Similar to other personality tests like the Myers Briggs, the Enneagram can inform us on details about our inner selves, grouping individuals according to their underlying needs and desires. Because the Enneagram is good at diagnosing our inner motivations, fears and blind spots, it can make a great tool for learning more about how to better care for ourselves. The longer I’ve been learning about the Enneagram, the more empathy and compassion I’ve gained, not just for others but also for my own strengths and limitations as well.
Everyone is different, and each person has different ways of coping with the demands of daily life. Because of this, we all have different paths to peace and different obstacles lying in the way. The Enneagram can help us better understand what these paths and obstacles look like for each of us as we work to provide ourselves with the version of care that suits us the best. Here are a few suggestions for what your self care might look like according to your Enneagram type.
If you don’t know your Enneagram type, you can take a test here to find out and read more about the basics of each type in our earlier post.
Type 1: The Reformer
As a One, you can often find yourself tempted to prioritize checking experiences off of your list rather than being fully present in them, and can feel a deep need to do things perfectly. Spend time on a hobby or creative pursuit that doesn’t have an objective to it, like an art form you enjoy or a low-pressure craft. This will allow your mind to find a little peace while still leaning into your productive nature.
Type 2: The Helper
As an Enneagram Two, you’re naturally driven to minimize your own needs and value to look after others. As uncomfortable as it might sound, try asking one loved one to tell you the things they love about you and take the time to appreciate that you are worth more to the people around you than simply what you’re able to provide.
Type 3: The Achiever
Threes are talented at sticking to their strengths and knowledge bases because they often enjoy being the most competent person in the room. Give yourself permission to get out of your comfort zone and pick up an interest or activity that you’ve always been curious about but that you might not be perfect at. Allowing yourself to act on your own desires instead of reacting to others’ input is a valuable reminder of your self worth.
Type 4: The Individualist
As a Four on the Enneagram, you might find yourself letting everyday tasks and responsibilities slip through your fingers, either because you feel overwhelmed at all there is to do or because you find it hard to see the point to menial tasks. Today, do one thing you’ve been putting off to show yourself it’s almost never as bad or difficult as you’ve built it up to be.
Type 5: The Investigator
Because Fives value their independence so much, they exert a lot of effort to make sure they have “enough:” enough energy, alone time, rest, and resources. Take a little time to do something that challenges this mentality of scarcity: spend extra time on the phone with a friend or opt into a group chat even if you’re on the fence about it. It can be nice to push back against the anxiety that convinces you you’re in danger of running out of your stockpile.
Type 6: The Loyalist
A common Six mindset is “everything will be fine as long as I stay vigilant.” Sixes might be more talented at foreseeing and avoiding setbacks because of this, but it can be so exhausting to move through life thinking that the safety of your world rests on every choice you make. Set aside some time to turn your phone off- yes, off– and read a book, take a bath, or do anything else to show yourself that everything will be okay even if you’re not on the lookout.
Type 7: The Enthusiast
An Enneagram Seven’s strength is their inspiring love of freedom and capacity for joy. But this desire for freedom means they’re naturally avoidant of pain and negativity. One of a Seven’s biggest weaknesses is a tendency to chase distraction rather than face difficult realities. It might sound uncomfortable, but dedicate some quiet time for yourself to journal, meditate, or just reflect without distractions and see what good comes from making an effort to meet yourself on a deeper level.
Type 8: The Challenger
As an Eight on the Enneagram, you present a strong front to the world and prioritize being decisive and confident while standing up for those with less power than you. This can mean that you have an aversion to ever appearing weak or vulnerable, making it hard for you to express the ways the world affects you. Take some time, whether it’s to yourself via journaling or with a trusted friend, and be honest about hurts you’ve experienced and any exhaustion or burnout you’re facing.
Type 9: The Peacemaker
Nines are one of the most empathic types in the Enneagram, able to relate to almost anyone and provide them with a safe space. Nines are some of the best listeners, and truest friends, in the world, but it can come at a cost. As a Nine you might have a hard time setting boundaries or expressing your own needs and instead might suppress them to avoid conflict with others. Rather than continually shrinking to provide for others, take time to set some definitive boundaries for yourself, whether it’s declining a phone call when you feel tired or saying no to an obligation.
