Similar to other personality tests like the Myers Briggs, the Enneagram can inform us on details about our inner selves, grouping individuals according to their underlying needs and desires. Because the Enneagram is good at diagnosing our inner motivations, fears and blind spots, it can make a great tool for learning more about how to better care for ourselves. The longer I’ve been learning about the Enneagram, the more empathy and compassion I’ve gained, not just for others but also for my own strengths and limitations as well.
Everyone is different, and each person has different ways of coping with the demands of daily life. Because of this, we all have different paths to peace and different obstacles lying in the way. The Enneagram can help us better understand what these paths and obstacles look like for each of us as we work to provide ourselves with the version of care that suits us the best. Here are a few suggestions for what your self care might look like according to your Enneagram type.
If you don’t know your Enneagram type, you can take a test here to find out and read more about the basics of each type in our earlier post.
Type 1: The Reformer
As a One, you can often find yourself tempted to prioritize checking experiences off of your list rather than being fully present in them, and can feel a deep need to do things perfectly. Spend time on a hobby or creative pursuit that doesn’t have an objective to it, like an art form you enjoy or a low-pressure craft. This will allow your mind to find a little peace while still leaning into your productive nature.
Type 2: The Helper
As an Enneagram Two, you’re naturally driven to minimize your own needs and value to look after others. As uncomfortable as it might sound, try asking one loved one to tell you the things they love about you and take the time to appreciate that you are worth more to the people around you than simply what you’re able to provide.
Type 3: The Achiever
Threes are talented at sticking to their strengths and knowledge bases because they often enjoy being the most competent person in the room. Give yourself permission to get out of your comfort zone and pick up an interest or activity that you’ve always been curious about but that you might not be perfect at. Allowing yourself to act on your own desires instead of reacting to others’ input is a valuable reminder of your self worth.
Type 4: The Individualist
As a Four on the Enneagram, you might find yourself letting everyday tasks and responsibilities slip through your fingers, either because you feel overwhelmed at all there is to do or because you find it hard to see the point to menial tasks. Today, do one thing you’ve been putting off to show yourself it’s almost never as bad or difficult as you’ve built it up to be.
Type 5: The Investigator
Because Fives value their independence so much, they exert a lot of effort to make sure they have “enough:” enough energy, alone time, rest, and resources. Take a little time to do something that challenges this mentality of scarcity: spend extra time on the phone with a friend or opt into a group chat even if you’re on the fence about it. It can be nice to push back against the anxiety that convinces you you’re in danger of running out of your stockpile.
Type 6: The Loyalist
A common Six mindset is “everything will be fine as long as I stay vigilant.” Sixes might be more talented at foreseeing and avoiding setbacks because of this, but it can be so exhausting to move through life thinking that the safety of your world rests on every choice you make. Set aside some time to turn your phone off- yes, off– and read a book, take a bath, or do anything else to show yourself that everything will be okay even if you’re not on the lookout.
Type 7: The Enthusiast
An Enneagram Seven’s strength is their inspiring love of freedom and capacity for joy. But this desire for freedom means they’re naturally avoidant of pain and negativity. One of a Seven’s biggest weaknesses is a tendency to chase distraction rather than face difficult realities. It might sound uncomfortable, but dedicate some quiet time for yourself to journal, meditate, or just reflect without distractions and see what good comes from making an effort to meet yourself on a deeper level.
Type 8: The Challenger
As an Eight on the Enneagram, you present a strong front to the world and prioritize being decisive and confident while standing up for those with less power than you. This can mean that you have an aversion to ever appearing weak or vulnerable, making it hard for you to express the ways the world affects you. Take some time, whether it’s to yourself via journaling or with a trusted friend, and be honest about hurts you’ve experienced and any exhaustion or burnout you’re facing.
Type 9: The Peacemaker
Nines are one of the most empathic types in the Enneagram, able to relate to almost anyone and provide them with a safe space. Nines are some of the best listeners, and truest friends, in the world, but it can come at a cost. As a Nine you might have a hard time setting boundaries or expressing your own needs and instead might suppress them to avoid conflict with others. Rather than continually shrinking to provide for others, take time to set some definitive boundaries for yourself, whether it’s declining a phone call when you feel tired or saying no to an obligation.
