaching is one of the fastest growing professions. Right now, the American Medical Association has health coaching under review for CPT codes, which is how you would get reimbursed by insurance. It should be reimbursed as a health insurance benefit within a year. When that happened with chiropractors, acupuncturists, and masseuses, those professions boomed as well. And that’s kind of what’s happening with coaching right now. It’s become very mainstream, and there’s thousands of new coaches because there’s millions of people that need it. And we have a tidal wave of wellness opportunities.

Coaches really serve as the guide that helps you with the plan and then the next steps. What do I buy in the grocery store? There’s 13 different gluten free options. Which one should I buy? Where do I go? Should I do red light therapy or cryo therapy? Should I do vegan or paleo or keto or vegetarian? A health coach is really there to guide you. We as a school have been training the best health coaches for the last 30 years. So the training is not just about food. There’s a lot of schools that have a functional nutrition training, but we train you about the mental, emotional, career, and relationship aspects of your mindset. And we pioneered that.

Carrie Ann: I’ve heard you speak about food as not just what you put in your mouth, but as all the different sorts of nutrition for living a life of wellness. It’s about relationships and community among other things, right?

Jim Curtis: Yeah, everything feeds us. Your relationships feed you, your career feeds you, everything feeds you. It starts with the primary foods, and then you can start to look at what foods are actually on your plate that you’re eating. We say food changes everything. If you’re in a relationship, and it’s feeding you in a healthy way, then that changes everything about you. Then when you get to food, it really does change everything. You know how you feel when you drink a cup of coffee versus a glass of wine. The food that you eat literally turns into your blood and your cells and it creates you. So there are two components – there’s the mental or emotional, and there is the physical – and we focus on both.

Carrie Ann: I think that’s really important, and I think this is what people are looking for right now. They’re looking for real answers, and the real answers are multi-dimensional. It’s not just one lane. It’s not just food, it’s your relationships. In your book, The Stimulati Experience, you talk about your own trauma and how you got out of it. For somebody who’s [reading] this right now that might be in a place of trauma or fear, what are some tips that you would share with them?

Jim Curtis: I would say recognize the story that you’re telling yourself. Meaning, oftentimes, we get caught in trauma loops of the story that we’re telling ourselves, and we think that we think that we’re caught in the movie, instead of watching the movie. And that we can’t change anything. The first thing is to change the way you’re thinking in terms of your awareness of it. When you feel yourself spiraling, try to pull yourself out of it.

You can do a number of things, like going for a walk, talking to a friend, or just moving. I used to take a shower, and I wouldn’t realize that the water had been beating on my back for 15 minutes because I had been just obsessing over something. Now I can kind of click myself out of that by moving, turning the water cold, or getting out of the shower. So let’s first identify and break the pattern. And the second thing is there are so many resources you can get form group or community. For example, The Institute for Integrative Nutrition is a community of people that study together, work together, and learn together. And you can do it all online, but you still have your groups, you have your phone calls, and other things. Get into a community because it takes a village, it really does. And when you’re in a great community, your relationships are everything. Those are two ways that I really love.

Carrie Ann: Yeah, relationships and community have been hard in the last couple of years. I feel like those opportunities are actually starting to open up again, and we’re being able to connect with people. Even if we can’t connect with people in person, as you said, you have a you have an online course coming up.

Jim Curtis: Yeah, we have a course opening up now. If anybody’s interested in that they should call or go to integrativenutrition.com. That’s the best way you can speak to a graduate, who is also an admissions coach. It’s a really amazing experience even if you don’t want to be a health coach, it’s so transformative for yourself. Most people do it because they want to start coaching themselves, their family, or their friends. And then they realize, wow, I could really be of service with this, and they become health coaches. But oftentimes, it starts with just wanting to change their lives.

Carrie Ann: And there’s also a course in April, right?

Jim Curtis: There’s another course that starts April 25, if you don’t want to do March. We have nine starts a year, and those are the next two.