The Enneagram can be such an amazing tool to gain self knowledge and evaluate the things you need the most. I hope your type gives you some insight today into a part of your personality you’ve never considered before, or helps you find a new way to help yourself achieve peace, rest and comfort.
Made up of nine archetypes, the Enneagram is a personality test that can reveal so much about a person’s perspective, needs, desires, and preconceived notions about the world. If you don’t know your type, here’s an easy rundown of each of them and a test to determine your own. Nicknamed “the Helper,” Enneagram Type 2 is notorious for putting others before themselves and minimizing their own needs for the good of their loved ones. Type 2s make amazing friends; they’re often the first to remember a milestone, expend emotional energy to make someone happy, lend a hand when it’s needed or have an extra snack on hand.
While so many of the 2’s characteristics are good things, their drive to look after others can become harmful. If a 2 isn’t careful about self care they can start to believe that they’re only as valuable as their last good deed or take it immensely to heart when their more grandiose gestures aren’t reciprocated. Type 2s are more susceptible to negative self talk than some other types; when they forget to check in with their own self worth, they can start to believe that nobody really wants them around and can start trying to”earn” their place in relationships by overcompensating and spending more emotional energy than they can spare.
Enneagram Type 2s have a tendency to minimize their own struggles, so much so that their loved ones might not even realize anything is wrong at all. As a 2, some of the most important work you can do is affirming that you matter even when you’re not contributing anything. Getting comfortable taking up space in your relationships rather than avoiding ever “being a burden” might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s crucial in your journey to actualization.
Here are a few ideas for a gift to get yourself as a reminder that you’re worth it!
You’ve got an abundance of nurturing energy; why not invest some of it in yourself and in a few live plants? Services like Succulent Studios will send you two curated 8-week-old succulents every month that you can plant around your home for a burst of fresh life. Gardening is some of the best alone time there is, so you’ll also be cultivating your connection with your inner self while investing love in your new plants.
As an Enneagram Type 2, you care about your friends like it’s your job. You like to keep up with your loved ones’ milestones. Whether they’re happy ones like birthdays and achievements or losses that require kindness and support, you want to be the first one to remember and offer a kind word. Keep track of the cards you plan on sending months in advance with this organizer.
It’s easy for Enneagram Type 2s to feel like they’re only valid when they’re in service to someone else; because they’re so focused on the needs of others, it can be hard for them to care about or recognize their own needs. Spend a little time each day forcing yourself to think about yourself and your own desires. Good self love is the only path to loving others well.
If this quarantine has had you scheduling weekly calls with your BFFS, and your friends, and your acquaintances, and your acquaintances’ acquaintances, you’ve probably experienced a fair amount of phone arm fatigue. Take things easy on yourself while you check in with your friends and use this hands-free stand instead!
Enneagram Type 2s tend to feel a lot of responsibility for the happiness and wellbeing of others, often carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. That can be especially challenging in a time like this, when so many people are going through difficulties and hardships. If you’ve started feeling overwhelmed by all the problems in the world you can’t solve, making an investment in an animal’s future might be the perfect solution. It gives you the opportunity to know that you’ve made a definitive difference in the world for one of its more vulnerable residents. Programs like the Wildlife Alliance Fund allow you to sponsor animals like slow lorises, pangolins and elephants that have been rescued from the illegal wildlife trade. You receive a certificate, photo and fact sheet about your animal, plus you get quarterly updates on how your animal is doing!
If you’d like to sponsor an animal a bit closer to home, pet rescues all over the country have options to support shelter pets while they wait for their forever home. Kitten Rescue LA even has a wing for special needs cats who live there full time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, making a small, concrete contribution to improve an animal’s life might be the exact pick-me-up you need.
As a Type 2 on the Enneagram, you live your life a bit more vulnerable than some other types, and this year has probably been a unique challenge for your empathetic side. Taking a few moments to do something that makes you happy is a radical act, and one that will pay off in spades as it gives you more energy, empathy, and love to go around.
If you want to learn more about the Enneagram and how it can help lead you to better self-love and deeper self-knowledge, here are a few books that can help you learn more.
If you’ve ever seen a loving gesture to a friend go unappreciated, or spent hours daydreaming about an anniversary gift that you’d never receive, your instinct in that moment was probably disappointment, confusion, and sadness. It was probably hard for you to understand what went wrong: if this person loves me, why didn’t they do something so obvious to make me happy? There’s a good chance that the 5 love languages can help you understand this disconnect.