The Enneagram can be such an amazing tool to gain self knowledge and evaluate the things you need the most. I hope your type gives you some insight today into a part of your personality you’ve never considered before, or helps you find a new way to help yourself achieve peace, rest and comfort.
In this year it’s often been hard to see the passing of time or check off any benchmarks; many of our days have all looked the same for months, which can make it difficult to see progress or set goals or even just feel time passing. Despite all of these challenges, the New Year can still offer the perfect opportunity both literally and symbolically to start over fresh; it’s a chance to wave goodbye to this past year and look toward the future with intention and hope. If you’re looking for a new goal or meditation to take on for the coming year, why not start by looking at your Enneagram? Your Enneagram type can offer so many insights into your deeper needs and outlook, and that makes it a great tool for creating intentions for yourself.
Enneagram Type 1s tend to have a need for completion and can think of their goals, ambitions and daily lives in somewhat rigid terms. This tendency to check off boxes can make you feel uncomfortable in grey areas where there’s no clear end date or benchmarks, but these grey areas can have a lot to offer. Try making some more subjective goals this year, whether it’s learning an instrument or getting outside more or being more open in communication and see that even goals that don’t fit into boxes can add value to your life.
Type 2: Be Upfront About Your Expectations.
A lot of times as an Enneagram Type 2, you’ll hear that your fatal flaw is that you care too much about others and don’t speak up enough about your own needs. This is completely true and something you should always watch out for; Type 2s are often quite sacrificial and this can be a strength and a weakness. However, what’s often forgotten when we talk about Type 2s is that there’s another dimension to their selfless acts. You think of others often, but truthfully you’ve probably noted when someone doesn’t do the same for you more than once. 2s gauge how much they are loved by how others reciprocate their affection, as do many of us, but they rarely make this expectation known. 2s might shy away from letting their loved ones know about these expectations out of a fear of looking selfish or high maintenance. While this is admirable, being upfront about your own needs, and your expectations, is truly a gift you can give others as well as your self. It can help your loved ones to care for you more effectively and precisely.
3. Define Your Own Image of Success.
Enneagram Type 3s have a super-powered ability to excel wherever they find themselves, but often have a tendency to define success on others’ terms. Spend some time thinking about what your best self would look like to you and only you and reflect on what you would be doing if you had only yourself to impress. Would anything be different? See where that line of thought leads you and notice the places it contrasts goals or images you’ve pursued in the past.
4. Embrace Your Connections As Well As Your Individuality.
Thoughtful, intense, and deeply individualistic, Type 4s have a need to separate themselves from everyone else and demonstrate their uniqueness. The emphasis on individuality can also leave you feeling isolated. Meditate on the ways you are similar to others, even if it feels threatening at first. Finding common ground with others doesn’t make you less special and it might help you feel less alone in challenging times.
5. Prioritize Needs Other Than Self-Preservation
As an Enneagram Type 5, you have a deep passion for accruing knowledge and storing it for later. This can also be your approach to other resources, including your time and energy. 5s tend to approach the world from a place of self-protection, worrying that others might try to take something away from them. This new year, try thinking about what you have to gain from the world instead. If you haven’t prioritized physical experiences as much as mental ones, try making a pact to visit a beautiful path or trail once a week or start doing yoga. If you’ve been neglecting your relationships, try investing in them and see if they leave you with more than you had instead of less.
6. Strive To Look Beyond Your First Impressions.
Because you often seek security above everything, you can have a tendency towards thinking in black and white and trying to label things as good or bad right away. This is handy for survival but not always necessary- open yourself up to learn more about a person or situation before forming a snap judgement and notice that you do often have time to come to more informed conclusions instead of running with your first instinct.
7. Embrace The Mundane
The Enthusiasts of the Enneagram, Type 7s love nothing more than the freedom to fly from one exciting experience to the next. While this means there’s rarely a dull moment, this impulse to speed past moments that are slow or uncomfortable (or boring!) can mean you might miss out on some experiences worth having. See how it feels to sit in moments that aren’t incredible or ineffable but are just simple or quiet or nice; if you treasure them, consider how you approach or prioritize experiences accordingly.
