Creative Gifts for Your Partner Based on Their Love Language

November 30, 2020February 10, 2021

Creative Gifts for Your Partner Based on Their Love Language

CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS | Creative Gifts for Every Love Language

They always say it’s better to give than receive, and it’s never as true as it is around the holidays when you’re able to give your partner a gift that really means something to them. But what if you feel nervous that you can’t think of a creative gift idea? Sometimes we just experience a bit of a block when it comes to coming up with gift ideas, but there are so many things that can help us come up with the perfect gift. For instance, knowing someone’s love language can help you know what’s most important to them and allow you to tailor a creative gift that fits. Here are a few gift ideas for each love language no matter what your budget is. If you don’t know your partner’s love language, you can (sneakily!) get them to take the free test here, or read more about each language to see which one fits their personality the best.

Quality Time

People with this love language treasure, above all else, when the people in their lives set aside time for them whether it’s a walk, a thoughtful conversation over coffee, or even watching a good movie. A creative gift for someone who speaks in quality time will focus on something the two of you can do together; a new game, craft or puzzle you thought they’d like that you can both work on, a class for the two of you, a box set of a show you both love, two copies of a book you’re both interested in so you can talk about it together. The best gift for them is a promise of a meaningful moment, so something that involves you as well as them will always impress them. If you have a tighter budget and more time, you can translate this same sentiment into an experience that costs nothing; plan a walking or driving tour of the places in your town where you two have memories, create a scavenger hunt where the “clues” are all related to your relationship, even set aside time to learn something from them or watch a movie or show that they love but you’ve never gotten into.

Words of Affirmation

People who speak Words of Affirmation as their love language find it hard to feel truly loved or appreciated unless they’re told so verbally. To people with other languages, it can seem like they’re being intentionally opaque when they say they don’t know how you feel despite your actions that would seem to prove it, but this is truly how they see the world and receive love. When it comes to words of affirmation, specificity is important. “I love you” is obviously a great start, but this type thrives when they hear the specific things you love about them and the reasons you’re glad they’re in your life. You might have seen variations on homemade (or personalized) books called “All The Reasons I Love You;” this is a sweet gift idea for anyone but will be especially meaningful for people who speak in Words of Affirmation. If you’re more on the creative side, a gift in the form of a song, poem, or letter might be a great way to show that you care but even sitting down and writing a list of your favorite things about them is sure to make them smile.

Physical Touch

For people with this love language, affectionate touches, hugs and kisses help them to feel cared for throughout the day. There are subtle ways to play into this love language with a gift; a comfy blanket big enough for two, a big hammock to share, time set aside for a cozy movie night. Something they might really appreciate is a fully committed “massage night,” with oils, scrubs, candles, and maybe even soothing spa music to complete the experience.

Gift Giving

This love language can seem really vague when you’re trying to buy a creative gift for a holiday, but it actually gives you a lot to work with! People who value gift giving don’t just want any material possession; they really value gifts that demonstrate how much thought the giver put into it. Because of this, a handmade gift will mean just as much to them as anything you buy in a store. When you’re picking a gift for a person with this love language, think about the things they care about the most, or the things you love about them, or your favorite memories of them, as each of these will wield so many great gift ideas. Give them something that will elevate their hobby, make note of something they mentioned they needed in passing, or even turn a memento from a past date, like a polaroid, ticket stub, or pressed flower into a sweet memento for them by framing it or incorporating it into a craft. As long as it comes from the heart with intentionality, you can’t go wrong.

Acts of Service

It might not seem particularly romantic to other types, but people who speak in Acts of Service can’t think of anything sweeter than taking something stressful off their plate. This might be the only type for whom “love coupons” might genuinely be a good idea; the promise of a clean house at the end of a long day, washing up after a meal, or taking the car to get washed will mean more to them than almost anything else. If you’ve noticed there’s a particular task they dread such as cleaning the house or grocery shopping, consider getting a service that can take it off of their hands and watch them start glowing from the inside out.

Giving the perfect gift rarely means that you have to break the bank; giving is an act that comes from the heart and is informed by your connection to another person. Using a tool like love languages can help you figure out what your loved one needs the most to give them something that blows them away every time.