In 1992, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman started to pick up on a trend he was seeing in the arguments he was mediating between couples. One person would say they were doing their best to make their partner feel loved, only to see their gestures, words or gifts to go unrecognized. Meanwhile the other partner couldn’t even see what they were supposed to be appreciating, instead wishing their partner would just do the one thing they had asked for. Dr Chapman realized the conflict came down to a difference in the definition of love: if one person feels loved when they’re complimented, and the other shows love by giving a gift, they can both start feeling invisible to each other. Dr Chapman saw it over and over again: a wife frustrated that her husband always told her she did a great job keeping the house clean but never helped, a husband hurt that his wife didn’t even notice when he cleaned the whole house. If these kinds of miscommunications sound familiar to you, you might be experiencing the exact sort of misunderstanding Dr. Chapman set out to solve.
What Dr. Chapman found was that there are five ways that people receive and express love, and that in general each person has one or two of these outlets that they prefer. This is how he came up with the five love languages: quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gift giving, and physical touch.
If you’ve never taken the love languages test, I’d recommend it. Knowing your love language can help you understand and articulate your needs to loved ones and partners, and can even help you better learn how to express love to others.
Quality Time
People who prefer quality time as their love language feel most loved when someone simply makes time for them. For a quality time person gifts and kind words are all well and good but they don’t mean much if they never get to see you. If you’re experiencing tension with someone who has this love language, try to think of the last time you set aside time to focus on them and talk to them. If you’ve been busy lately, they’ve probably noticed and might be feeling neglected.
Luckily, this love language can be met in a variety of ways; people who prefer quality time are generally just as happy with a 30 minute walk around the block as they are on an elaborate dinner date. You might even find this type volunteering to drive you to the airport or help you with a demanding project just so they can spend some time with you.
Acts of Service
If your partner often takes on the housework, tackles a project you’ve been dreading, or always makes sure your car is filled up with gas, acts of service might be their love language. This language sees taking on burdens and obligations for someone else as the most loving thing a person could do. For people who prefer acts of service, there’s no sweeter act than having someone else take something that they were dreading off of their to-do list.
To these people a chore is never just a chore; if they’re always doing the housework or taking care of tasks for you it’s a sign that they care about you. This also means that they can be especially hurt when their partner doesn’t reciprocate, notice when they’re feeling overwhelmed and attempt to share the load. If you’re in a relationship with someone who speaks this language, you’ll get further doing a load of laundry or cleaning the bathroom than you will bringing home a gift or simply telling them “thank you.”
Words of Affirmation
People who prefer words of affirmation as their love language see words as the ultimate validation. If you don’t speak in words of affirmation but your partner does, you’ve probably been surprised more than once by them asking you if you care about them. To you, it might seem like you’ve been doing everything to affirm that you like them, and even the fact that you’re in a relationship could be enough of a sign that things are going well. But people who prefer words of affirmation need things spelled out for them to truly feel loved, and get a lot of joy and security from being able to store up these words in their hearts.
If you feel like your partner’s been acting insecure, you might just want to check the kind of affection you’ve been showing them. Sometimes all it takes is intentionally telling them the things you like about them, telling them how much you appreciate them, or even leaving them a note to make sure they feel loved.
Gift Giving
At first blush this love language might seem a tad materialistic, but the truth is it’s the furthest thing from it. When it comes to the gift giving language, the price tag is almost never what counts. To people who prefer this language, a gift is a symbol of the time someone has spent thinking about them and thinking about what would make them happy. Sometimes the best gifts for people who speak this language cost no money at all; a handmade gift you spent time on, a poem or song, or even a photo album of your favorite moments together will make this type feel incredibly loved.
The biggest thing to remember for this type is that gifts aren’t just for holidays— you wouldn’t only give your partner two hugs a year, so don’t deprive them of their preferred form of affection for that long either! Gift types love any excuse to give something to a loved one— one of this type’s most uttered phrases is “this just made me think of you so I had to get it.” The same is true in the inverse; gift people love nothing more than an unexpected present given to them “just because.”
Physical Touch
Of course every relationship involves a certain amount of physical touch, but for people who prefer it as their primary language it’s crucial to feel connected to their partner. This type is quick to feel neglected or distant from their partner if they don’t receive validating touch.