8. Consider the Value of Empathy in Your Relationships
If you’re an Enneagram Type 8, you’ve likely prided yourself on calling others out for their B.S. in the past. 8s can see themselves as the ones who call things as they see them which can cause them to view others who hedge or speak vaguely as “fake.” Yes, honesty and candor are important and admirable traits, but the best path forward might not always require these at full power. Sometimes, it can be better to let someone go uninterrogated for any number of reasons where confronting them might not be kind or constructive. There’s a difference between acting fake and acting with kindness and empathy, and some situations might call for a less blunt approach.
9. Create and Protect Your Boundaries
Type 9s are called Mediators for a reason. You’re extremely talented at accommodating others and repressing any parts of yourself that could cause conflict; this makes you an excellent friend but can often put you in situations where others ask too much of you without thinking. Because 9s are so used to becoming what they need to be for others, they can grow numb to the voice inside stating their own needs— try to make it a priority to listen to and stand up for this voice when it asks for space, time, or the option to say no. Setting boundaries with others can be scary, but your needs are as valid as anyone else’s.
The New Year is always a great opportunity to evaluate where we’ve come from and look toward the future, conceiving of a better, more realized version of ourselves. This could be the perfect time to hear what the Enneagram is trying to tell you and use it to inform another year of growth, learning and evolution.
Made up of nine archetypes, the Enneagram is a personality test that can reveal so much about a person’s perspective, needs, desires, and preconceived notions about the world. If you don’t know your type, here’s an easy rundown of each of them and a test to determine your own. Nicknamed “the Helper,” Enneagram Type 2 is notorious for putting others before themselves and minimizing their own needs for the good of their loved ones. Type 2s make amazing friends; they’re often the first to remember a milestone, expend emotional energy to make someone happy, lend a hand when it’s needed or have an extra snack on hand.
While so many of the 2’s characteristics are good things, their drive to look after others can become harmful. If a 2 isn’t careful about self care they can start to believe that they’re only as valuable as their last good deed or take it immensely to heart when their more grandiose gestures aren’t reciprocated. Type 2s are more susceptible to negative self talk than some other types; when they forget to check in with their own self worth, they can start to believe that nobody really wants them around and can start trying to”earn” their place in relationships by overcompensating and spending more emotional energy than they can spare.
Enneagram Type 2s have a tendency to minimize their own struggles, so much so that their loved ones might not even realize anything is wrong at all. As a 2, some of the most important work you can do is affirming that you matter even when you’re not contributing anything. Getting comfortable taking up space in your relationships rather than avoiding ever “being a burden” might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s crucial in your journey to actualization.
Here are a few ideas for a gift to get yourself as a reminder that you’re worth it!
You’ve got an abundance of nurturing energy; why not invest some of it in yourself and in a few live plants? Services like Succulent Studios will send you two curated 8-week-old succulents every month that you can plant around your home for a burst of fresh life. Gardening is some of the best alone time there is, so you’ll also be cultivating your connection with your inner self while investing love in your new plants.
As an Enneagram Type 2, you care about your friends like it’s your job. You like to keep up with your loved ones’ milestones. Whether they’re happy ones like birthdays and achievements or losses that require kindness and support, you want to be the first one to remember and offer a kind word. Keep track of the cards you plan on sending months in advance with this organizer.
It’s easy for Enneagram Type 2s to feel like they’re only valid when they’re in service to someone else; because they’re so focused on the needs of others, it can be hard for them to care about or recognize their own needs. Spend a little time each day forcing yourself to think about yourself and your own desires. Good self love is the only path to loving others well.
If this quarantine has had you scheduling weekly calls with your BFFS, and your friends, and your acquaintances, and your acquaintances’ acquaintances, you’ve probably experienced a fair amount of phone arm fatigue. Take things easy on yourself while you check in with your friends and use this hands-free stand instead!