Carrie Ann: What I think is so wonderful about your school and what it’s doing, is that even if you don’t want to become a health coach, you learn how to do something that makes you a better person. So that you can show up better in this world, and in your own life feel better about yourself. And then, as we’ve talked about, like it’s a ripple effect, right? Once you’re feeling good, your vibes spread, and then you feel good because you helped other people feel good. I truly believe that we’re all energy, and that we’re all ultimately saying the same thing – that we are all connected. And when we do things that help ourselves or help other people, we’re helping everything. I love this contribution that you guys are putting into the world. Thank you so much Jim.

You guys, he has so much information, you have no idea. I just want to read a little passage from his book, “The Stimulati Experience: Nine Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness” . On page 113, he says “I realized that everybody has a story and people are in different parts of their story. No matter where they were. Their story became a great catalyst for me to get to the place of thinking if they can do it, so can I”. He goes on to say, “being with other people and being infused with the inspiration of personal stories, I felt more hopeful and ready to overcome the obstacles in my life”.

This is something that is so inspiring, and it is the reason why I’m doing Carrie Ann Conversations as well.

What is your opinion on health coaching? Would you be willing to try it? Let us know in the comments below! There are so many ways out there to get the help that you need, and the first step is always to ask for it. One of the greatest qualities of the internet is the community and support you can find. As Jim said, it takes a village. There’s no reason to suffer alone or in silence. We hope this conversation gave you something new to consider in your own journey to wellness!

For more information and resources from Jim Curtis, follow the links below:

The Institute for Integrative Nutrition Classes

“The Stimulati Experience: Nine Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness“

His TED Talk

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How to Do Wellness in Your 20s – A Simple and Effective Guide

How to Do Wellness in Your 20s - A Simple and Effective Guide | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

It’s easy to look at the wellness trends out there and think “I don’t have time for that”. Especially when social media perpetuates a kind of perfection that just doesn’t exist. We’ve all seen the TikToks or posts that outline someone’s flawless daily wellness routine, otherwise known as the “that girl” trend. You’ve seen that girl all over the internet – she eats clean, lives in the mid-century modern apartment of your dreams, makes a perfect matcha latte, and has all the time in the world for self-care. Meanwhile, you’re on the verge of turning your closet into a sea of black turtlenecks a la Elizabeth Holmes just to get an extra 5 minutes of sleep.

Fortunately, there are easy ways to incorporate wellness into your life that are attainable and effective. If you’re a 20-something in the middle of building your career and think you just don’t have the time, let me change your mind. Wellness isn’t about making the “right” choices all the time – it’s about making the choices that feel right to you. Here are 8 simple ways you can take advantage of your free time to better your mind, body, and soul.

Take a walk around the block at lunch time or get a change of scenery

  • Stepping out into the sunshine will not only help to keep your circadian rhythm on track, which will make sleep easier, it’ll also give you a necessary change of scenery. Sometimes you just need to get away from your desk for 5 minutes. There’s a reason Einstein went on frequent walks. Be more like Einstein.
  • Walks are also a great way to practice mindfulness. One way to do this is to actively pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the trees, the grass, the cars, etc. This is a great trick to use anywhere, at any time, to bring your attention to the present.

Journal for 5 minutes before bed or when you wake up

  • We’ve all heard about gratitude journaling, but it really does help to shift your mindset. If 5 minutes feels like too long, try timing yourself for a minute. Write down anything that pops into your mind. By reframing your thoughts you’ll set yourself up to create the work/life balance you want
  • If you’d like to do more self reflection or have trouble following through with self-care, more intentional journaling can help you to hold yourself accountable. Here are some quick prompts that are great for any day:
    • What are the small steps I’m taking this week to achieve my long term goals? What am I doing this week outside of anything work related?
    • The parts of my day that I enjoyed the most and the least were…
    • An ideal wellness routine looks like this to me…What would help me to achieve this?
    • What do I wish I had more time for and how can I realistically make time?
    • What did I do to take care of myself today? If I didn’t do anything, what stopped me?
    • This is what I would tell a friend if he/she was struggling to take time for their mental health right now…

Meditate for 5 mins while you sip your morning coffee

  • If you’re not a morning person, this can be a great way to start the day off slowly. There are so many great apps out there that have a meditation for everything you can think of. Check out our article on Carrie Ann’s favorite meditation leaders here for some suggestions.