It doesn’t have to be over-the-top PDA, either; a simple arm around the waist or a brief handhold in public will make this type’s heart sing. Subtle, loving touches are the way to make this type feel like they matter to you; if they seem out of sorts or upset, a hug or an offer for a back rub will always speak volumes to them.
One of the hardest obstacles we have to overcome when we get close to people is that real love can’t come without understanding. When we truly care about someone, we jump at the chance to better know how to make them feel loved, and the five love languages can be instrumental in that process. Knowing how to show love in a way that translates to our partners and close friends is a skillset, a gift that will never stop giving.
For years now the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) has played a part in so many discussions around the ways we understand ourselves and others. With sixteen possible types made up of four letters each, the Myers Briggs can give us an entire language to unpack our different preferences and styles.
The first letter, either E or I, indicates whether someone is introverted or extroverted. This helps explain where they draw their energy, how much alone time they need, and even whether they’re more likely to process information by sharing with others or by looking within. The second letter, either N or S, stands for iNtuitive or Sensing. Intuitive types are more concerned with the big picture than details, enjoy thinking about the future, and conversing about big, abstract thoughts. Sensing personalities thrive on the details, the concrete facts they can see and perceive, and tend to depend on their memories of the past to guide them in the present. The third letter, F or T, signifies whether someone makes decisions relying on their Feeling, emotional intuition, or prefer to rely on their logic or Thinking. Last, J or P stands for Judging or Perceiving. Js tend towards making a plan before taking action, prefer structure to chaos, and feel more comfortable with black-and-white information. Perceiving types, on the other hand, are more comfortable with improvisation, preferring to see how things go rather than establishing a firm absolute game plan.
The ways that these four letters combine can help inform us on the unspoken ways we operate, how our expectations from life differ from others, and how our needs manifest themselves. I’ve found that the Myers Briggs is especially helpful for the language it gives us to define our differences; so many conflicts are easily resolved when we’re able to understand where our personalities differ. As a P, understanding that my J friends will be more comfortable if I give them a concrete time to meet up rather than playing it by ear has made it easier to be a good friend to them. In relationships, the Myers Briggs can help us understand expectations that we’ve always assumed were universal; being able to get to the bottom of these personality differences will only make it easier to communicate with a partner or loved one.
If you don’t already know your Myers Briggs type, you can take the test here and then read on for more information about your type!
ENFP- The Campaigner
Creative, impulsive and intuitive, ENFPs hate feeling bored or boring and love having someone to bounce their long list of ideas off of. Because ENFPs can often get caught up in their own reveries, they value having someone around who’s flexible enough to follow their whims while still being grounded enough to remember to pay the bills.
INFJ- The Advocate
Intentional and wise, INFJs remain deeply rooted in a wealth of intuition which serves them and allows them to advise others. INFJs spend a lot of energy trying to maintain order in their lives and better themselves, so they find a lot of value in people who carry a lightness with them. People who are more spontaneous allow INFJs to disengage from their ordinary routines and relieve them of the pressure to always do their best. This pairing also means that the INFJ’s hardcore planning skills will never go unappreciated by their easygoing partners.
ENFJ- The Protagonist
ENFJs are almost always the caretaker in any given group, watching out for everyone’s needs even if it gives them a slight reputation for being bossy. ENFJs will often take on the burdens of everyone around them without ever complaining or drawing attention; because of this, they need someone around they can trust to take the wheel for a few minutes while reminding them the entire world isn’t on their shoulders.
INFP- The Mediator
Dreamy, introspective and thoughtful, INFPs excel at finding common ground with everyone while deeply valuing their own inner worlds. INFPs don’t always feel like their ideas warrant sharing and keep the bulk of their creativity between themselves and their journals, so finding a partner who encourages them to share and validates their interests is especially important for this type.
ENTP- The Debater
Charismatic and argumentative, ENTPs will often shy away from intimacy to avoid clouding the dynamic, irreverent persona they’ve constructed around themselves. They value people with thick skins and broad interests that they’ll never tire of talking to— and if they can find someone grounded enough to convince them that vulnerability isn’t a death sentence, all the better.