Enneagram Type 2s tend to feel a lot of responsibility for the happiness and wellbeing of others, often carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. That can be especially challenging in a time like this, when so many people are going through difficulties and hardships. If you’ve started feeling overwhelmed by all the problems in the world you can’t solve, making an investment in an animal’s future might be the perfect solution. It gives you the opportunity to know that you’ve made a definitive difference in the world for one of its more vulnerable residents. Programs like the Wildlife Alliance Fund allow you to sponsor animals like slow lorises, pangolins and elephants that have been rescued from the illegal wildlife trade. You receive a certificate, photo and fact sheet about your animal, plus you get quarterly updates on how your animal is doing!
If you’d like to sponsor an animal a bit closer to home, pet rescues all over the country have options to support shelter pets while they wait for their forever home. Kitten Rescue LA even has a wing for special needs cats who live there full time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, making a small, concrete contribution to improve an animal’s life might be the exact pick-me-up you need.
As a Type 2 on the Enneagram, you live your life a bit more vulnerable than some other types, and this year has probably been a unique challenge for your empathetic side. Taking a few moments to do something that makes you happy is a radical act, and one that will pay off in spades as it gives you more energy, empathy, and love to go around.
If you want to learn more about the Enneagram and how it can help lead you to better self-love and deeper self-knowledge, here are a few books that can help you learn more.
Last month, I was having a conversation with my mom about the Enneagram personality test. She said that one of her friends had sent her a handful of different links about the Enneagram, and that while each had helpful information, it was hard to keep sorted in her head.
I remember when I was first learning about the Enneagram it felt impossible to keep track of each number and all of the traits that went along with them; what really helped was when I first picked up The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron. Reading a book’s worth of information, all in one linear and holistic voice, can make all the difference when you’re trying to engage with a new subject like the Enneagram.
If you’re looking to learn more about the Enneagram and how it can help you understand yourself and others better, or if you’re already familiar but are looking for more information on a deeper level, consider picking up a few of these books this summer.
Ian Morgan Cron is a bestselling author as well as an Enneagram teacher; his personable and friendly tone combined with Enneagram expert Suzanne Stabile’s knowledge make for a read that’s both informative and easy to digest.
Cron and Stabile also appeared on an episode of The Liturgists podcast to explain each Enneagram type; it was one of my first primers on the Enneagram and I’d recommend it as a good pairing or prelude to the book. Stabile also has her own podcast about the Enneagram called The Enneagram Journey.
The Enneagram & You does a great job of going beyond the basics of the Enneagram into some of the more advanced aspects of the system as well as the way that our Enneagram types play into our relationship dynamics. If you’re curious about the ways the Enneagram impacts our daily interactions or want to know where the types align and diverge, this is the perfect book to learn without becoming overwhelmed.
If you’re more of a visual learner or want a more casual read, The Enneagram Made Easy is written in an easy, humorous tone that’ll appeal to you even if you’re just starting out with the Enneagram. If you’re more familiar with the Myers Briggs, this book also makes use of those systems to explain the Enneagram types.
The Modern Enneagram is an easy-going read that provides a great intro to the Enneagram. Authors Kacie Berghoef and Melanie Bell lay out the history, theory, and dynamics of the Enneagram in a pleasant, accessible tone.
If you’ve got a working knowledge of Enneagram types but are looking for more application, or if you’re drawn to The Road Back to You, The Path Between Us makes for a great companion read. Enneagram expert Suzanne Stabile walks readers through the Enneagram in the context of relationships, conflict, and communication, using the Enneagram as a tool to understand the people in our lives better.
The Enneagram is a personality test similar to the Myers Briggs, designed to help us understand ourselves and each other better. Where the Myers Briggs uses four letters that stand for different traits, each of the nine Enneagram types (enne is Greek for nine) is defined by a central need, like the need for security, the need to be free, or the need to be needed. These differences might seem unimportant at first, but they impact our lives in a thousand small ways. As a Type Six, I have a different approach to life than my brother who’s a Type Eight, different needs than my best friend who’s a Type Nine, and different goals than my Type Seven dad.
Knowing more about your Enneagram type can unlock so much knowledge about the way you see the world and the underlying needs you may not even be aware of. It can help you understand where others are coming from as well: because the language that each type speaks is so different, there are a thousand ways we can have failures of communication without even realizing it. The Enneagram is designed to help bridge those gaps in understanding.