August 14, 2020February 10, 2021

How the 5 Love Languages Can Improve Your Relationships

CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS | How The 5 Love Languages Can Improve Your Relationship

If you’ve ever seen a loving gesture to a friend go unappreciated, or spent hours daydreaming about an anniversary gift that you’d never receive, your instinct in that moment was probably disappointment, confusion, and sadness. It was probably hard for you to understand what went wrong: if this person loves me, why didn’t they do something so obvious to make me happy? There’s a good chance that the 5 love languages can help you understand this disconnect.

In 1992, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman started to pick up on a trend he was seeing in the arguments he was mediating between couples. One person would say they were doing their best to make their partner feel loved, only to see their gestures, words or gifts to go unrecognized. Meanwhile the other partner couldn’t even see what they were supposed to be appreciating, instead wishing their partner would just do the one thing they had asked for. Dr Chapman realized the conflict came down to a difference in the definition of love: if one person feels loved when they’re complimented, and the other shows love by giving a gift, they can both start feeling invisible to each other. Dr Chapman saw it over and over again: a wife frustrated that her husband always told her she did a great job keeping the house clean but never helped, a husband hurt that his wife didn’t even notice when he cleaned the whole house. If these kinds of miscommunications sound familiar to you, you might be experiencing the exact sort of misunderstanding Dr. Chapman set out to solve.

What Dr. Chapman found was that there are five ways that people receive and express love, and that in general each person has one or two of these outlets that they prefer. This is how he came up with the five love languages: quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gift giving, and physical touch.

If you’ve never taken the love languages test, I’d recommend it. Knowing your love language can help you understand and articulate your needs to loved ones and partners, and can even help you better learn how to express love to others.

CARRIE ANN CONVERSATIONS | How the Five Love Languages Can Improve Your Relationships

Quality Time

People who prefer quality time as their love language feel most loved when someone simply makes time for them. For a quality time person gifts and kind words are all well and good but they don’t mean much if they never get to see you. If you’re experiencing tension with someone who has this love language, try to think of the last time you set aside time to focus on them and talk to them. If you’ve been busy lately, they’ve probably noticed and might be feeling neglected.

Luckily, this love language can be met in a variety of ways; people who prefer quality time are generally just as happy with a 30 minute walk around the block as they are on an elaborate dinner date. You might even find this type volunteering to drive you to the airport or help you with a demanding project just so they can spend some time with you.

Acts of Service

If your partner often takes on the housework, tackles a project you’ve been dreading, or always makes sure your car is filled up with gas, acts of service might be their love language. This language sees taking on burdens and obligations for someone else as the most loving thing a person could do. For people who prefer acts of service, there’s no sweeter act than having someone else take something that they were dreading off of their to-do list.

To these people a chore is never just a chore; if they’re always doing the housework or taking care of tasks for you it’s a sign that they care about you. This also means that they can be especially hurt when their partner doesn’t reciprocate, notice when they’re feeling overwhelmed and attempt to share the load. If you’re in a relationship with someone who speaks this language, you’ll get further doing a load of laundry or cleaning the bathroom than you will bringing home a gift or simply telling them “thank you.”

Words of Affirmation

People who prefer words of affirmation as their love language see words as the ultimate validation. If you don’t speak in words of affirmation but your partner does, you’ve probably been surprised more than once by them asking you if you care about them. To you, it might seem like you’ve been doing everything to affirm that you like them, and even the fact that you’re in a relationship could be enough of a sign that things are going well. But people who prefer words of affirmation need things spelled out for them to truly feel loved, and get a lot of joy and security from being able to store up these words in their hearts.

If you feel like your partner’s been acting insecure, you might just want to check the kind of affection you’ve been showing them. Sometimes all it takes is intentionally telling them the things you like about them, telling them how much you appreciate them, or even leaving them a note to make sure they feel loved.