INTP- The Logician
INTPs’ skill for improvisation means they’re often trapped inside their own heads, thinking about all the possible choices they have ahead or rethinking ones they’ve already made. They’re at their best with a partner who can help them live in the present and draw them out of their mind palace for at least a little while.
ENTJ- The Commander
Competent, visionary and brimming with leadership skills, ENTJs excel at having a plan and knowing exactly how to execute it. A partner who respects an ENTJ’s independence, while pursuing their own passions, is a must for this type. There’s nothing more attractive to an ENTJ than a partner with a drive and a vision of their own.
INTJ- The Architect
The most introverted type in the MBTI, INTJs are known for requiring a lot of alone time and space to pursue their interests. To someone who doesn’t know them well, INTJs can appear cold and uncompromising, but the truth is that INTJs can just take a while to warm to someone before trusting them. It’s an honor to be let into an INTJ’s carefully guarded inner world; an INTJ’s ideal partner is someone who loves them with patience, makes them feel safe, and knows not to take any requests for alone time personally.
ESFP- The Entertainer
ESFPs have an almost magical ability to create fun wherever they go, and enjoy nothing more than getting their loved ones involved. Because they’re always chasing positivity, it can be a challenge for ESFPs to process negativity and conflict, or even sit still for long. The ideal partner for an ESFP will appreciate their fun-loving side while still affirming that they don’t have to always be entertaining to be loved.
ISFP- The Adventurer
Fiercely individualistic, ISFPs love experimenting with their look, creative outlets, and anything else- usually from the comfort of their inner sanctum. ISFPs value relationships where their creativity is treasured and supported, but where they never ever feel pressured to show something off before it’s ready.
ESFJ- The Consul
Caring and detail oriented, ESFJs worry about others like it’s their full time job. Their tendency to prioritize closure might make other types feel put on the spot, and grey areas are not their strong suit. Because ESFJs are so good at following up with close friends, they tend to be the initiators in their relationships. This means that when someone makes the effort to approach them and care for them instead of the other way around, ESFJs take notice.
ISFJ- The Defender
ISFJs are usually more than content to stay on the sidelines, supporting their loved ones in their ventures and always ready to lend a hand. That makes a partner who recognizes their contributions and actively appreciates their presence is especially valuable to an ISFJ.
ESTP- The Entrepreneur
ESTPs are best embodied by the quote: “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Extroverted and energetic, ESTPs are always looking for the next exciting thing. They place major stock in a partner who’s able to keep up with their frequent epiphanies and schemes while having a cool enough head to talk them out of the craziest (or most illegal) ones.
ISTP- The Virtuoso
Being both naturally noncommittal as a P and detail-oriented as an S, ISTPs usually find themselves bouncing around from interest to interest, preferring to try their hands at many things rather than gain expertise in one. These same characteristics mean that ISTPs expect the outside world to change as much as they do. ISTPs often have a hard time placing trust in any situation, be it personal or professional, as permanent. The best partner an ISTP can have is one who’s consistent and trustworthy while not making them ever feel trapped, allowing the ISTP to finally add them to the short list of “constants” in their life.
ESTJ- The Executive
Strong leaders with great organizational skills, ESTJs love nothing more than assembling people to serve a larger purpose. Their organizational tendencies extend into their personal lives, where ESTJs feel most comfortable with clear intentions, overt labels, and an abundance of communication. An ESTJ’s ideal partner is someone who’s content to let them do the planning (whether it’s date night, a trip, or the chore chart) and promises never to leave them in the dark about how they’re feeling.
ISTJ- The Logistician
Pragmatic and grounded, ISTJs are usually very good at efficiently running their own lives. Because they’re so self-sufficient, what they need from their partners is less on the practical side. Instead, they benefit best from partners who know how to break them out of their routine (with due warning of course) and get them to have fun they didn’t write into their schedule.
The Enneagram is a personality test similar to the Myers Briggs, designed to help us understand ourselves and each other better. Where the Myers Briggs uses four letters that stand for different traits, each of the nine Enneagram types (enne is Greek for nine) is defined by a central need, like the need for security, the need to be free, or the need to be needed. These differences might seem unimportant at first, but they impact our lives in a thousand small ways. As a Type Six, I have a different approach to life than my brother who’s a Type Eight, different needs than my best friend who’s a Type Nine, and different goals than my Type Seven dad.