One of the most important parts of life is self-awareness; by understanding the perspectives we carry with us, our greatest strengths and biggest blind spots, we’re able to move through life with greater clarity and confidence. The Enneagram can help us to develop a shorthand for needs and feelings we’ve had our whole lives.
If you don’t know your Enneagram type, take the test here to find out and read below to find more about the central traits of each one. You might start to realize that some types look familiar to you, remind you of people you know. The Enneagram is such a good tool because of how deeply human it is; we can all see ourselves and others reflected in these driving needs and fears.
Type One: The Reformer
If you’ve spent more than five aggregate hours of your life correcting the way someone loads the dishwasher, you might be a Type One. Ones believe more than any other type that there is a right way to do everything and that they have a clear vision of how that right way looks. It can be hard for Ones to hold back their opinions when they see someone doing things differently than they would, which can give them a reputation for being rigid and bossy. However, this tendency usually comes from a genuine desire to be helpful and do a good job.
Type Ones put a lot of pressure on others, but it’s nothing compared to the pressure they put on themselves. This type tends towards perfectionism and workaholic tendencies; their motto is “if you’re going to do something, do it right.” The plus side of this is that they work at everything, even relationships and personal goals, like it’s their job, making sure their loved ones feel properly cared for.
Ones want more than anything to feel like they’ve done a good job, and sometimes they need a gentle reminder that the world won’t end if they experience a failure or achieve less than a perfect score. At the end of the day they’re just trying to make the world a better (and more orderly!) place, even if their black-and-white thinking can leave the other types scratching their heads.
Type Two: The Nurturer
Also called The Helper, Type Twos are the most relationship-oriented of the Enneagram types. Twos go through life looking for ways to be helpful, equipped with an almost supernatural ability to sense others’ emotional needs. This type can be extremely selfless, undercutting their own needs to make sure everyone else is taken care of. A lot of Twos operate this way with the expectation that is roles were reversed they would receive the same treatment from their loved ones; Twos often get their feelings hurt if this proves untrue. One of the biggest struggles for Twos is making this desire for reciprocation clear to others, rather than keeping their hurt a secret.
Many Twos act out of a secret fear that they won’t belong unless they are actively fulfilling the needs of others and constantly workiing to create space for themselves in the lives of their loved ones. The most important lesson for a Two to learn is that they will be loved even if they do nothing to earn it. Overall, Twos are one of the most loving and devoted types and have a firm belief that relationships are the most important part of life.
Type Three: The Achiever
The social chameleons of the Enneagram, Type Threes have an instinctual ability to read a room and shape themselves accordingly. A Three’s biggest need is to appear successful, and they will work hard to become whatever “successful” looks like to those around them. Charming, goal-oriented leader types, a lot of Threes can be found high up in businesses and in positions of power. Most Threes are fully committed to a path of personal achievement and improvement, constantly working to better themselves and encouraging others to do the same.
Threes might struggle with understanding who they really are because they spend so much time shaping themselves for others. Because being perceived a certain way is so crucial to them, Threes can often forget just to be.
Type Four: The Individualist
Fours are driven by a desire to serve their own individuality and affirm their uniqueness. They have a need to express themselves at every turn, whether it’s in the way they dress, the company they keep, the hobbies they pursue or how they decorate their homes. Fours are devoted to doing things their own way and are repulsed by anything that threatens their uniqueness.
Fours move through life with an admirable amount of depth and passion; they have a reputation for being melancholy, but the truth is that Fours feel everything intensely. They tend to be incredibly creative and never shy away from connecting to others on a deeper level. Fours are great for bringing out vulnerability and reflectiveness in others, but they’re less adept at pragmatism. Something about sitting down to pay bills or work a desk job just doesn’t appeal to them as much as a spontaneous late-night conversation with a stranger or a new idea for a novel.
Type Five: The Observer
The most insular type on the Enneagram, Type Fives crave self-sufficiency. Whether it’s energy, resources, or knowledge, Fives spend their time carefully stockpiling to make sure they can weather any circumstances. Fives are usually extremely introverted, needing a lot of time alone to recharge and preferring their inner world to the outer one.