Gift Giving

At first blush this love language might seem a tad materialistic, but the truth is it’s the furthest thing from it. When it comes to the gift giving language, the price tag is almost never what counts. To people who prefer this language, a gift is a symbol of the time someone has spent thinking about them and thinking about what would make them happy. Sometimes the best gifts for people who speak this language cost no money at all; a handmade gift you spent time on, a poem or song, or even a photo album of your favorite moments together will make this type feel incredibly loved.

The biggest thing to remember for this type is that gifts aren’t just for holidays— you wouldn’t only give your partner two hugs a year, so don’t deprive them of their preferred form of affection for that long either! Gift types love any excuse to give something to a loved one— one of this type’s most uttered phrases is “this just made me think of you so I had to get it.” The same is true in the inverse; gift people love nothing more than an unexpected present given to them “just because.”

Physical Touch

Of course every relationship involves a certain amount of physical touch, but for people who prefer it as their primary language it’s crucial to feel connected to their partner. This type is quick to feel neglected or distant from their partner if they don’t receive validating touch.

It doesn’t have to be over-the-top PDA, either; a simple arm around the waist or a brief handhold in public will make this type’s heart sing. Subtle, loving touches are the way to make this type feel like they matter to you; if they seem out of sorts or upset, a hug or an offer for a back rub will always speak volumes to them.

One of the hardest obstacles we have to overcome when we get close to people is that real love can’t come without understanding. When we truly care about someone, we jump at the chance to better know how to make them feel loved, and the five love languages can be instrumental in that process. Knowing how to show love in a way that translates to our partners and close friends is a skillset, a gift that will never stop giving.

May 22, 2020February 10, 2021

A Moment For Kindness

Over the past few months, many of us have been pushed to our limits. We’ve been faced with worries, stress, and questions about the looming future on a daily basis, and that doesn’t come without a cost. Many of us have been living in an extended survival mode; to help serve us better in difficult times, our minds and bodies come up with coping mechanisms to help protect us. When we feel threatened, we tend to let go of anything that feels unessential. The more stressed we are, the more things we let go, and empathy for others tends to be one of the first things to fall. It makes sense that we can’t always consider everyone else when we’re worried about our own safety, but as we start to realize that this will be an extended state, we have to make adjustments to our perspectives. The world will continue to be scary and stressful, at least for a little while, and we owe it to ourselves and each other to learn how to make the most of the world as it is.

Empathy, patience and compassion may not be the easiest traits to harness right now, but it’s important for us to start building a space for them in our daily lives. I believe that generosity begets generosity, patience begets patience, and kindness begets kindness. If we start inviting these energies into our lives, they can provide us with so much relief. This has been a trying time for all of us. Every one of us is dealing with some level of change, loss, and difficulty; how we treat each other right now can make all the difference in the world.

Being stuck in a long grocery line, experiencing slow service times, or having to work under the pressure of a pandemic can rob us of our capacity for grace and kindness but we have to remember that this will not be our forever. Eventually we will be able to look back and see either a time of high tensions and negative emotions, or one of warmth and community.

Kindness is more than simply a personality trait; more often than not it is a practice, a choice we have to make over and over again. Devoting intentionality towards kindness doesn’t just benefit our neighbors, it benefits us as well. Sometimes we underestimate the power of altruism, how good we feel when we know we’ve made someone else’s day better instead of worse. Challenging ourselves on our preconceptions, showing ourselves we have so much to gain from a little extra effort, can be a great goal to work towards during quarantine. After all, when you start holding more empathy for others, you start holding more empathy for yourself as well. Usually when we are directing negativity outward it’s because there’s negativity within. Many of us may feel disappointed in ourselves right now. We might feel like we aren’t getting as much done as we should, or as much as others seem to be doing— that lack of kindness to ourselves impacts everything we touch. Taking the time every day to acknowledge that we are all doing their best can be the first step toward a healthier relationship with ourselves and each other.

Empathy truly is a superpower. It can allow us to strengthen every connection in our lives and expand our perspective beyond our own experience. It can help us to slow down and turn our focus towards building others up instead of tearing them down. Practicing empathy for each other during a stressful time like the one we find ourselves in may not always be easy, but it’s one of the best things we can do to start creating the world we want to live in.