Knowing more about your Enneagram type can unlock so much knowledge about the way you see the world and the underlying needs you may not even be aware of. It can help you understand where others are coming from as well: because the language that each type speaks is so different, there are a thousand ways we can have failures of communication without even realizing it. The Enneagram is designed to help bridge those gaps in understanding.
One of the most important parts of life is self-awareness; by understanding the perspectives we carry with us, our greatest strengths and biggest blind spots, we’re able to move through life with greater clarity and confidence. The Enneagram can help us to develop a shorthand for needs and feelings we’ve had our whole lives.
If you don’t know your Enneagram type, take the test here to find out and read below to find more about the central traits of each one. You might start to realize that some types look familiar to you, remind you of people you know. The Enneagram is such a good tool because of how deeply human it is; we can all see ourselves and others reflected in these driving needs and fears.
Type One: The Reformer
If you’ve spent more than five aggregate hours of your life correcting the way someone loads the dishwasher, you might be a Type One. Ones believe more than any other type that there is a right way to do everything and that they have a clear vision of how that right way looks. It can be hard for Ones to hold back their opinions when they see someone doing things differently than they would, which can give them a reputation for being rigid and bossy. However, this tendency usually comes from a genuine desire to be helpful and do a good job.
Type Ones put a lot of pressure on others, but it’s nothing compared to the pressure they put on themselves. This type tends towards perfectionism and workaholic tendencies; their motto is “if you’re going to do something, do it right.” The plus side of this is that they work at everything, even relationships and personal goals, like it’s their job, making sure their loved ones feel properly cared for.
Ones want more than anything to feel like they’ve done a good job, and sometimes they need a gentle reminder that the world won’t end if they experience a failure or achieve less than a perfect score. At the end of the day they’re just trying to make the world a better (and more orderly!) place, even if their black-and-white thinking can leave the other types scratching their heads.
Type Two: The Nurturer
Also called The Helper, Type Twos are the most relationship-oriented of the Enneagram types. Twos go through life looking for ways to be helpful, equipped with an almost supernatural ability to sense others’ emotional needs. This type can be extremely selfless, undercutting their own needs to make sure everyone else is taken care of. A lot of Twos operate this way with the expectation that is roles were reversed they would receive the same treatment from their loved ones; Twos often get their feelings hurt if this proves untrue. One of the biggest struggles for Twos is making this desire for reciprocation clear to others, rather than keeping their hurt a secret.
Many Twos act out of a secret fear that they won’t belong unless they are actively fulfilling the needs of others and constantly workiing to create space for themselves in the lives of their loved ones. The most important lesson for a Two to learn is that they will be loved even if they do nothing to earn it. Overall, Twos are one of the most loving and devoted types and have a firm belief that relationships are the most important part of life.
Type Three: The Achiever
The social chameleons of the Enneagram, Type Threes have an instinctual ability to read a room and shape themselves accordingly. A Three’s biggest need is to appear successful, and they will work hard to become whatever “successful” looks like to those around them. Charming, goal-oriented leader types, a lot of Threes can be found high up in businesses and in positions of power. Most Threes are fully committed to a path of personal achievement and improvement, constantly working to better themselves and encouraging others to do the same.
Threes might struggle with understanding who they really are because they spend so much time shaping themselves for others. Because being perceived a certain way is so crucial to them, Threes can often forget just to be.
Type Four: The Individualist
Fours are driven by a desire to serve their own individuality and affirm their uniqueness. They have a need to express themselves at every turn, whether it’s in the way they dress, the company they keep, the hobbies they pursue or how they decorate their homes. Fours are devoted to doing things their own way and are repulsed by anything that threatens their uniqueness.
Fours move through life with an admirable amount of depth and passion; they have a reputation for being melancholy, but the truth is that Fours feel everything intensely. They tend to be incredibly creative and never shy away from connecting to others on a deeper level. Fours are great for bringing out vulnerability and reflectiveness in others, but they’re less adept at pragmatism. Something about sitting down to pay bills or work a desk job just doesn’t appeal to them as much as a spontaneous late-night conversation with a stranger or a new idea for a novel.
Type Five: The Observer
The most insular type on the Enneagram, Type Fives crave self-sufficiency. Whether it’s energy, resources, or knowledge, Fives spend their time carefully stockpiling to make sure they can weather any circumstances. Fives are usually extremely introverted, needing a lot of time alone to recharge and preferring their inner world to the outer one.