Schedule in breaks during the day and set reminders on your phone

  • If you’re guilty of plowing through your work without taking adequate breaks, you might want to try setting reminders. Taking the time to get more water, a snack, or text your friend back can allow you to approach the rest of your work with fresh eyes.

Commit to exercising a couple days a week before or after work

  • Don’t set overwhelming goals. Even committing to two days a week is something.
  • This could be something as easy as doing a 15 minute YouTube workout.

Add one calming aspect to your night

  • If you don’t already have a nightly routine, stick in one calming activity that you can easily incorporate every night. Maybe it’s skincare, a cup of tea, or getting through a chapter of the book that’s been sitting on your nightstand. Again, wellness is one step at a time.

Schedule fun during the week

  • Make plans to get dinner with a friend or your partner after work, or throw caution to the wind and see a movie on a Wednesday night. It’s unhealthy to get stuck in the mindset of living for the weekends. There are 5 other days to have fun too!

Use PTO for mental health days if you need to

  • Sometimes you need a real break. If you have piles of unused PTO (paid time off), don’t hesitate to use it for a mental health day. Your coworkers will thank you later.

Adding in moments of healthy you-time is essential to your mental health and ultimately the success of your career. You don’t want to wait until you’re burnt out. It takes a lot less effort and time than you may think to get big results. Our generation tends to place a lot of importance on “success”, and we’ve been working ever since we knew what a college application was to chase this dream. Now is the time to create healthy habits so we can look back at our 20s and know we lived them to the fullest. Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider trying one of these tips before you do an Elizabeth Holmes to your closet.

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The Link Between Trauma & Toxic Relationships – A Conversation with Life Coach Lisa A. Romano

The Link Between Childhood Trauma and Toxic Relationships - A Conversations with Life Coach Lisa A. Romano | CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS

Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in codependency and narcissistic abuse. Through her personal struggles, she has found a way out of the confusion a codependent mind can be. She is a best-selling author, YouTuber, and was voted the number one most influential person of 2020 by Digital Journal.

This article is an excerpt from my Jan.27th, 2022 Instagram Live conversation with Lisa A. Romano. It has been edited for length and clarity. To watch the full video, click here.

The beginning of quarantine seemed to put a magnifying glass on everything that was working – or not working – in our lives. While some welcomed the uninterrupted time with our families, many felt the immense strain the pandemic put on their relationships. This was especially true, and in some cases still is, for people in the midst of unhealthy, abusive, or toxic relationships. During Carrie Ann’s conversation with life coach Lisa A. Romano, they talked about how to handle these types of situations, the childhood traumas that may have led to them, and her own experience as a codependent in a relationship. The talk was so informative and it’s clear that anyone can benefit from the self-reflection and self-love she preaches.

Carrie Ann: For those people who aren’t familiar but are so curious about this topic, could you tell them what a breakthrough life coach is? And what type of people seek out your assistance?

Lisa A. Romano: Well, I’m a life coach. And actually, it was one of my clients who came up with the term breakthrough life coach, because she said, “Lisa, I didn’t know that my childhood programming, my subconscious mind was affecting the way that I think. And every time I speak to you, I have a breakthrough, and another breakthrough, and it’s a breakthrough. And it’s like an elevation in my consciousness, and I feel lighter”. That’s how I adopted Breakthrough Life Coach.

As far as the types of people that seek me out, generally, these are people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. They’ve tried traditional therapy, lots of them. They’ve been in therapy 10, 15, 20 years, and they just can’t make the connection between the subconscious and the conscious. They resonate with my work. There are people who come from traumatic backgrounds, oftentimes narcissistic parents, or they’re in a narcissistic relationship.

Unfortunately in traditional therapy, the therapist doesn’t always understand narcissistic abuse. Codependency is not in the DSM. So even though you could be running your life like a codependent and you could be attracting narcissist after narcissist, it’s not in the DSM. So when someone like me comes on and does a bunch of YouTube videos, Instagram and Facebook lives, and writes books, all of a sudden the information begins to resonate. It’s all encompassing. My work encompasses the way you were brought up in childhood, how this affected you, and why you feel the way you feel. This is why you think the way you think. And this is why you attract what you attract. Now let’s see if we can break through.