Fives are extremely concerned with protecting themselves, usually building walls to keep others from spotting their weaknesses or draining their energy. The process of getting to know a Five can be a long one but it’s more than worth it. Fives always have something interesting to talk about because they’re constantly accruing knowledge to help them make sense of the world. Fives are likely to have a wealth of information on any subject that interests them; to learn and observe is their preferred approach to life.
More than any other type, a Five’s alone time is a must. This can feel like a rejection to their friends and family but it’s almost never personal; they just watch their energy levels extremely carefully.
Type Six: The Loyalist
Type Sixes are defined by a driving need to seek safety and security. With an instinct for anticipating danger or setbacks from miles away, Sixes have a tendency to be plagued with worry and anxiety. They have a hard time believing things will be okay if they don’t stay constantly vigilant to outside threats. This can seem unnecessary and exhausting to other types, but it can have its positives. Sixes are said to make up 50% of the population, and the saying goes: “Sixes are the ones that keep all the other types alive.”
Sixes have an interesting relationship with authority, either tending to trust it completely or rebel against it. They find the concept of rules comforting, and if they find the rules in place unsatisfactory they will make up and follow their own.
As their nickname suggests, Sixes set a lot of stock in loyalty and commitment. It’ll take a long time to earn a Six’s trust, but once you do you gain a champion for life.
Type Seven: The Enthusiast
More than anything, Sevens just want to be free and have fun. Sevens are the epitome of “never a dull moment,” always searching for new entertainment and adventures. They’ve got an unbridled enthusiasm for life and a burning passion for the moment, and they’re never happier than when they feel free to follow their impulses as they arrive. It’s harder to get them to stick around during less fun moments, however. Sevens’ sunny perspective tends to selectively exclude negative emotions, bad interactions and conflict, so getting them to face anything unpleasant or boring can be an uphill battle.
Commitment can be hard for this free-wheeling type; Sevens have a natural desire to keep their options open in case something better comes along, which can be frustrating for anyone trying to lock down plans with them. Sevens usually leave a string of half-finished projects in their wake; they’re definitely more about the journey than the destination.
Type Eight: The Protector
Type Eights are also called The Challenger, and for good reason. Eights have absolutely no problem with conflict, and in fact may actively chase it to avoid getting bored. Eights love to throw themselves into arguments and debates with others; it’s a form of play for them, with no hard feelings involved. It can be difficult for more conflict-averse types to understand this rough-and-tumble approach, but it does mean Eights have some thick skin of their own. Type Eights are very instinctive, often taking immediate action based on their gut. They’re very likely to shoot first and work out the finer details after the dust settles, if ever.
Eights have a hard time being vulnerable or showing weakness, often feeling a need to project a front of strength to the outside world. It can be hard for them to apologize when they make mistakes because it goes against this image. Not ones for nuance, Eights can have a tendency to steamroll their quieter associates but the plus side is that they can take blunt, honest criticism better than most.
Eights generally use their powerful personalities for good; they’ve got a soft spot for defending the underdog. The type has a strong sense of justice and loves nothing more than throwing their full weight against bullies and oppressors on behalf of the downtrodden.
Type Nine: The Mediator
The peacekeepers of the Enneagram, Nines crave both inner and outer harmony above everything else. Nines are extremely capable of connecting to others, emphasizing or minimizing different parts of their personalities to reflect whomever they’re talking to. Because of this, Nines are generally very comfortable to be around and talk to. A popular quote about Nines is that they can feel more like environments than people because of the aura of deep comfort and support they exude.
This doesn’t come without a cost; sometimes Nines are so concerned with maintaining peace with others that they can forget their own needs, desires and personalities. Without focus, Nines can easily lose themselves and take whatever form is easiest for others. Nines can also end up drained by people who come to them for support because they’re naturally empathic and can have a hard time setting boundaries. Nines will generally do whatever it takes to avoid a confrontation, even if it means bending over backwards to appease someone. Nines are so good at masking their needs that others might not even realize they’re causing harm; the most helpful thing a Nine’s friends can do is actively ask questions about how they’re feeling and encourage them to speak up about their own needs.
Further Reading:
If you’re looking for more information on the Enneagram, here are a few great books that explore the types, their underlying dynamics, and more:
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