Fives are extremely concerned with protecting themselves, usually building walls to keep others from spotting their weaknesses or draining their energy. The process of getting to know a Five can be a long one but it’s more than worth it. Fives always have something interesting to talk about because they’re constantly accruing knowledge to help them make sense of the world. Fives are likely to have a wealth of information on any subject that interests them; to learn and observe is their preferred approach to life.
More than any other type, a Five’s alone time is a must. This can feel like a rejection to their friends and family but it’s almost never personal; they just watch their energy levels extremely carefully.
Type Six: The Loyalist
Type Sixes are defined by a driving need to seek safety and security. With an instinct for anticipating danger or setbacks from miles away, Sixes have a tendency to be plagued with worry and anxiety. They have a hard time believing things will be okay if they don’t stay constantly vigilant to outside threats. This can seem unnecessary and exhausting to other types, but it can have its positives. Sixes are said to make up 50% of the population, and the saying goes: “Sixes are the ones that keep all the other types alive.”
Sixes have an interesting relationship with authority, either tending to trust it completely or rebel against it. They find the concept of rules comforting, and if they find the rules in place unsatisfactory they will make up and follow their own.
As their nickname suggests, Sixes set a lot of stock in loyalty and commitment. It’ll take a long time to earn a Six’s trust, but once you do you gain a champion for life.
Type Seven: The Enthusiast
More than anything, Sevens just want to be free and have fun. Sevens are the epitome of “never a dull moment,” always searching for new entertainment and adventures. They’ve got an unbridled enthusiasm for life and a burning passion for the moment, and they’re never happier than when they feel free to follow their impulses as they arrive. It’s harder to get them to stick around during less fun moments, however. Sevens’ sunny perspective tends to selectively exclude negative emotions, bad interactions and conflict, so getting them to face anything unpleasant or boring can be an uphill battle.
Commitment can be hard for this free-wheeling type; Sevens have a natural desire to keep their options open in case something better comes along, which can be frustrating for anyone trying to lock down plans with them. Sevens usually leave a string of half-finished projects in their wake; they’re definitely more about the journey than the destination.
Type Eight: The Protector
Type Eights are also called The Challenger, and for good reason. Eights have absolutely no problem with conflict, and in fact may actively chase it to avoid getting bored. Eights love to throw themselves into arguments and debates with others; it’s a form of play for them, with no hard feelings involved. It can be difficult for more conflict-averse types to understand this rough-and-tumble approach, but it does mean Eights have some thick skin of their own. Type Eights are very instinctive, often taking immediate action based on their gut. They’re very likely to shoot first and work out the finer details after the dust settles, if ever.
Eights have a hard time being vulnerable or showing weakness, often feeling a need to project a front of strength to the outside world. It can be hard for them to apologize when they make mistakes because it goes against this image. Not ones for nuance, Eights can have a tendency to steamroll their quieter associates but the plus side is that they can take blunt, honest criticism better than most.
Eights generally use their powerful personalities for good; they’ve got a soft spot for defending the underdog. The type has a strong sense of justice and loves nothing more than throwing their full weight against bullies and oppressors on behalf of the downtrodden.
Type Nine: The Mediator
The peacekeepers of the Enneagram, Nines crave both inner and outer harmony above everything else. Nines are extremely capable of connecting to others, emphasizing or minimizing different parts of their personalities to reflect whomever they’re talking to. Because of this, Nines are generally very comfortable to be around and talk to. A popular quote about Nines is that they can feel more like environments than people because of the aura of deep comfort and support they exude.
This doesn’t come without a cost; sometimes Nines are so concerned with maintaining peace with others that they can forget their own needs, desires and personalities. Without focus, Nines can easily lose themselves and take whatever form is easiest for others. Nines can also end up drained by people who come to them for support because they’re naturally empathic and can have a hard time setting boundaries. Nines will generally do whatever it takes to avoid a confrontation, even if it means bending over backwards to appease someone. Nines are so good at masking their needs that others might not even realize they’re causing harm; the most helpful thing a Nine’s friends can do is actively ask questions about how they’re feeling and encourage them to speak up about their own needs.
Further Reading:
If you’re looking for more information on the Enneagram, here are a few great books that explore the types, their underlying dynamics, and more:
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