Carrie Ann: You know, as I’ve listened to you over the years, one of the things that I love the most about you is how you helped me to have language for what I was going through. I didn’t understand what a narcissist was, what a codependent was, and I didn’t know that my conscience was at play. Learning all of these words helped me shape them into smaller, more digestible compartments. You give so much information, and I love that you just keep giving it in slightly different angles. I think the way you’re so consistent in your messaging and what you’re trying to help people with is probably the reason why you were voted most influential person of 2020 by Digital Journal. And that was the year the pandemic started as well. What did you notice when the pandemic started as far as what people were reaching out for help with?

Lisa A. Romano: It just broke my heart. Because what happened was people were stuck home with alcoholics. They couldn’t escape. So they were dealing with various levels of narcissism, various levels of verbal abuse, psychological abuse, and the children were being more abused because no one could escape. The mental health issue that this has created is astronomical. I don’t think we understand the scope of what’s happened during this pandemic with psychological abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence and child abuse.

So lots of people were reaching out to me, that’s why I did a bunch of YouTube live streams during that time, because it was just, I feel it, like okay, let’s get some life skills here. Like don’t poke the bear if you’re stuck in quarantine with a narcissist. Don’t poke the bear. Right, like tread lightly because you can’t escape. They’re like caged lions, and they regulate through dominating, dominating the children and the people in the home. You don’t want to, not now, not when you’re in a pandemic. So those are the types of emails that I got from people. I’m stuck, now, what do I do?

Carrie Ann: So, the advice for people who are stuck and can’t create the distance that would be more healthy for them, don’t poke the bear. Are there any other bits of advice that you would give them besides don’t poke the bear?

Lisa A. Romano: I would say don’t poke the bear, and you have to understand your dynamic and be very logical during this situation. If you’re highly emotional, that’s not going to work. So meditate, calm yourself, regulate yourself, ground yourself to everything you can to take care of yourself. Don’t tell the narcissist that you’re taking care of yourself, because that’s a threat. This happens between your head and your heart, and with yourself. You don’t share this with anybody. Be very careful about what information you share with a narcissist if you’re quarantined with a narcissist. Get a support system but don’t tell them, because everything’s a threat. I think you have to tread very lightly when you’re stuck in a relationship. Also, I think it’s very important not to lie because a narcissist is, believe it or not, very tuned to you. They sense when you’re lying. So it’s probably better not to lie than it is to lie. Because if they sense that you’re lying, that will make them feel out of control. I think you have to be very, very careful in these situations.

Carrie Ann: Oh, that’s really fantastic advice for people. I can imagine that if you’re trapped at home with a narcissist, or someone who has narcissistic tendencies on the spectrum of narcissism, that it’s very scary. So this is for all of those who are in that situation. Please go to lisaaromano.com for more information because she’s got a wealth of it. It’s a difficult time and it can help you understand your situation and deal with it.

You said you identify as a former codependent, and you described it as a loss of selfhood. Could you explain that more?

Lisa A. Romano: You know, I love this work. Because if you do this work the right way, you will dive into your spiritual self, your psychological self, your vibrational self, your chemical self, you’ll touch on everything. So for children, in order for me to know that I have a self psychologically, oh, who is Lisa, I needed my parents to mirror back this sense that Lisa had a self. But it gets a little fuzzy because a child identifies self with how they feel. So what happens if I get taught that what I feel is irrelevant? What happens if my parents are self-absorbed and not attuned to me? The feelings that I have never get validated. Therefore I can’t attach to the self. My feelings that I’m experiencing on the inside are connected to myself. I know that I have a self through the way that I feel. But if I’m violated, if I’m told that your feelings are ridiculous – you’re a drama queen just looking for attention – then I’m thinking now I need to detach from my feelings. Because mommy and daddy say they’re bad. I have no self. Who are you outside of how you feel, and how you experience the world? If the information you receive from the outside is “it’s inappropriate. Don’t trust what you think. You’re wrong, you shouldn’t feel that way. You have no right to feel that way”, you disowned the self. So you’re a shell of a person.

When you go out in the world, this abandonment wound is still there. It’s a longing, it’s an aching to feel warm, connected, and cared for. It doesn’t go away. Because it’s linked to survival. It’s part of my default mechanism. I must hit that milestone. Therefore I’m codependent. But because of everything that’s happened to me, I believe that my worth is conditional. That’s my programming. So the gaping wound is there. This aching is there. Then there’s programming. If I take care of people, maybe they won’t hurt me. Maybe they won’t leave me. And that becomes a program and a way of life. And I don’t even know I’m doing it.

Carrie Ann: My heart breaks when we talk about this. So many of us have gone through this. You know, my mom was just here for the holidays. We were so grateful to see her after so much time and passed. And we worked on healing ourselves. I said there was a pattern of this in our family, and she was saying all she really wants is warmth. And you just mentioned that. So I asked, “for you Mom, what exactly is warmth?”. Even as she described it, I felt it. It’s the feeling of being safe, and loved, and worthy. Which is what you’re talking about, the selfhood. And that your worth comes from being.

Lisa A. Romano: You know, most parents screw up. It’s not their fault. It’s tough. You’re paying a mortgage, you have marital problems, you have your own trauma, and you’re just trying to get through the day. And I think a lot of people think that children aren’t wise, yet they’re wiser than we are. They know how you feel. They know what they need. They know how they feel, and that needs to be honored, and parents need to attune themselves to the children. What happens far too often is the children are attuning themselves to the parents.

That’s where the vibrational reality comes in. You are a vibrational being, you are an energetic being. So if Mommy is stressed, little baby Mary’s stressed. She has to be stressed in order to feel one with her mother. And that’s just biological. Children have to attune themselves. If there’s trauma or unpredictability in a home, the child can’t relax in that. The child has to be on guard, he has to be hyper vigilant. They have to attune themselves to the parents, but it should be the other way. Parents should be calm. And if a child is in duress, the parents should soothe the child. If the parent doesn’t soothe the child, the child never learns how to self-regulate.

Carrie Ann: How do we get past the wanting to judge the quote unquote failure on their part? Maybe it isn’t failure, it’s just everyone doing their best. And thanks to you, our generation and generations after us will have so much more language around this and that is the beauty. How do we not judge though?

Lisa A. Romano: One of the things that I teach in my 12 week breakthrough coaching program is that the first four weeks are all about you. I need to know what happened to you; you need to know what happened to you. There’s going to be a part of you that wants to say “and it’s their fault”. And I say, “let’s just figure out the piece of the piece of the puzzle that is you. Let’s just figure out the piece. Let’s not judge, but let’s just honor whatever happened to you”. Right? I do think, however, we need to pin the tail on the donkey psychologically. In other words, I was a victim of my mother’s immaturity, she was 19 when she had me. Her personality wounded me; I was a victim. I was an innocent little child.

However, I know that by the time people finish my class, they know that that’s not the goal. In other words, they know that forgiveness, letting go, and surrendering to what is, so that you can move into a state of wisdom, is the goal. My higher self doesn’t judge my mother. God, whatever your God is, doesn’t judge. Just accepts and surrenders. This is a holographic universe. What happens in one generation happens in the next generation, until someone in that family line awakens and breaks through. That’s just the way it is.

Did Lisa unlock any insights about your own past? Let us know if something resonated with you in the comments. We’d love to hear from you! She has so much knowledge, and you can get a glimpse of what her coaching is like on Insight Timer and YouTube. You don’t have to go far to find answers these days!

For more resources and information on Lisa, click the links below:

Her website

Her 12 week course

Her books  – “I suggest you read my books in the following order,: The Road Back To Me, My Road Beyond the Codependent Divorce, Codependent Now What? It’s Not You-It’s Your Programming, Quantum Tools To Help You Heal Your Life Now, and Loving The Self Affirmations 1 & 2.” – Lisa A. Romano